"your child has ADD and needs tutoring" - "I don't care"

[Lorac]

Hi Roaming,

I too have a son with a lot of disabilities. I have been through hell and back with him concerning school, doctors, hospitals, developmental centres ect ect. He is the youngest of my 4 sons and he will be 33 in June. He has finally been approved for a disability pension and my 3 years of fighting with the Government has finally paid off.

May I suggest you get your child seen by a specialist for children with ADD or ADHD. Have him tested for everything and when the results come in I suggest you apply for a disability pension now if he/she needs it. When my son was young these things were not readily available for children with special needs. Luckily today things are more accessible and parents are more knowledgeable to these needs.

I too agree to get your ex's butt to court. While my views are very different regarding SS I firmly agree with CS.

take care

[roamingfree]

all my family is in Europe. I've been here for 20 years and we don't visit often, I wen t back only 3 times over the years. I have friends here, but they all work or I am not the type to ask for help. They usually are busy with their own families. I don't have friends who are single parents.

[penniless]

I would also suggest you learn family law, a lawyer is not the way to go, you will hurt yourself even more.

[penniless]

Apply for child tax benefit. ADD should be covered under it. Its and extra $208 a month.

Be aware that any benefits you will get for a child will be deducted from your ex's section 7 expenses.

So any child tax benefits you get will be deducted dollar for dollar from his portion of section 7 expenses. Then the remainder is allocated between the 2 of you based on income.

It his highly unlikely you will get much for section 7 expenses from him.

[May_May]

As others have said...get him to court ! He's a deadbeat father which is unacceptable.

Where is your family/friends ? If they are in another city/province perhaps you move to them. Given dad does not visit, I'm sure you would be able to. Then family/friends can help you.

[hadenough]

Drag his ass into Court - commence an application. You won't be any worse off than you are now and I understand you are incredibly overwhelmed.

[roamingfree]

thank you. I adjusted my expenses drastically. I don't know if it's even possible to do with less than I already manage and the kids still get everything they need, but it's getting to the point that it's either food or bills or tutoring or rent. Our bills are very narrowed down.
In any case, I may look into getting another lawyer. This one is not as aggressive as I need him to be. He is a deputpy judge, he was on board of children's lawyer, but I just don't see if he is really going out of his way to help. Seems like he is not really giving me pointers of what to do, but just goes about this thing with velvet gloves on.
I never even knew I could have an emergency motion until today and I have been with this lawyer since November.

thank you.

[Pursuinghappiness]

I guess that is the prerogative of this system, that a single mother can only do poorly. If she has a little of her money that should be enough and a father who keeps lowering payments till there is nothing is off the hook, because there is nothing expected from him.

Roaming:

I don't think this is about gender at all. You married a bad guy who turned into a bad ex-husband. Join the club.

For every woman on here struggling to get cs out of a deadbeat dad...there's a guy who's paying a deadbeat mom for not meeting her parental obligations. There's too little penalty for lacking parental accountability after divorce.

I also don't think anyone is suggesting its easy. You have my sympathies...I know how tough it is and I don't have a child with special educational needs like you do.

I think the above posters were simply telling you that you need to do whatever you can to help yourself...which it sounds like you're doing...and that you IMMEDIATELY need to take this dingbat to court. If you're lawyer is clueless...then go get a new lawyer or self-represent because its pointless to pay someone money that you don't have when they're not helping you at all. Also, they're telling you to turn over every leaf to find alternatives to making more income and reducing expenses. Sometimes you have to think outside of the box. Its hard to do..its easier to say "i can't, I've tried..." but the point is keep trying to find alternatives. I had to cut back every expense I had. I lowered all my normal bills, reduced features on my cell phone, got cheaper TV, found cheaper ways to buy food, etc, etc, etc. You have to be creative. See if you have some skills that you can utilize to bring in income. For instance, if your area has a shortage of babysitters...why can't you supplement your income by babysitting yourself? Its not that hard to get your house approved for in-home care and could provide you with a little extra each week.

You can get through anything with the right focus and attitude. You just have to put aside the negativity...you already know that you married and divorced a dbag...get over it and concentrate on your kids...he's not going to help you and you're gonna have to do it yourself. Buck up...it sounds like you're halfway there already....you sound like a really good mom and you have a gift in a future with your children that he's throwing away like a fool. Trust that in time, you're going to reap the benefits of your efforts.

Best wishes.

