Access?

[janedoe99]

What does the court usually order to an access parent if parties cannot agree? Is there a typical access schedule?

[Gary M]

As much as we'd like to give you a straight answer, there are too many variables involved...

We don't have enough information to give you even a guess at this point.

All other things being equal, things are moving in the direction of 50/50 parenting, though.

I wil say, though, that if you can't agree then someone will decide for you. That's a crap shoot - do you really want a stranger deciding what happens to your kids based on a few hours worth of information? I'm probably "preaching to the choir" here, but I really wish more people could grasp this simple fact.

Cheers!

Gary

[Berner_Faith]

I totally agree with Gary...unfortunately when things get heated the parents think more about themselves then they do the children.

As Gary mentioned 50/50 is the way things should be going, if you are not trying to 50/50 I would rethink your situation...unless there is a reason the other parent unfit and therefore shouldn't be awarded 50/50 custody, I would urge you to work towards this because once in front of a Judge, neither party will like the outcome.

However, it is hard to say for sure because of the little details provided.

Best of luck.

[janedoe99]

Well it's a 6 month old baby. Never been out of my care overnight. Father drinks heavily and refuses to go to treatment. He has outbursts infront of my family, his family myself and his daughter. My lawyer is currently requiring he be supervised until our lawyers find a solution. He has 3 visits per week (not overnight). He wants 50/50 and my lawyer is saying this won't happen in my case. I would be willing down the road if he recieves treatment. At what age do you implement the overnights or 50/50 if the child is used to sleeping at primary caregiver's home?

Before the woman haters pick me apart and say "he's the father he deserves 5050"....the truth is that NOT all men are good fathers and not all woman are good mothers. Either way, it is a parents obligation to be their childs voice and stick up for their child's right to be kept safe.

[Berner_Faith]

There have been a few posts here that have talked about the other parents being a drinker... the truth is...unless you can prove that your daughter is in danger when being with him, you may not have a choice to 50/50 custody. What evidence is your lawyer basing "this won't happen in my case" on? The words you are telling him or some facts (police reports, DUIs?)

There is no age at which 50/50 should happen. However at 6 months of course the child can stay at her fathers. I am not a woman hater, and totally agree that just because you are a parent doesn't mean you know how to raise a child...but unless you can prove without a doubt that the father is not capable of taking care of his child then he will most likely be granted 50/50 custody...you just saying he drinks heavily is going to be your word against his.

Did the ex agree to the supervised access? If not you may want to be careful with this, as if you are unilaterally deciding he only gets supervised access based on your word, he may have a good chance of proving that you are not promoting a relationship between him and his daughter based on your assumptions of him.

I agree with you that it is a parents obligation to protect their children but remember he is the father and you should be promoting a relationship between the two of them, just like he should be supporting a relationship between you and your daughter.

Best of luck.

[janedoe99]

He has admitted to a lot in the mediation session. He admitted drinking and driving with the baby in the car, having a drinking and drug problem, admitted to violent acts.

I have 2 witnesses (one considered a professional) unrelated to me...that witnessed him throw the baby's seat and scream f words etc right infront of the baby. They have provided letters.

What do you base your opinion on the courts awarding 50/50 unless you can prove with DUI etc that the father is unsafe? Is it based on your case? On what you know?
I'm just curious because I have a law specialist who has totally different advice from yours. It is a huge firm so I am just curious.

[janedoe99]

P.s/ I do promote a healthy relationship with the father. I would love nothing more than to have some help here, it is really not easy being a single mom. Just have to know she's safe.

[Berner_Faith]

I don't fault you for being a single mom and being worried...but as Gary mentioned things are moving towards 50/50... and the reason I said DUI is because that is factual evidence. Because he wants 50/50 access it will be you who has to prove why he doesn't deserve, and not just your word against his...

Mediation will only be helpful if he agreed that anything spoken about in mediation can be used in court...closed mediation is it called?

Your witnesses will be useful since they provided you with letters

There will be others here who can offer more advice, but like I said, because he wants it, it will be you who has to prove why he shouldn't be entitled to it.

[Gary M]

Before the woman haters pick me apart

(sigh) ... you started so weii with your first post.

