Do you think OCL can look beyond a troubled past?

[Access Dad]

For those of you that don't know, I am currently seeking increased and unsupervised access. Access has been supervised because I had a drug problem. I have been sober now going on 17 months. My ex is fighting to keep access supervised because she feels I haven't proven to be able to sustain my sobriety. She asked OCL to get involved and they accepted the case. I had my first meeting with the investigator about two weeks ago. I signed authoraizations for police and CAS records.

For those of you that have dealt with OCL, do you find them fair and willing to look a t how much a parent with a coloured past has changed. I have criminal record unfortunately from poor choices that go hand and hand with addiction (things like fraud and fail to comply with probation). Obviously when you're an addict you do stupid and illegal things to support your habit. I was eligible for a Pardon until Harper's new crime bill passed and now I will have to wait two more years.

Do you think the OCL can look past my life as it was when I was an addict, and judge me on the man I am today? (clean, sober, working etc..). Just nervous and anxious I guess. I just hope he's fair

[hadenough]

ACCESS Dad: I know Zippo about OCL but I have read all or most of your posts and they seem genuinely sincere, as do you. So I hope the OCL person assigned to you will be fair and compassionate. You are in this for the long haul - both access and sobriety. So just be the best you can be, stay the path. Good things will eventually come. Very best wishes.

Rome wasn't built in a day Good Luck!!!

[Access Dad]

Thanks hadenough: You're right. Just like my lawyer says, I just have to keep doing all that I can do and believe the results will follow accordingly. I try to think every day if there's anything else I can do. I think I've done all I can to turn my life around and hopefully the OCL guy will see this too. I think it's time I leave it in God's hands. Thank you for your supportive and encouraging words.

[wretchedotis]

It depends on what kind of decision from them you are hoping for.

to relax supervised visitation and similar, you sound like you're on the right track - and I would be surprised if you don't get that result.

if you're hoping they'll say you should have full custody, well - you might be dissapointed.

their mandate is to look out for the childs best interest. a dad (yes, even with a troubled past) is definately in a kids best interest.

don't sweat it. keep up the good work.

[Access Dad]

Thanks wretchedotis. No I'm not seeking custody. I have no illussions about the chances of going from supervised access to sole custody. I seek only to remove the supervision of access and EOW and split of all holidays. I know the reality of my situation and I look now to the role I can play as an "Access Dad" .

[Tayken]

Thanks wretchedotis. No I'm not seeking custody. I have no illussions about the chances of going from supervised access to sole custody. I seek only to remove the supervision of access and EOW and split of all holidays. I know the reality of my situation and I look now to the role I can play as an "Access Dad" .

You can recommend a variety of different solutions to demonstrate your sobriety.

1. Random drug and alcohol screening.
2. Scheduled drug and alcohol screening.

Basically, demonstrate to the CAS/OCL that you will forgo your personal rights to privacy on those matters in the best interests of your child. If you have nothing to hide... If you screw up they will know right away and they can get a recommendation/order put forward to deal with a test failure.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[Access Dad]

I'm already ahead of you Tayken. The last line of my affidavit says: "I am content and willing to provide the Respondent with random urine and/or hair drug screens as evidence of my ongoing sobriety."

I've already provided two hair tests show a combined total of 11 months of sobriety. I will give her a drug test when ever she asks for one (I would ask that she pay for all or some of the costs though - $200 a pop for the hair tests). It doesn't bother me one bit.

But I never thought of telling the OCL the same thing. I'm going to do that the next meeting I have with him. That's a great idea. It should really show the OCL that I have nothing to fear and I'm willing to be subject to these kinds of things in order to give my daughter a meaningful, unsupervised relationship with me.
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[Access Dad]

I'm already ahead of you Tayken. The last line of my affidavit says: "I am content and willing to provide the Respondent with random urine and/or hair drug screens as evidence of my ongoing sobriety."

I've already provided two hair tests show a combined total of 11 months of sobriety. I will give her a drug test when ever she asks for one (I would ask that she pay for all or some of the costs though - $200 a pop for the hair tests). It doesn't bother me one bit.

