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Moving
The last 2 years I have spent thousands of dollars on legal fees, 3 separation agreements and court. My "ex husband" will not sign or agree to anything and we are now waiting for the OCL to interview my children. It is likely this will go to court. I would like to move 55 KM away and close to work. We have a temp court order for shared custody but nothing permanent. I have no family where I live and I work 95km from there. I want to move 50 km closer to work... so thats in between where the kids father is and my job...and close to friends who can help me when I need it as he is unreliable. What is the law....can I up and go...? Do I just tell him I am moving... what is the best approach and would a judge turn this down? I feel so isolated and exhausted living where I live. My lawyer is a rookie and I feel I am spending money and not having accurate advice so not even broaching this subject with him. Any help would be greatly appreciated!
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You have to notify your ex, in writing, of your intention to move and to where. You may move where ever you choose, however your ex may or may not agree to you relocating with the children. If he does agree, you will have to work out some new agreement about transportation, most likely involving you being responsible for any extra transportation for parenting time and schooling (Parent A shouldn't be negatively affected by Parent B's decision to move).
You have a temporary order already, temporary generally leads to permanent. Status quo takes affect over the period of time of the temp order, and judges are unlikely to change status quo without good reason.
Should you move without his consent, there is a possibility that he could file a motion in the courts to have the children returned to their familiar location (ie. his house). If this move affects their schooling in anyway, it is likely that a judge will order that the children stay with the parent who will allow the children to remain in their current school, unless the moving parent can prove that the children would be better off in the new school (like it is a better rated school etc). Your arguments must be about what is in the best interests of the children, and given what you have provided here, I only see arguments revolving around yourself.
The fact that you are currently in a shared custody arrangement works against you. I can't see how you'd get the kids to their current school and then get yourself to work. And you can't expect your ex to transport your kids to a new school far from their residence. -
Notify the ex, just to show you are being polite/etc.
Question: Is the spot you propose to move to, still within the jurisdiction of the court you are currently at? Is it CLOSER, FURTHER AWAY, or NO APPRECIABLE DIFFERENCE in distance between you and the ex now?
The jurisdiction things tends to be the big kicker with ongoing litigation and temp orders. If you are moving OUTSIDE the jurisdiction of the court you are currently through, that tends to make it slightly more difficult to pull off.Comment
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Yes, its shared custody with him providing very little to the children, including doctor appointments, clothing, medical necessities or anything extra other than providing them food and shelter while on his schedule...so yes it revolves around me as being the only parent doing anything for the children. I dont see how a parent who does very little and only does the basics to avoid having to pay child support due to the 60-40 rule of thumb when it comes to access schedule. OCL is involved and I guess I can hope OCL recommendations may help. My son is starting high school next September and my daughter is 8 so I hope they too will have a say in the matter. I find whats most frustrating that him being "sperm donor" in the mix since our separation gives him so many rights....i guess the best way to go is seek sole custody?Comment
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WE both live North of the city and we both work in the city...but yes its outside the court jurisdiction....I guess asking him will be the way to go then..which considering he keeps avoiding to sign a separation agreement will go just as well as that is.Comment
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The son may have a say, being he is going to be ~15 or so. The 8y/o has no say whatsoever and will probably not even be consulted by a judge. The rule of thumb is the child must be 12 before a judge will even consider their wishes, and even then, a judge will have to take into consideration their reasoning/maturity etc.
Unless your ex consents to the kids relocating, you will have to file a motion in court to change the current custody arrangement. There will be 3 points touched on:
1. is there a material change of circumstance? Obviously yes, you want to move the kids outside their current school district.
2. what is status quo?
3. is the change in the children's best interests interests? If so, that will trump item 2.
But without consent, it will take a court order. Should you move without consent or a court order, you could be opening yourself up to a world of problems.Comment
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Seriously? Obviously he was more than a "sperm donor" when you were together or you wouldn't have 2 kids with him. He is their father and deserves to be part of their life, even if you don't like it, which is evident by the comment you made.Originally posted by windiiii View Post
What he does/doesn't do has no effect on the temp order. If you already have the temp order that is stating joint custody, prepare for an uphill battle for sold custody... you are basing this all on what is best for you... even with sold custody, that does not give you the right to up and move whenever you please. You still have to provide him notice and he can still refuse.Comment
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Courts allow CPs to relocate the children all the time. And there are plenty of examples where the NCP absorbed all the access cost. It depends on his/her ability to pay them. Have you told him yet your intent to move 50km away? What has been his response?
As for sole custody, you'll have to prove him an unfit parent, which isn't an easy thing to do.Comment
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I find whats most frustrating that him being "sperm donor" in the mix since our separation gives him so many rights....i guess the best way to go is seek sole custody?[/quote]
I wonder how you would feel if he considered you an "egg donor" or simply an "incubator"? I hope this is just frustration being typed on the no consequences internet....Comment
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Parenting is more than just existing...which is what he is doing. He does not provide them any necessities other than food...and even then the kids have to come to my home to snack as he has none. He makes excellent salary and lives with another woman so they are beyond poverty. Yes, frustration to the little he does for his children make me describe him as a sperm donor. Anyone can have children.....obviously not everyone can parent. And when we were together...he was no different...so yes I can judge....reason why I left to begin with possibly. At the end of the day...family law is quite frustrating and quite rigid....he gets away with doing nothing for his children yet I have to respect HIS rights so the children and I can get support for people who actually care? He could not buy his son contact lenses, covered by his own benefits but could purchase leather jackets for himself and his partner? Yes, frustration....walk a mile in my shoes.Comment
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It isn't about his rights to the kids. It is about the kids rights to have both parents equally involved in their lives.....Sematics? Maybe. Correct perspective? Absolutely.Comment
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You will have to learn (and quite harshly) that your feelings about him are irrelevant. Whether he allows the kids to snack is up to him. Maybe he is trying to provide a healthy balanced diet? Who knows? But posting such angry and purely personal reasons will not help you to get the answers you want.
What are the reasons for shared custody?
Is it joint custody? Or are you referring to a 60/40 split of parenting time?
Is there an offset CS being paid? Is it being paid regualrly?
If he is consistently meeting his parenting requirements, not missing visits etc, you will have a hard time arguing for a move that is purely in your interests. You can't make it more difficult for him to exercise his time, or to get the kids to school. Your son will have a say, but are you sure he will be wanting to move to a new school where he will have no friends? Even if he is, there is a good chance that the court will want your daughter to stay put, and that means his wishes are less important than keeping the siblings together.
You have to consider every side and every consequence before even asking about such a move. Once you do your ex has every right to say no, and to seek a motion to stop you from moving the kids. Tread carefullly, your feelings should be the least of your concerns now.Comment
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