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  • Kids moved five months ago. Can I get custody?

    My ex moved five months ago with my kids to another city. I didn't know about the move until over two months after it had happened as I wasn't in contact with her due to a restraining order. My lawyer put in my court papers that all of her allegations of threats were lies, but she may have recordings of me that sound hostile. Just being around her pisses me off. I found out the CAS told her she could move when I was in jail and that she was just protecting the kids. they didn't even call me first.

    Case conference isn't until the end of March. What are my chances of getting custody of the kids, or forcing her to move back? She probably has them enrolled in all kinds of crap up there now. Can she use the fact that she's doing all the transportation for access against me? Or that I'm not paying child support?

    I put in my court papers I could move in with my girlfriend if I get the kids. She has a kid too. My ex lives with or near her fiance up there, he doesn't even have any kids. How can I prove I'm the better parent? She has sole custody now which I never should have let her have, but I tried to kill myself last spring because of her and now she's using that in her court papers and saying I'm unstable.

  • #2
    My ex moved five months ago with my kids to another city. I didn't know about the move until over two months after it had happened as I wasn't in contact with her due to a restraining order. My lawyer put in my court papers that all of her allegations of threats were lies, but she may have recordings of me that sound hostile. Just being around her pisses me off. I found out the CAS told her she could move when I was in jail and that she was just protecting the kids. they didn't even call me first.
    You were in jail for a reason I assume... because she has been there for 5 months she most likely qualifies for a status quo, changing this will be difficult

    Case conference isn't until the end of March. What are my chances of getting custody of the kids, or forcing her to move back? She probably has them enrolled in all kinds of crap up there now. Can she use the fact that she's doing all the transportation for access against me? Or that I'm not paying child support?
    Again, I would say this falls under status quo and a judge most likely won't up root the kids if they are being well taken care of. Why are you not paying CS? If she is providing you with reasonable access I don't think you have a chance for sole custody.

    I put in my court papers I could move in with my girlfriend if I get the kids. She has a kid too. My ex lives with or near her fiance up there, he doesn't even have any kids. How can I prove I'm the better parent?
    I think a better question here would be... why do you think she is an unfit parent? In order for her to lose custody you need to have evidence that it is in the children's best interest to live with you because she is unfit.

    She has sole custody now which I never should have let her have, but I tried to kill myself last spring because of her and now she's using that in her court papers and saying I'm unstable.
    Are you unstable? I would think the courts would look at attempted suicide as something serious, have you had medical clearance from a health professional?

    I don't know about your situation, nor what may or may not happen, but she does have status quo now

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    • #3
      I'm not paying child support because I'm on ODSP. She's never asked for it either. Her fiance loves throwing his cash around and paying for everything. I don't have any money so he may as well waste his.

      My doctor said my suicide attempt was situational because of my ex. She's just so damn good at making herself look like the victim.

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      • #4
        What her fiance makes is irrelevant ... if you make over a certain amount, you may have to pay CS...and how is him spending money supporting your kids wasting his money?

        Your ex may feel different about your suicide and more than likely she will try to prove you unfit...

        What is your lawyer saying about the situation?

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        • #5
          He's requesting joint custody saying she tricked me into the first two court orders that gave her sole custody and that she moved without my consent because I was on various medications and suffering from depression. He said we could use me not having access with the kids for two months to say she wasn't giving me access, but she did give me access when my sister contacted her and brings the kids down for my weekends. Can she still be found in contempt of a court order if she's not keeping the kids from me now? She still changed the access schedule and I would have never agreed to her moving out of town. I don't want my kids raised by some other guy.

