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  • first post - PLEASE help

    Hi all,

    I’m currently separated. My ex walked out three months ago with my 3-year old daughter and is currently living with her Mother. She is pushing me to sell the house and had arranged for a realtor to see the house for an evaluation. The realtor evaluated the house at a fair market value. However, the ex wants to sell $30K below the evaluated price, while keeping in mind that it was her that wanted to use this particular realtor. The realtor is suggesting that we list at his evaluated price and allow for 12 qualified buyers to see the house. If the house doesn’t sell, he would reduce the price by $20K and try again.

    My ex’s reasoning is that she is not comfortable living with her mother, which I fully understand; however, I feel that we need to give the evaluated market value a chance. Another issue I have is that although the realtor is very knowledgeable, I would only seek his services if I were buying in the area where he sells. There are absolutely no benefits in using him to sell a house in the same area given that MLS will bring in the buyers. Instead of paying him 6%, I can obtain the services of my ex realtor at 3% (who sold my first home within two weeks at 3% percent). Unfortunately, my wife is not agreeing to use my realtor and has not given me a rational answer as to why she wants to pay an avoidable 3%.

    All in all, I’m trying to be rational as this is the worst time to waste money that belongs to our daughter at the end of the day.

    What do you all think I should do about the house and the realtor? What are my legal obligations?

    Thank you and I look forward to your help.

  • #2
    first off get your own independant appraisal. Neither one can sell or have the house listed unless you both sign the papers to do so. (i had this problem before with an ex)

    Maybe im just being cynical but i am thinking she wants to use her guy and sell the house for 30 grand under asking is because she wants the house and is trying to get it at a cheaper cost then she would if the house was appriased fairly and she had to buy you out. He may be in on her plan and is trying to help her get what she wants.

    Comment


    • #3
      Get a second appraisal from an independent realtor, one that neither of you have any history with. Generally people are more likely to accept this. You might have to pay more in fees, but such is the cost of getting the other person to agree.

      Fighting over which realtor to use is really petty. On the other hand at least you both seem to be on the same page about wanting to sell the home. We're here to tell you that getting a fair price is not that important compared with the legal costs of fighting over it too much.

      As Standing pointed out, devalueing the house may also be part of a larger scheme and isn't recommended. When I separated we listed the house at 299k. We got an offer for $289k. For me this was too low, I wanted to compromise at 294k. However the ex would not budge and wanted to accept the low offer. It didn't really matter to her what she got, since she was also getting thousands more from me every month in spousal, had already stolen all our savings and investments and the car.

      As she was already using her family's influence to illegally foreclose on me (I paid the mortgage, they took the money and gave it to my ex instead and then said I hadn't paid, bank statements to prove it) I decided to give up that fight.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Adam_613 View Post
        Hi all,

        I’m currently separated. My ex walked out three months ago with my 3-year old daughter and is currently living with her Mother. She is pushing me to sell the house and had arranged for a realtor to see the house for an evaluation. The realtor evaluated the house at a fair market value. However, the ex wants to sell $30K below the evaluated price, while keeping in mind that it was her that wanted to use this particular realtor. The realtor is suggesting that we list at his evaluated price and allow for 12 qualified buyers to see the house. If the house doesn’t sell, he would reduce the price by $20K and try again.

        My ex’s reasoning is that she is not comfortable living with her mother, which I fully understand; however, I feel that we need to give the evaluated market value a chance. Another issue I have is that although the realtor is very knowledgeable, I would only seek his services if I were buying in the area where he sells. There are absolutely no benefits in using him to sell a house in the same area given that MLS will bring in the buyers. Instead of paying him 6%, I can obtain the services of my ex realtor at 3% (who sold my first home within two weeks at 3% percent). Unfortunately, my wife is not agreeing to use my realtor and has not given me a rational answer as to why she wants to pay an avoidable 3%.

        All in all, I’m trying to be rational as this is the worst time to waste money that belongs to our daughter at the end of the day.

        What do you all think I should do about the house and the realtor? What are my legal obligations?

        Thank you and I look forward to your help.
        The other parent has removed the child and you are worried about selling the house?

        Priorities:

        1. Custody and Access of the child.
        2. Child support.
        3. Rest of the financial issues...

        One key point to make. Often when a spouse is pushing to sell the house and there are no agreements in place is to fund litigation.

        Good Luck!
        Tayken

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by winterwolf7 View Post
          Get a second appraisal from an independent realtor, one that neither of you have any history with. Generally people are more likely to accept this. You might have to pay more in fees, but such is the cost of getting the other person to agree.

          Fighting over which realtor to use is really petty. On the other hand at least you both seem to be on the same page about wanting to sell the home. We're here to tell you that getting a fair price is not that important compared with the legal costs of fighting over it too much.

          As Standing pointed out, devalueing the house may also be part of a larger scheme and isn't recommended. When I separated we listed the house at 299k. We got an offer for $289k. For me this was too low, I wanted to compromise at 294k. However the ex would not budge and wanted to accept the low offer. It didn't really matter to her what she got, since she was also getting thousands more from me every month in spousal, had already stolen all our savings and investments and the car.

