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My son's father RARELY if ever does anything one on one with the child. It's been this way since he departed. As much as I dislike EX, and I don't believe he's a great influence (of any kind) it's pretty tragic that he cannot put aside time w/his son. He often cancels the Wed afterschool pick up w/excuses like "the baby is sick" (has 2 kids w/new partner) and blah blah blah. If I had a buck for every excuse, my house would be paid off.
I can see our son ending up feeling as your (adult) son does, Arabian. One thing that is evident: new partners should encourage their husband/wife to spend quality one on one time with their children from previous marriages. I look very closely at how men I've dated treat their kids. It's a telling sign of who they really are. Personally, I would find it very disturbing if a man I was dating did not show very obvious signs that he's a good father. The way people treat their ex's and first families says a lot.
I also would not interfere with any dealings with an ex. I think I kinda cleared that up in a previous post though when I said (more or less) that I wouldn't go near anyone embroiled in Family-Lit with a barge pole
Arabian: your experience is a case in point and fast forward scenario (your son is 30) of how badly and profoundly relationships can be damaged (between father and son). Yes for the younger 2nd families out there it's important for the kids to gel in etc., but it is very important that parents spend some one on one time - with ALL of their kids. PS: it's not that I have anything against ppl who are in court/litigation - I know too well how unavoidable it can be... I just couldn't go through it again. I'm even telling my mother to get ALL her affairs in order b/c I just don't want to be forever in Court or w/lawyers for the rest of my life :s
I can see our son ending up feeling as your (adult) son does, Arabian. One thing that is evident: new partners should encourage their husband/wife to spend quality one on one time with their children from previous marriages. I look very closely at how men I've dated treat their kids. It's a telling sign of who they really are. Personally, I would find it very disturbing if a man I was dating did not show very obvious signs that he's a good father. The way people treat their ex's and first families says a lot.
I also would not interfere with any dealings with an ex. I think I kinda cleared that up in a previous post though when I said (more or less) that I wouldn't go near anyone embroiled in Family-Lit with a barge pole
Arabian: your experience is a case in point and fast forward scenario (your son is 30) of how badly and profoundly relationships can be damaged (between father and son). Yes for the younger 2nd families out there it's important for the kids to gel in etc., but it is very important that parents spend some one on one time - with ALL of their kids. PS: it's not that I have anything against ppl who are in court/litigation - I know too well how unavoidable it can be... I just couldn't go through it again. I'm even telling my mother to get ALL her affairs in order b/c I just don't want to be forever in Court or w/lawyers for the rest of my life :s
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