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          • #6
            I would say after having digested all of that: that you don't even have a "slim" chance of joint custody, let alone sole. Status quo definitely applies here, and although depression and mental illness are real issues that require sensitivity - it doesn't exactly put you in a favorable light. You exude hostility. Now that I do understand as I've felt it before too, and with good reason, but going into court w/that kind of unbridled hostility will get you nowhere fast. Well. It's court. Maybe not (too) fast, but nevertheless "nowhere"

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Judas View Post
              He's requesting joint custody saying she tricked me into the first two court orders that gave her sole custody and that she moved without my consent because I was on various medications and suffering from depression. He said we could use me not having access with the kids for two months to say she wasn't giving me access, but she did give me access when my sister contacted her and brings the kids down for my weekends. Can she still be found in contempt of a court order if she's not keeping the kids from me now? She still changed the access schedule and I would have never agreed to her moving out of town. I don't want my kids raised by some other guy.
              be thankful he is stepping up to the plate and paying for supporting your kids. Your ex doesnt have to ask for child support, you should have been paying.

              So you get the kids you are going to rush and move in with ur gf??? that is the worse thing you can do. If you were serious about the gf then why havent you been living with her, why does it take the kids for you to move in with her.

              Have to agree with other poster, you seem to have some hostility and anger issues. If she is not keeping the kids from you now then why go for a comptempt order? File it away to use later as evidence if she does it again.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Judas View Post
                I'm not paying child support because I'm on ODSP. She's never asked for it either. Her fiance loves throwing his cash around and paying for everything. I don't have any money so he may as well waste his.

                My doctor said my suicide attempt was situational because of my ex. She's just so damn good at making herself look like the victim.
                so raising your kids, giving them food, clothing and shelter is him wasting his money????? Do you feel that if you had to pay CS that it would be a waste of your money???

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                • #9
                  For clarification purposes, just what exactly, in your view makes YOU the "better parent?"

                  You've mentioned Jail, a restraining order, you haven't paid CS, you plan to move in w/your gf, and you don't want some other guy raising your kids. That's on top of your hostility, suicide attempt and your admission that "just being around her pisses you off."

                  Lumped together or individually, (your comments/rationale) you certainly are making a strong case against yourself, with all due respect. Everyone on this forum has dealt with frustration - lots of it - and no one is denying you that I'm sure: but your entire approach is off-putting. You need to take a very serious inventory here and ask your lawyer what he believes the best possible outcome for you, and the kids, he/she expects to come of this.

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                  • #10
                    I know it's not something you want to hear, but in my view, you haven't a chance of getting custody. There has to be a better reason for you to want custody other than the fact that you don't want another man raising your kids. This is not the type of rational upon which a judge will look favourably. I understand it's tough, and I understand you're pissed off at the situation, but you have to take a real, honest look at yourself and ask: "what is my part in this whole thing?" My daughter was taken away from me because I had a very serious drug problem. For the last five years, I have ahad to exercise supervised access to her. I was angry, ashamed and in denial. As a man, I didn't want anybody "watching" me play and spend time with my own child like I was some pedophile. But on November 4, 2010, I had enough. I realized that the ONLY way I was ever going to be able to take my daughter to the movies, or to the park, or anywhere alone was if I got real with myself. November 4, 2010 is the day I said goodbye to drugs. I got help and I'm now in my 15th month of sobriety. As the toxicity gradually left my brain, I had to deal with alot of shame and crippling regret. I thought it was just hard for me to swallow my pride, but I realized that I had become a man that no longer had any pride. I was an addict who destroyed his life and the lives of those who loved me. I thought of my daughter having to grow up and keep the shameful secret that her dad was drug addict who didn't care enough about her to stop using, even if it meant we could have a normal relationship. That thought made me sick to my stomach. And now, with my daughter still relatively young (7), I can change that story. Indeed, I will have to tell her one day that I did have a drug problem, but I can also tell her that overcame that problem and I did it so I could have a normal relationship with her. Of course, my ex, though she knows and does not (in fact cannot) dispute that I'm a sober man now, she resists any unsupervised access (for reasons other than safety). So we're going to court where I'm asking for unsupervised and every other weekend and half of all holidays. For the first time, I feel a judge won't laugh me out of the courtroom because I'm a drug-user daring to ask for unsupervised access. So you see, I too had deal with another man in my daughter's life and my ex controlling all of the access, but the difference now is that I know it was my choices that put me where I am today. It is my fault I have to deal with this. Just think about it before you attempt to go in front of a judge. Maybe custody is not the right thing for your kids. Maybe a good solid access regime is the (only) way to go. You see my username on this site is "Access Dad." That's what I am. And I plan to be the best Access Dad there ever was. Maybe you should think about this too. It can work out but you to look at yourself as much as, if not more than, anybody else. Good luck!

