Ex moved with kids

[Clean]

I have 2 kids. One is 7 months old and the other 2-1/2 yrs.

My ex moved out in february and took the first child and the second was born after that. She moved further away from both our places of work... The house was then sold and i purchased a home close to our places of work because she offered the information (in front of lawyers), that she was planning on moving close.

In mid November, i received a letter saying she's planning on moving. I asked my lawyer to do whatever it takes to prevent her. He did nothing. Then in December, i rec'd a letter saying she had bought a house... 88km from her work. 70k from me... It's her home town - very small and remote.

Access is now difficult and costs me an additional $250/month in gas alone. Nothing is open from friday to sunday for me to visit my 7 month old, as she says he feeds every 2 hrs (which is bs), so i can't take him home with my other son. So, i only see the 7 month old at the library for 2 hours on my weekday visit.

She also has only limited me to talking to my kids on the phone on wednesdays. My 2-1/2 yr old is very vocal and loves the phone... but i digress.

The town has 1 school. No french immersion. No activities for the children, save the library and an arena. Closest town is 1/2 an hour away.

We have a case conference coming up. I didn't know about a non-removal order (and my lawyer did nothing), until it was too late. Is there anything i can do to get her to move back?

[Coop]

I don't know much about what you can do but I can tell you this.....I have a 7 month old and she doesn't eat every 2 hours. What every your son eats, you can feed him. If she's nursing she can pump. At this point, he is probably eating solids (cereal and pureed fruits or veggies). Don't let her take advantage of you.

[pokeman]

my kids are older 'clean' but similar storey - similar distance - her moving news made it to the judge who just shrugged her 70 yr old shoulders and said 'it isnt that far' ...

oh, and since my lawyer bent over backwards for my X my lawyer said 'she wont get away with that .... ' but she did get away with it

sorry man , thats my experience here in Calgary

[Clean]

i have asked her to pump. She does for her mom all the time, so that she can take care of her. But for the father of the child.... not so lucky.

It's not the distance that's the main problem. I don't want my kids growing up in this small town. I worked there for 3 years and i know it's a generalization, but every single person i worked with and all of my ex's friends were either a) an alcoholic or b) a drug addict. Not much else to do in this town... Plus there's the activities and the schools that are lacking.

Hopefully i don't get a 70 yr old judge who just sits idly by. Sounds like that's the norm though.

[Clean]

So, my ex moved without my consent. Only positive to the move for the children is free babysitting by their maternal grandmother, which i realize is a huge positive. However, it's increased the time away from both of their parents (she works near my home), decreased my ability for meaningful access, decreased the opportunities available to my children and moved them further away from their entire family, save their grandmother.

Is there any case where a custodial parent was forced to move back? I've been trying to search, but have come up empty handed.

[HammerDad]

If you did not advise her, in writing, that you don't agree with her move, and she moved some time after that (like 1-2 months) your silence (or lack of dissent) could be deemed consent.

You should have sent a letter right away advising her that you don't consent to relocating the children and feel it is not in their best interests. From there you get her response. She will either say she is moving anyway, or agree to stay. If she says she is going to move anyway, you're supposed to file a motion in court (it could be ex parte - meaning she isn't needed to attend) preventing her from moving.

Now you have to move fast. She has moved. You need to file a motion in court requesting the children be returned to their familiar location. If you wait, they will establish residency where they are. Get on your lawyer. If you don't like your current lawyer, get a new one. But you have to move fast.

[Clean]

she moved 3 weeks after notifying me of her intention of moving. I don't remember if i sent her an e-mail, but i know for sure my lawyer didn't send anything.

A new lawyer? I'm on my 3rd already... haha. I'm at the point now that i've been so dissapointed with lawyers, i may chose to go the fathers-resources rout and represent myself. And at the point where i'm almost broke.

[HammerDad]

3 weeks isn't very reasonable notice. But still, if you never said you don't agree, she can deem your silence as consent.

Now you must move fast. They have been there 2 months already. Have you notified them yet that you don't agree with the move? Or, that you will agree to the move so long as she is responsible for all costs, transportation etc caused by her move? If you have lost time with the kids (like can't do a mid week time anymore), have you requested to be compensated for such time either by extending weekends or all march breaks or extended vacation time in the summer.

Right now, given what you've done (or more accurately, what you haven't done) you will have a really hard time causing her to move back. But you have a good chance of accomplishing is causing her to be responsible for the extra transportation (so time and gas on her part) and if you've lost time, you request alternative time (like as described above) as you shouldn't be adversely affected by her decision to move.

On a side note, when it comes to transportation, always do the pickups for your parenting time. Why? Answer is simply, do you want to be subject to her moods, illnesses etc. when it comes to seeing your kids? You are at her mercy then.

If you can't cause her to move back, then go for:

1. more time with the kids at different periods (ask for 1/2 of summer or something).

