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  • Help!!!!

    Hi all. I just stumbled onto this forum. There is a lot of good advice...

    Let me tell you of my story, If there is any one out there that can give me advice, it would be a welcome site.

    Here goes: Been married for 7.5 years, found out spouse cheated on me in Nov 2005. Moved out, Christmas came and we decide to try, ( Well I did, read as much as I possibly could on the subject of getting back together). A few days later she was back to her old routine. So I moved out again. I Would go to the house when she went to work to watch after the kiddies. (have three, two are from me and the oldest is from her previous). So here I am. At this piont on fathers day I found out she is pregnent with the man she cheated on me with. 1. can i get a divorce pronto? or do I have to wait? 2. She is moving out, to a appt with the children. It seems that I will be paying 792 a month in child support. Can this be possibly fair? She cheats, get pregnent, and I have to pay? 3. I'm in the CF, and now am forced to live in the shacks.. in a ten by ten room, and also have to pay the full bills from the debt we ammassed.. 4. Can debt be divieded and reduced from child support?


    Please help

    Jayson

  • #2
    All I can say...

    I don't know all the details of your family dynamic, however;

    1. Don't waste your time on the details, unless you are handling everything without a lawyer, most family lawyers are versed enough to consider the details on your behalf (we hope) .
    2. Consider joint shared 50/50 custody if a possibility, not for you or your spouse but for the children, all of them, (In my case, I based my decision to persue custody based on how screwed up my child would become if raised only by my ex.) Case specific to my situation and may not apply to yours, feel free to find your own reason. What is best for the children is what you should be considering.
    3. As for child support, to the best of my knowledge, it is independant of the issues between your ex and you as it is for the benefit of the children.
    4. As for your financial situation, depending on property ownership and debt load, bankruptcy is always an option.

    It is in the best interest of the children (almost always) to have equal access to both parents. It is also in the best interest of the children that their routine and overal lives change very little during this process.

    Again I do not have enough details specific to your situation to give a complete answer to your questions. Just remember, in separation, there is no need for the children to suffer, however, often they do! Please try not to let this happen.

    hope this helps

    Duped

    Comment


    • #3
      Sharkyff651,

      Welcome to the forum!

      you mentioned in your post;

      At this piont on fathers day I found out she is pregnent with the man she cheated on me with. 1. can i get a divorce pronto? or do I have to wait? 2. She is moving out, to a appt with the children. It seems that I will be paying 792 a month in child support. Can this be possibly fair? She cheats, get pregnent, and I have to pay? 3. I'm in the CF, and now am forced to live in the shacks.. in a ten by ten room, and also have to pay the full bills from the debt we ammassed.. 4. Can debt be divieded and reduced from child support?
      I have to ask, are you absolutely sure you are not the father of the child?
      I have to comment that at law(Ontario) because you are married to your spouse you would legally be considered the father of this child. I would recommend having a DNA test completed. When a baby is born, by default, the hospital types the child's blood. However, blood typing is old school. You can't beat DNA results.

      Please read the Children's Law Reform Act R.S.O. 1990 c. C.12

      http://www.e-laws.gov.on.ca/DBLaws/S...0c12_e.htm#BK3

      PART II - ESTABLISHMENT OF PARENTAGE

      Declaration of paternity recognized at law

      (2) Where the court finds that a presumption of paternity exists under section 8 and unless it is established, on the balance of probabilities, that the presumed father is not the father of the child, the court shall make a declaratory order confirming that the paternity is recognized in law. R.S.O. 1990, c. C.12, s. 4 (2).


      Presumption of paternity

      8. (1) Unless the contrary is proven on a balance of probabilities, there is a presumption that a male person is, and he shall be recognized in law to be, the father of a child in any one of the following circumstances:

      1. The person is married to the mother of the child at the time of the birth of the child.

      2. The person was married to the mother of the child by a marriage that was terminated by death or judgment of nullity within 300 days before the birth of the child or by divorce where the decree nisi was granted within 300 days before the birth of the child.

      3. The person marries the mother of the child after the birth of the child and acknowledges that he is the natural father.

      4. The person was cohabiting with the mother of the child in a relationship of some permanence at the time of the birth of the child or the child is born within 300 days after they ceased to cohabit.

      5. The person has certified the child’s birth, as the child’s father, under the Vital Statistics Act or a similar Act in another jurisdiction in Canada.