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                    • #11
                      AccessDad: your wellness and sobriety is a gift to us all. I always enjoy reading your no-nonsense and from the heart responses. My ex doesn't have a past w/any substance but he is as hopeless as the day is long. He wouldn't know to speak the truth if his life depended on it. Thank you for your wisdom and you're right, you are changing the story and it is so good to know that some people, despite all the odds, do strive to overcome the obstacles and personal demons, or what have you, to put their children first. Wishing you continued wellness and inner peace because your daughter does have a good dad

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                      • #12
                        AccessDad...you said it in a light I hope the OP can truly understand... OP you can try to blame your ex for everything that went wrong in your life/relationship, but the reality is...you are the one to blame.

                        I really must agree with other posters here that have stated that sole custody is out of the question... joint custody may be an option, but you do understand that with joint custody, it doesn't actually mean equal access.

                        Your contempt motion won't get you far...first its in the past and if you were ill and she feared for the children's safety she may have an argument.

                        I know its hard to think that someone else is raising your children... and I understand how many NCP feel about this... however, take it from someone who is in the light you hate... my bf has 2 kids... when we started our relationship, his ex hated the fact I was around... she is the CP and he is the NCP... she hated the fact that I was around on his access days (we lived together) and she hated when I picked up the kids when he had to work... This went on for a about 6 months... until one day I was tired of the constant fighting between them about me... I picked the children up at our meeting location and when they were in the van, I took the chance to step away and have a little talk with her, woman to woman...

                        I explained to her, that in no way shape or form, would I ever try to take over her mothering position...I told her she was their mother and that was never going to change...but I wish she would understand that I was with her ex and being with him, meant I was also bringing the children into my life. (By this time bf and I were serious) So I went on to tell her that even though those children are not technically mine, I would do all I could to make sure they had the best possible future and I wanted her to think of me not as an enemy to her and the kids, but rather another person in the children's lives that was there to love and support them. Lets face it, children can never have too much love and support...

                        She thanked me that day and since...her and I actually have a better relationship than my bf and her... her and I talk more than him and her do...mostly because I am the one who does the pick ups, but I also think its because she realizes that I respect her and what is more important than hating me, is the fact that her kids are going to have that much more of an opportunity in life.

                        Don't think of this new guy as replacing you, or wasting his time/money... be happy that your children are living a great and happy life, one that right now (according to you) can't afford to help with. Your children deserve to be supported and if this guy is willing to step up and make sure they are... don't hate him for that... you don't have to really like him but at least respect what he is doing for your children.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Judas View Post
                          My doctor said my suicide attempt was situational because of my ex. She's just so damn good at making herself look like the victim.
                          This is priceless.

                          With all due respect, and I write this with the best intentions: you might benefit from some (more?) counselling. Your doctor can make some referrals/suggestions.

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                          • #14
                            Hadenough: Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm very proud of my sobriety and thank you for saying my daughter has a good dad. That means alot to me and I hope we all have inspired the OP to take another approach. I hope you can keep a little faith locked away for your ex. He just might one day come around. Maybe an event will occur in his life that will make him see the light and start working the problem. Until then, as we say in treatment, "don't ask God to move the mountain for you, ask Him for the strength to climb it." God Bless and thanks again.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              AccessDad: Keep up the good healing and regardless of the outcome of your next court date, stay the course b/c I believe you are very close to achieving important goals w/regards to access w/your daughter. Ha, as for my ex, sadly I truly believe he is hopeless. There is no 'event' that will right him - and I do believe that some people are just pure evil. I mean that not in any religious context - just in the literal sense. The honest way in which you write is touching to read. Please keep this forum informed as to your access progress.. There are many on here wishing you the very best.

                              Comment

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