But I never thought of telling the OCL the same thing. I'm going to do that the next meeting I have with him. That's a great idea. It should really show the OCL that I have nothing to fear and I'm willing to be subject to these kinds of things in order to give my daughter a meaningful, unsupervised relationship with me.

[SingingDad]

For those of you that don't know, I am currently seeking increased and unsupervised access. Access has been supervised because I had a drug problem. I have been sober now going on 17 months. My ex is fighting to keep access supervised because she feels I haven't proven to be able to sustain my sobriety. She asked OCL to get involved and they accepted the case. I had my first meeting with the investigator about two weeks ago. I signed authoraizations for police and CAS records.

For those of you that have dealt with OCL, do you find them fair and willing to look a t how much a parent with a coloured past has changed. I have criminal record unfortunately from poor choices that go hand and hand with addiction (things like fraud and fail to comply with probation). Obviously when you're an addict you do stupid and illegal things to support your habit. I was eligible for a Pardon until Harper's new crime bill passed and now I will have to wait two more years.

Do you think the OCL can look past my life as it was when I was an addict, and judge me on the man I am today? (clean, sober, working etc..). Just nervous and anxious I guess. I just hope he's fair

Did you go through a program, or counselling during the time you got sober? Do you you have supports in place to help you stay sober? Have you taken any parenting classes? Has your doctor been actively involved in monitoring your physical and Mental health since you were sober? What kind of information will the people who provide the supervised access say? Can your employer offer any positive feedback?

You need to give the OCL investigator a laundry list of names of people to contact that can vouch for your sobriety and stability. If it means shelling out a few bucks to start seeing a psychologist, or counsellor so they can vouch for you do it. Your going to have to open your life like a book to the investigator.

People rarely consider parenting courses, but there are a ton out there that are really useful, and the instructors can be very good impartial third parties for people from the OCL to talk to.

If all you have is CAS and the police you may be in trouble. If you have an open file with CAS there are courses offered by Family Services Ottawa that are offered free of charge.

"Just for Dads... parenting when you're single" and

"Parenting with confidence"

I'm currently going through a custody and access evaluation with the OCL wrt my three kids. I thankfully have three doctors that know me, my kids' doctor, my employer, the CAS worker, teachers and the principle from my kids' school, worker from crossroads, parenting course instructors, marriage counsellor, priests, instructors for the kids extra-curricular activities that I have given Contact information to my investigator. None have any reason to say anything bad about me.

In all my advise to you is become involved in anyway you can beyond your access. Put your best foot forward and don't hold grudges.

[Access Dad]

Singingdad: Thank you for your very informative response. Yes I went through treatment to get sober. Yes I did take a parenting and anger management course. I do not have an open file with the CAS. I don't believe the Supervised Access Center staff have anything bad to say about me and the way I interact with my daughter (there has never been an incident of any kind at the Center). At my treatment center, there were two counsellors I saw (one of them individual counselling, the other for group) plus an MD who specializes in addictions that I saw on a weekly basis. I have already given the OCL these impartial and expert people as my collateral contacts. As far partial contacts, I gave my brother and sister who are the people clsest to me that very intimate knowledge about my addiction and my sobriety. They never supported my addiction, but have wonderfully supported my sobriety. They never used to let me spend time with their children (5 in total), but since I have become sober, I spend time (unsupervised) with them; ages 13, 11, 8, 4 and 2. I have baby sat all of them and become a real big part of their lives. On my off-weekends from seeing my daughter, I usually go to my brother's house and spend the weekend with his 4 kids. Thanks for the helpful advice. I will definitely look into whether or not I can afford to see a psych and get an evaluation.

[danzuchy]

Question:

1) How do they know about your "drug history"? Allegations or something verifiable?
2) How bad is "bad"? There are a lot of "addicts" out there and most hide it very well.
3) Unless you have been caught doing it in front of the kids or drove while drunk with kids inside etc. then it can be handled.

OCL will look at your relationship with the kids and how your drug use affected them (i.e. put them in danger etc.). If all occasions you were functional or they were not around well it shouldn't be an issue. Anyways the fact that you are working to clean up will say a lot.

What about the other side? Clean?