[roamingfree]

the issue here is a DEADBEAT father not a mother who pulls money for herself and manages to survive on a very tight budget.

I guess that is the prerogative of this system, that a single mother can only do poorly. If she has a little of her money that should be enough and a father who keeps lowering payments till there is nothing is off the hook, because there is nothing expected from him.

Nothing will change until people are held responsible for their kids.
I know I am.

So again, please cut out the "go to work" junk. You don't know the full circumstances.

gawd $60/week - do these kids even eat? do they even have homework done? will they go to tutoring?

[roamingfree]

regardless, finding a sitter is not the issue I need help with. I need help with court and what I can do and what I can file. When I tell a father "you haven't talked to them since August" and he replies "I don't care" but managed to tell me that he just paid $2500 to Revenue last week, but does not have $150 for a kids glasses who is doing very poorly in school and needs every help available I see that as a problem.


so, please, everyone refrain from posting where and how to find a sitter. I think you dont realize that small kids get sick often, last week my youngest was at home all week, and this week both of them missed 2 days of school. Kids with fevers and runny yellow/green nose are not admitted to school. All my family is in Europe.
I feel like I need to explain myself why I don't work 9-5 why I don't have day care and why this is prolonging. I asked for help with court, not to solve my day to day issues.
Please do not judge a single mother where you fully do not understand full spectrum of all circumstances. Besides, I'm on disability and so working full time is totally out of the question for many reasons.

[roamingfree]

there is no baby sitters in the Beach. if it's $60/week than I would be very wary of putting my kids there. sitters in the Beach are asking $10/hr cash. I think you need to really be actually looking for a sitter to understand what the actual pay is.

[Berner_Faith]

You should be able to find a babysitter, rather than a daycare... private babysitters are often cheaper than daycare...

Here... City of Toronto babysitting classifieds, find babysitting in City of Toronto - Kijiji City of Toronto Free Classifieds

There is a list of babysitters in Toronto. I just scanned through a few of them and one is offering babysitting at $60 per week... that seems fairly reasonable to me.

[roamingfree]

my younger child goes to school for 2.5 hours. there is no part time work for 1.5 hr.
i can't keep going with the imports - when he cut the support, I put all the money in paying for bills. I don't have money to start that again. I'm in a such a funk emotionally that I don't even know where to start.

[Rioe]

Take him to court ASAP. Start your application ASAP because that date is what will be used for arrears. There's nothing to agree on for child support because it's all set down by guidelines. He'll owe an amount based on his income. You can be prepared for him to downplay his income as he is self-employed, but you have the history of him paying to use to impute his income if necessary.

Make sure you also get extraordinary expenses covered from him, and that will be his contributions towards the specalized eyeglasses and the tutoring.

You should have done this YEARS ago.

And yes, you should also be supporting yourself as best you can. Get a retail job of some sort with shifts during school hours. Work harder on this importing business of yours, if you can. Then, when you are able to try to return to a career, your resume also won't be so empty, and you can have some current references.

Is it just me, or are there a lot of people asking the same questions they've asked before and expecting different answers today?

[roamingfree]

I'm going back to school right now. However, with the pattern my kids get sick, I will be fired in two weeks. They can't go to school or day care when they are sick. the only day care they would have is the YMCA at their school. Only one of my kids is in full day school. The 5 year old is still in half days only. I don't have any family here or friends who would look after them when they are home sick. It's all simple on paper, but in reality single mothers hop from job to job when they do not have support system. I really don't. When my kids are 12 I can see having a career. I really don't see how this is even remotely possible right now. In any case, this is not some woe is me story. I have been importing goods from Europe for kids here and that was fine and was bringing in money while I had a 2 year old and a newborn. So, it's not that I'm not willing. I am not able to go about looking after clients when I have no one to look after my kids and no money to pay for it. Subsidized day care is a 2 year wait list minimum. My chances of obtaining stable employment are slim. I can find part time work, but that will be enough to pay for sitter. In any case, I'm on disability as well, so again my job outlook is not as rosy.
I need to know what I can provide for kids right now. I have my own sources coming to me from Europe, but it's not enough to give my child tutoring, eyeglasses, occupational therapist, piano lessons with specialized teacher that was helping her a lot too. I don't even want to think about what may be going on with my other child.
We never had any agreement when it comes to support. Only proof is bank deposits and emails. Will that be enough to seek the amounts at least for the emergency motion?
thank you.