          As she was already using her family's influence to illegally foreclose on me (I paid the mortgage, they took the money and gave it to my ex instead and then said I hadn't paid, bank statements to prove it) I decided to give up that fight.
          I agree that fighting over a realtor is petty, but given the value of the house, the 3% difference could mean putting a child through university in the savings we could harvest in choosing the right realtor.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Tayken View Post
            The other parent has removed the child and you are worried about selling the house?

            Priorities:

            1. Custody and Access of the child.
            2. Child support.
            3. Rest of the financial issues...

            One key point to make. Often when a spouse is pushing to sell the house and there are no agreements in place is to fund litigation.

            Good Luck!
            Tayken
            Or...perhaps they've already done that....

            Comment


            • #7
              a realtor that is selling the listings in your area - ie the top three sellers - one of those would be a good argument to use. the bank offers the professional evaluation service (for a small fee) that will set the right price for the home - can't agree - get two and split the difference? If in the end it is a fight over agent fees and the other spouse who insists on the higher fee agent - could they not cover this difference?

              Tayken is right though - first thing i got out of your post is the child was removed (can I say nit within the spirit of the family law act?) and should never have been removed from the matramonial home without the "court order" allowing a spouse to do so. Many people live in the same house under seperation untill all those tech details are sorted out - the house could actually be one of the last things sold. There is nothing stopping you from getting your seperation agreement ironed out and selling the house before the divorce goes through.

              She left - is there not a process to have your daughter returned to the matramonial home?????

              She left - perhaps she will be more willing to actually get this settled without to much fighting, money, and time - just negotiate a fair mediated deal, both get it reviewed by their lawyer....... The usual.

              Tayken is right in the order of importance and your daughter is number 1. Getting your legally inforceable right to shared custody/equal parenting so your daughter gets both her mom and her dad as she grows up is well #1 !!!

              Sorry Tayken - I agree with you again! Sell the home pays for a lot of legal expensive to both you wrangling that just screams out high conflict and the lawyers end up with your assets and your daughter's parenting solution is not even closer to agreement than you had at day 1...

              She has lived with her mom for decades - if they chose, they can do this for just a little bit longer!!! Do what is right for you. Get to the lawyer to get your rights to your child worked out at least for the time which was from three months ago to when you have your final divorce agreement - PERIOD.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Tayken View Post
                The other parent has removed the child and you are worried about selling the house?

                Priorities:

                1. Custody and Access of the child.
                2. Child support.
                3. Rest of the financial issues...

                One key point to make. Often when a spouse is pushing to sell the house and there are no agreements in place is to fund litigation.

                Good Luck!
                Tayken
                1, 2 and 3 taken care of (for now).

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
                  Or...perhaps they've already done that....
                  Don't disagree with your statement. Just that usually comments of "parent X moved out of the house with child Y" leads to a nightmare.

                  I can only hope they have settled the most important issue. Custody and Access.

                  Good Luck!
                  Tayken

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Adam_613 View Post
                    1, 2 and 3 taken care of (for now).
                    Glad to hear that. The rest of the financial stuff (equalization) shouldn't be a problem really. But, a lot of people fight over money.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      believe me when i say it's not about the money...I feel like I'm being bullied and it has to stop. Have a look at my other post titled "paid her student loan and got stuck with mine" to get an understanding of what I mean.

                      I think my daughter is best served living with her mother. My ex is an amazing mother and I believe that I am a VERY good father. However, at age three, my little angel is better off with her mother....

                      Back to the subject, to conclude, she can't force me to sell the house or use her realtor?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Adam_613 View Post
                        believe me when i say it's not about the money...I feel like I'm being bullied and it has to stop. Have a look at my other post titled "paid her student loan and got stuck with mine" to get an understanding of what I mean.

                        I think my daughter is best served living with her mother. My ex is an amazing mother and I believe that I am a VERY good father. However, at age three, my little angel is better off with her mother....

                        Back to the subject, to conclude, she can't force me to sell the house or use her realtor?
                        As long as the house is in BOTH of your names, any decision to do with the house must be agreed upon by BOTH of you.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          just to put this question out there.

                          1,2,3 taken care of but the house is not sold so there remains a chance of one spouse backing out and you have to start all over?

                          Like it is not done untill it is all done and signed so you must assume that there is the possibility that the other spouse will not honour the agreements made up to that point???

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by ddol1 View Post
                            just to put this question out there.

                            1,2,3 taken care of but the house is not sold so there remains a chance of one spouse backing out and you have to start all over?

                            Like it is not done untill it is all done and signed so you must assume that there is the possibility that the other spouse will not honour the agreements made up to that point???
                            Each step can (and usually) is agreed upon and settled. You don't have to settle EVERYTHING at once. Shotgun settlements like that are impossible to get through.

                            So if the OP has a signed agreement for each of the steps... It is done. It is better to narrow the issues, focus on one thing at a time rather than try to shotgun it all.

                            Good Luck!
                            Tayken

                            Comment

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