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  • access

    The saga ex resides in west end of ottawa & I in the east end.....he will have our child for July and now thinks its ok to take him to different county and expects me to drive 2.5 hours to get him at his girlfriends on my question is does he have to have my son at his LEGAL residence available for me to pick up on my weekends or do I have to go to his girlfriends? BTW his rebuttal is that because my parents who will looking after our child in August live also in different county that its ok for him to do this.....did I mention the care is going to be free of charge

  • #2
    It doesn't sound fair to me that you are expected to drive the whole distance - perhaps you could either meet halfway for both drop off and pick-up, or you could do pick-up and he could come back for drop off. Either way, you each end up doing the same amount of driving.

    Who will be doing the driving when your child is with your parents?

    With respect to your question regarding taking the child out of the country - technically, either of you could be stopped at the border, and asked for written permission from the other parent before the child can cross. (this happened to my ex in April - fortunately, he had a signed and notarized letter)

    As far as him taking your child to his girlfriends house - I am not sure you can stop that - nor am I sure why you would want to. Unless your child is in danger, you just have to trust that the other parent is making good choices ... you can't control what happens when the child is with dad, anymore than dad can control what happens when the child is with you.

    It's a tough lesson to learn - but your own life will be a lot more stress free if you can let go of some of that kind of stuff ... I now (almost 8 years later) only argue with my ex about things that impact the health or safety of our children ... it was too exhausting and time consuming to battle about everything else ... and doing so wasn't letting me move forward with my life.

    Good luck - I hope you can reach a fair compromise about the driving!


    • #3

      he already lives hour away (the other side of town)........hes not taking him out of the country just out of the county.......when we separated the agreement was to stay in Ottaw-Carleton county........then again in retro spect alot of things were agreed and he seems to have shaded memory when it comes to most of it........for august I will pick my child up & return him for my weekends and expect he shoulf do the same on his is MY parents providxing FREE daycare 24/7 for the month


      • #4

        You appear to be very child centered and very reasonable by participating in any access travel to begin with.

        You mentioned,

        he will have our child for July and now thinks its ok to take him to different county and expects me to drive 2.5 hours to get him at his girlfriends on my question is does he have to have my son at his LEGAL residence available for me to pick up on my weekends or do I have to go to his girlfriends?
        I would think he should have the child available at his residence not his girlfriends.

        You should get a receipt from your parents for the child care they will be giving to the child and seek a proportionate share of child care expense. It appears from all your posts to be a selfish individual and everything appears to be about him and not the child. As I mentioned before I believe you will be successful in your claims.



        • #5
          access & support

          okay I emailed his lawyer yesterday and he has been informed that I was right all along.......I would love to shove it in his face but Im a much bigger adult than he is.......I got my date for a motion today.........whats my next step...( I know the serving his lawyer & originals into continuing record) now what.......guess Im just used to doing all this paperwork it isnt funny


          • #6

            You have to complete an affidavit, stating the facts and background. Check this previous post out on affidavit writing.


            Once your affidavit is completed, you will have to serve the following on the other party

            Notice of Motion - Form 14 - Page 2 will list the orders your are requesting (Do not forget to ask for full costs) ie: An order for costs!

            Affidavit - Form 14A - Stick to the facts. Be careful of absolute statements. You can attach exhibits to your affidavit. (Read the hearsay Post) very helpful.

            Financial Statement - Form 13 - Complete and serve if previous one is more than 30 days old. This has to be served at least 7 days before the motion.

            Summary of Court Cases - Form 8E - Complete this form

            NEXT STEP

            Once you have the notice of motion, your affidavit, financial statement and summary of court cases completed, serve on the other parties Lawyer by SPECIAL SERVICE IN PERSON

            Once these documents are served, go to court house and file the documents.
            Complete the affidavit of service form (6B).

            Be sure to get a copy of the table of contents of the continuing record and send a copy by regular mail to the other parties lawyer and keep a copy for yourself.


            In the interim, the other party should be serving onto yourself, their affidavit and financial statement. If new incidents issues and claims are brought forward in their affidavit you can also bring forth a reply affidavit, However, you cannot address new issues in your reply affidavit. The court would ignore it.

