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Smile forthe day

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  • Smile forthe day


    1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of
    me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either.
    Just pretty much leave me alone.
    2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and
    a leaky tire.
    4. There is no number 4.
    3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your
    neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
    5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be
    promoted.
    6. No one is listening until you pass wind.
    7. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else .
    8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
    9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple
    of car payments .
    10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their
    shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you
    have their shoes.
    11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
    12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to
    fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
    13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was
    probably worth it.
    14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
    15. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
    16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
    17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes
    from bad judgment.
    18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and
    put it back in your pocket.
    19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
    20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark
    side, and it holds the universe together.
    21. There are two theories to arguing with someone. Neither one works.
    22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are
    moving.
    23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need
    it.
    24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
    25. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our butt.
    Then things get worse.
    26. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a
    laxative on the same night.
    27. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
    28. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too
    seriously.
    29. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people
    to make a big deal about your birthday...around age 11.
    30. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

  • #2
    Here's another one

    During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.

    At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.

    The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?"

    "I did," said the centipede.

    "Who stopped the rhino?"

    "Uh, that was me too," said the centipede.

    "And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?"

    "Well, that was me as well," said the centipede.

    "So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach.

    "Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."

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    • #3
      haha the mighty centipede!

      Thanks for transcribing that for us

      Comment


      • #4
        I always love that poem. But number thirty is the eye opening truth about people. They are great and hero's till you meet them and have a day with them. Boy some things can crash and burn

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        • #5
          Weird - the other day I read those pessimistic thoughts on a poster. Just curious, did a well known Scientist come up with those thoughts?

          Either way, very cute and somewhat true.

          Comment

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