Oh well, true colours and all that...

Cheers1

Gary

[billiechic]

I dont think she posted anything that deserved judgement. Maybe he is a drinker? And she did say she would like to move towards 50/50, which I think is a great attitude.

If you have already been through mediation, then I think you have a good chance of working this out at some point and not ending up in trial. Great!

Overnights are definitely a possibility at this point. It seems he is very much interested in being a father, even if he has some issues of his own. A good move would be for him to start with having the baby nap at his place (assuming he has somewhere safe and comfortable for the baby to sleep) and seeing how he handles that. Its all 3 of you who need to get used to the situation and if you can be supportive of him then you have a much better chance of working this out amicably.

As for your original question, the absolute minimum he would get is likely every other weekend and one weeknight visit. But the truth is that 50/50 is the way to go, both for the child and both parents. There is no such thing as "weekend dads" anymore, most dads will fight hard to be recognized as equal, and rightly so. They are just as important as mothers.

If you can put together a parenting plan that steadily increases the amount of time he spends with the baby and the amount of responsibility, moving him to overnights in the next short while (for example 2-6 months), then it is more likely you will get some cooperation and move towards something workable for all of you.

Good Luck!

[beebie]

50/50 access is no where near the norm yet and certainly not in the legislation although I agree it should be after a certain age and depending on the child (and the parent).

But not for very young babies . There is new research out saying 50-50 is not appropriate for young children...they need primary attachment figure. I have the journal cite somewhere if you want it. The constant change of environment can be hard on young children. But liberal access time to decent fathers is a good thing.

Also if it is true that the father is drinking too much and driving, the usual solution is a prohibiton on alcohol or drugs 24 hrs prior to access, and during access with clause in Order to that effect. Even no intoxicants in the household whatsoever is not uncommon.

If the father is causing any danger to child with his drinking and you can prove it , access might have to be supervised. Proof needed. DUIs , affidavits, etc.

[billiechic]

I disagree, It think 50/50 is quite normal, but perhaps not through trial. GThere are lots of reasonable parents out there and we are only exposed to the unlucky ones on this board!

[007]

This is for janedoe99: Why would anybody even question to have a child let alone a baby in the care of somebody who drinks? It's not a matter of proof or that the person is a regular drunk - when you have children in your care YOU DON'T DRINK OR SMOKE - you are responsible for the child/children and how can that be accomplished when you are intoxicated? He can't drive a car but it is ok to have a child in his care/custody? What if something happens how good will his reaction and judgement be? The child gets sick and he has to see a doctor or in the worst case phone an ambulance and he is drunk? What do you think is going to happen to the 50/50 access? I don't care what anybody says, I would not let my child be with somebody who drinks and would fight that with every bone in my body. This is way beyond the "father" having a healthy relationship with his child and is entitled to access. He is an unfit father in my books.

[billiechic]

007, in a perfect world, you would be right. but this is Family Law, and it is far from perfect.

of course she would never let her child go into his care when he is drunk, but there is nothing she can do to ensure he doesn't drink afterwards.

I think you are barking up the wrong tree. the father has a LEGAL RIGHT to spend time with his child. Only the court can take away his right, not the mother, so stop making it out like she is making bad decisions.

[Berner_Faith]

Billiechic is absolutely right...the mother can not deny access because the father may drink when the children are with him. Please don't give wrong advice here, what you would do personally is not what should happen.

This father wants to be part of the child's life...and only a judge can take that away from him. How many parents do you think have a drink or two when they have their children? Does that mean they are unfit because they are drinking or smoking when they have children? I am not a fan of smoking, but as long as a parent is not smoking with the child near by then why shouldn't a parent be able to smoke?

And yes...you do have to prove that he is a danger or regular drinker because if this goes to court it is going to be her word, against his and if there is no paper trail, it won't do her much good bringing it up.

Janedoe... if you can work towards 50/50 custody I think we all know this is what is best. Maybe not right away, but I don't agree that a child of 6 months can't be away from the mother...what would happen if god forbid something happened to you? The father would have to int he picture full time... we never know what the future hold and if there is a strong relationship between both parents, this works best for everyone involved.