[danzuchy]

You can recommend a variety of different solutions to demonstrate your sobriety.

1. Random drug and alcohol screening.
2. Scheduled drug and alcohol screening.

Basically, demonstrate to the CAS/OCL that you will forgo your personal rights to privacy on those matters in the best interests of your child. If you have nothing to hide... If you screw up they will know right away and they can get a recommendation/order put forward to deal with a test failure.

Good Luck!
Tayken

I would NEVER offer CAS random drug testing. CAS are like the police- under trained and always abuse their power.

Offer it to the OCL only. OCL and CAS are not a hand in hand org. You will be surprised what the OCL and Judges think of CAS these days.

[Access Dad]

Question:

1) How do they know about your "drug history"? Allegations or something verifiable?
2) How bad is "bad"? There are a lot of "addicts" out there and most hide it very well.
3) Unless you have been caught doing it in front of the kids or drove while drunk with kids inside etc. then it can be handled.

OCL will look at your relationship with the kids and how your drug use affected them (i.e. put them in danger etc.). If all occasions you were functional or they were not around well it shouldn't be an issue. Anyways the fact that you are working to clean up will say a lot.

What about the other side? Clean?

danzuchy: Thanks for your reply.
Answer to Question 1: The CAS found out about my drug use while I was still with my ex and my daughter was only a little less than a year old. I admitted to it, there was no way I could hide it really. I was addicted to crystal meth and I failed a nymber of drug tests. The CAS was working with me until they one day received an "anonymous" phone call stating that I had just made a drug purchase for $8000. There was alot of fighting between me and my ex at that time because of my addiction and she left me (don't blame her one bit). She then got a court order that my access was to be supervised and has been ever since.

Questions 2 & 3: My addiction was bad. I was an every day user. There was never any incident of danger or neglect with my daughter and me. My ex doesn't even make that allegation. I never did any drugs in her presence and really there was never any opportunity for me to do something stupid because my access has been supervised basically her whole life (she's 7 now).

My daughter has no clue about any drugs or anything like that. She was too young to remember any of the fighting and my ex and I have made it a life practice to NEVER argue in front of her. She is only now starting to ask why we can never go outside by ourselves and things like that.

The other side is clean. My ex is a great mother and was commended by the CAS for leaving me and the situation. I basically do not have anything bad to say about her except that she is fighting so hard to keep access supervised when she knows and does not dispute that I am a sober man now for almost 18 months. It's funny, because our relationshipt was just fine all these years while access was supervised and I still continued to have a drug problem. She didn't mind so much. It's only now that I am sober and have turned my life around that things between her and I have gone sour. Go figure that one. Anyway, my lawyer tells me that getting better access is not about making the other parent look bad or pointing out flaws in her parenting (that's more for a "custody" battle). Getting better access is more about highlighting the good things I have done as opposed to the bad things she has done. Thanks for your reply. Much appreciated.

[SingingDad]

Honestly, she probably has some anxiety about the whole thing because she knows once your access is no longer supervised, she may have to start talking about a more split custody arrangement. That is hard for many parents who have had a sole custody situation for a long time. I posted a link to an article regarding the importance of increasing/maintaining parent-child contact and specifically speaks to paternal involvement. It's a good reference for any parent (but father's especially) trying to increase their access.

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...contact-11727/

[Access Dad]

I would NEVER offer CAS random drug testing. CAS are like the police- under trained and always abuse their power.

Offer it to the OCL only. OCL and CAS are not a hand in hand org. You will be surprised what the OCL and Judges think of CAS these days.

I'm not involved with the CAS any more. They closed their file on my family the moment my ex got the sole custody order and my access was ordered to be supervised. Our case now falls under the Children's Law Reform Act and not under the Child protection laws, so it's a private dispute in which CAS is not involved.

I have nothing to hide and will continue to give drug tests for as long as the OCL, the court or my ex wants. Taken is right, it's a solid solution to anyone that might have fear of me relapsing. That way if I fail a test, I'll sign an agreement that my ex will have the right to withold access until the matter goes to court. I don't wann sound over-confident but that is how much i believe in my sobriety.