      6. The person has been found or recognized in his lifetime by a court of competent jurisdiction in Canada to be the father of the child. R.S.O. 1990, c. C.12, s. 8 (1).

      Approved blood tests

      10. (1) Upon the application of a party in a civil proceeding in which the court is called upon to determine the parentage of a child, the court may give the party leave to obtain blood tests of such persons as are named in the order granting leave and to submit the results in evidence. R.S.O. 1990, c. C.12, s. 10 (1).

      Conditions attached

      (2) Leave under subsection (1) may be given subject to such terms and conditions as the court thinks proper. R.S.O. 1990, c. C.12, s. 10 (2).

      Inference from refusal

      (3) Where leave is given under subsection (1) and a person named therein refuses to submit to the blood test, the court may draw such inferences as it thinks appropriate. R.S.O. 1990, c. C.12, s. 10 (3).

      Consent to procedure

      (4) The Health Care Consent Act, 1996 applies to the blood test as if it were treatment under that Act. 1996, c. 2, s. 63.

      Regulations for blood tests

      11. The Lieutenant Governor in Council may make regulations governing blood tests for which leave is given by a court under section 10 including, without limiting the generality of the foregoing,

      (a) the method of taking blood samples and the handling, transportation and storage thereof;

      (b) the conditions under which a blood sample may be tested;

      (c) designating persons or facilities or classes thereof who are authorized to conduct blood tests for the purposes of section 10;

      (d) prescribing procedures respecting the admission of reports of blood tests in evidence;

      (e) prescribing forms for the purpose of section 10 and this section and providing for their use. R.S.O. 1990, c. C.12, s. 11.


      1. can i get a divorce pronto? or do I have to wait?
      It is always best to wait the 1 year separation then file for Divorce. If your going to file on the grounds of the affair, you will have to name the other party and prove that infidelity actually occurred. Will add thousands to litigation.

      It seems that I will be paying 792 a month in child support. Can this be possibly fair? She cheats, get pregnent, and I have to pay?
      Child support is the right of the child's. It is not fair to the children to live in poverty. Generally a person's income from previous year is compared against the tables to determine the amount.

      It appears that your spouse will be unable to work in the near future and may be eligible to bring forth a spousal support claim. However, the reason for not being able to work would be given consideration by the court.

      3. I'm in the CF, and now am forced to live in the shacks.. in a ten by ten room, and also have to pay the full bills from the debt we ammassed.. 4. Can debt be divieded and reduced from child support?
      The choice of where you live is ultimately up to yourself, however I would recommend maintaining a dwelling that is appropriate so you can have your children with you. Most army bases offer subsidized housing.(PMQ's) Have you considered this. The reason why I say this is that if you are living in the "shacks" or singles quarters, you children I suspect will not be allowed to visit you there.

      As far as the mutual debts go, generally assets and debts are equalized for the time of the relationship and marriage between the parties. If you assume all the debt, you cannot use it to lower a child support obligation.

      The other thing to look at is your pension contributions and employers contribution is considered an assets up for division. If you assume all the debt, perhaps you can use this to offset an equalization on your pension.

      I would definitely ask for at least Joint Custody of the children. Your occupation being CF creates a disadvantage to you somewhat with all the tours of duty. However, it doesn't hurt to ask, after all the tours of duties is your employment responsibility and you have a legal obligation to support your children.

      There is no doubt that your angry and hurt, However, put these feelings aside and perhaps attempt to negotiate a separation agreement with your wife if that is the route to go. In the long run it will be less stressful. Remember that despite what has happened that your spouse is still the mother of your children and that your children love their mother and yourself.

      Try to put the children first and come to a mutual agreement that is going to satisfy everyone.

      lv

      Comment


      • #4
        sharky.....

        well your life sounds alot like mine has been i just want to wish u soo much luck... i to was married to a cheater and later find out that there was even more than i thought. I just recently left my husband as well and now he is accusing me of all those nasty things that he did. I guess its easier to blame someone else for your own misery. I hope everything works out for you because you deserve so much more that that. I wish when people say I DO they would listen to what they are saying before just acting on it. I think these Forums are great i just stumbeled on it today myself and i am hoping i can get some support from people that are going through the same thing that i am. Then you know u are not alone. GOOD LUCK 2 U

        Comment

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