            Once all the paperwork has been exchanged(served by both parties, you have to complete one more document - Confirmation 14C. at least 2 days before the held motion. This document is not served but is filed with the Registrar.

            Lindsay posted this link to you in a previous thread for motion procedure in the Superior Court of Justice.




            • #7

              ok I got most of that reply (understood)..........what do you mean by costs.......this has cost me nothing except time & headaches.....and have tried not to let this interfere with ym sons care......however I am sure at times has intervened a bit (im certainly not oblivious to my child at all nor at what needs to be done for my childs future and stability)..I have already filed my affavdavit can it be changed after the fact ...what do you mean by special service in person.....I cant just fax it to his lawyer


              • #8

                Motion materials only have to be served via special service if it's the commencement of proceedings (motion to vary). If you have just scheduled a motion in the middle of a proceeding, you may serve via fax, so long as it is 16 pages or less (including the fax cover sheet). You must attach a copy of the fax confirmation sheet to your affidavit of service.



                • #9

                  If you never asked for costs on your notice of motion , I would not worry about it. As you mentioned, already it hasn't really cost you much, However, if your successful, there is a presumption your entitled to costs.

                  Costs could be as an example - time off work, mileage .30/km, office supplies paper, postage, ink etc. Ultimately it would be up to the Judge what costs may be awarded. If the court remains silent on the issue of costs at the motion, expect none to be awarded.



                  • #10

                    he has given me an ultimatum in regards to July....he pays support he doesnt keep our child he doesnt pay support he keeps our I have always maintained he using our child in a game hes trying to play...I am sooooo fed up with this crap that I think Im going to scream and lose control with him and his lawyer.....they are both morons!!!!!!!! (sorry needed to vent there) parents will be watching our son free of charge for august and the ex also wants them to be taxis ervice for hm to bring our son to him on his weekends (thats whats you call either really arrogant or really stupid)........I do not have any intentions of giving up July support nor do I have any intentions of letting him off the hook if he decides not to keep our child for July for care fees and will also get reciept for august care fees on top........he doesnt want to push this BS any further cause Im going to lose it on him........not really just figuratively...I know my behaviour is being picked apart right now


                    • #11

                      yes, don't let him push your buttons. be calm cool and collective. An old saying that I know, smile! he will wonder what on earth your smiling about!
                      the other saying, silence is golden!

                      Both strategies will make them think your up to something!



                      • #12

                        the fight is still ongoing obviously however 2 days ago I recieved a letter from teh Office of the Childrens Lawyer declining to be involved in this that a good thing for me........are they seeing as any "normal" person would that I have defacto custody of my son and my ex wanting him is just in retaliation


                        • #13

                          Which party requested the involvement of the children's lawyer or was it ordered by the court?

                          The office of the children's lawyer have a whole criteria list that they scrutinize for potential involvement.

                          If you write to the agency, they may tell you formally why they declined to get involved.

                          They also have the criteria listed




                          • #14

                            you should realize currently at law that both parent's have coextensive custody of the child until a court order's otherwise or a separation agreement is in place determining this.

                            The difference being in your situation is that you have acted as the parent who cared primarily after your child since separation and took the child to medical appointments etc.

                            Your stance is more robust, since you have been the one making the decisions for the child, and it is easy to show that it is in the child’s best interests that you should be the one with custody, since you have taken on most to all the responsibility for the child already throughout the years. Five years is a long time.

                            What the court will look at is the best interest test and where the child is living currently. Courts generally don't interrupt the status quo arrangement if everything is working out well for the child.

                            The court's will look at the effort you put forth to foster the relationship between the other parent and child. I suspect you have nothing to worry about in this regard as you have already put forth a great effort as the other parent regularly exercises the child's access. You have mentioned that you also participate in the child's access travel. This looks really good on you.

                            However, this would not preclude an order for joint custody such as a parallel parenting order.

                            I have read cases where joint custody was ordered, despite the parties abilities to communicate or co-operate in the best interest of the child. The court ordered joint custody to prevent parental alienation from occurring.

                            There is a presumption that joint custody prevails, and the onus is on the party that contests such an order to demonstrate why it is not in the child's best interest to have such in place. Simply disagreeing to such an order is not sufficient.

                            See this case


                            Last edited by logicalvelocity; 06-28-2006, 07:09 PM.


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