2. each parent be responsible for picking up the kids at the begining of their parenting time; and

3. if this is going to cost you more in gas etc., and you don't have the means to reasonably cover it, that c/s be reduced proportionately to balance out the extra costs associated with you exercising your parenting time.

But if you want them back here, you should've been in court last month. Your chances of success with this now, are diminishing every day.

[Clean]

They've only been there a month. She moved Dec 12th. I've since notified that i did not consent to this move, that other than "free" babysitting from her mom, there are no other benefits to my children and a whole list of drawbacks (nothing for them to do, no french immersion, etc..).

Until 2 weeks before her move, we shared driving. I would pick up at the beginning of my access and she would pickup at the end of the access. Her lawyer had since sent a letter saying she is not doing that and the status quo has always been i've done all the driving. I have an affidavit from my dad stating he has been present on almost all of the occasions she's picked them up.

Now with the move, i've been forced to do almost all of the driving. Only on my weekday access, has she agreed to meet me half way. It's an hour drive one way.

My lawyer has requested my child support be reduced by $300 to pay for driving expenses. No additional time in lieu of driving time. This was only in my response though.

I'm being forced to excercise access in her small town, so i can visit my second son for 2 hours, she refuses to provide me with breastmilk. The access is only possible on weekdays because there's nothing open on weekends (library closes at 5 on friday) and there's nothing else in town. I can't afford to take the kids out for dinner either.

I can't move there, as i moved in september to kitchener, as she offered the information in our last 4 way meeting in july that she is going to move to KW. With realtor fee's, i won't have enough for a downpayment on a home. As well, we both work in KW. If i move to her, i'll be incurring over $500 in gas/month just to get to work (which she has subjected herself to).

She refuses more time with the kids. She has actually reduced my access at times and refused access once when i refused to agree to the reduced access.

I've been bullied and controlled this whole time because my kids are so young and she's using breastfeeding as a means to control my second child. I'm only allowed to talk to my oldest on the phone on wednesdays... He's really suffereing from separation anxiety. He cries for 20 minutes when i tell him we have to go back or when i put him to bed because he doesn't think he's going to see me for a long time.

My lawyer says he's "afraid" to file an urgent motion because other things might happen. He doesn't go on to explain further...

I should say, that she's claimed domestic violence. No, i have never hit her and i don't have a criminal record. I think this is my lawyers biggest fear, as well, it's mine... If it were an issue though, wouldn't the fact that she's allowed overnight access since we've separated and my first son was 1-1/2yrs old prove that it isn't an issue?!

[HammerDad]

Tell your lawyer to either explain their concerns so you can make a decision on how to proceed or do as he's told. He is your advocate, you pay his bills. Either he gives you an informed opinion, or he does as he's told.

Unless you have charges against you for DV, they have nothing.

As for the driving, I would reply to the ex's lawyer (via my lawyer) that, according to your records, your ex was always responsible for picking up the children at the beginning of her parenting time. Further, that you shouldn't be adversely affected by her unilateral decision to relocate the decision away from their familiar area. Given the previous two points, you will pick up the children at the beginning of your parenting time and expect her to pick up the children for her parenting time.

And with nursing, there are arguments for it. Do a search on Canlii as I think there are cases that argue that breastfeeding in itself isn't reason enough to limit parenting time.

[blinkandimgone]

I'm being forced to excercise access in her small town, so i can visit my second son for 2 hours, she refuses to provide me with breastmilk. The access is only possible on weekdays because there's nothing open on weekends (library closes at 5 on friday) and there's nothing else in town. I can't afford to take the kids out for dinner either.

So buy some bottles and formula. It's totally unreasonable that you're unable to feed your child during your time simply because she doesn't want to provide breastmilk. Perhaps then she'll take you seriously. After the kid is off the boob she'll have no control over what you feed him so it's a short term issue, easily solved by either of you: either she provides breastmilk or you provide formula.

[Clean]

her lawyer sent a letter saying it's completely unreasonable to feed a breastfed baby formula... blah blah blah. Then went on to say that i'm not acting in the child's best interest because i want to feed it formula. They have never responded to my request for breat milk. She provides her mother with breast milk all the time, but not me...

Power and control...

I called the doctor to have her write a letter saying that formula will not affect the child at all and she refused.

[blinkandimgone]

So go ahead and feed the kid. It's in the kid's best interest to be fed and if she won't do it, you can - doctor's letter or not.

[Clean]

because we haven't been to court, we don't have a custody agreement as of yet. She makes me sign a form "without prejudice" stating that i'll return him in 2 hours before she'll let me take him.

[HammerDad]

I hope you keep a copy of these, if not a simple picture to show how she is acting. - read, unreasonable.

Edit - Also, you understand that you are allowing her to establish status quo right now don't you? Tell your lawyer to shit or get off the pot.

File a motion for custody and to have the kids returned to their familiar location. You and your lawyer are setting you up to get screwed over real good, because it sounds like she has a good aggressive lawyer.