Holiday Hell

[FEDUP10]

Hi, I'm hoping some of you can give me some input. My soon to be ex husband and I are still working out the separation agreement and we've already agreed that joint shared custody would be best for all of us. But now we have to decide on how we are going to work out the holidays, birthdays and such. Every suggestion I've made he has not liked and now I'm at a loss. I was wondering what kind of arrangements others have made that seem to be working out for them. I would really appreciate any suggestions as we are under a strict time limit and we need to come to a decision.

[logicalvelocity]

Fedup10,

Since you mentioned shared - Flexibilty is the key and is a two way street.

In my situation this is what we do - we live close to one another

split week - 4 days and 3 days and vice versa the following week.

Holidays

christmas eve with one parent and christmas morning to approximately 2 p.m. the following year reversed.

Thanksgiving - whole weekend with one the following year reversed

Easter - whole weekend with one, the following year revesed

Mother's day and Father's day - with repsective parent or in the alternative the whole weekend

March Break - if no travel plans are made for trips etc, the week is treated as normal and split up

Summer holidays - normal schedule. If either parent wants to take our child away - no problems. I took my son to Nova Scotia for 3 consecutive weeks. I ensured that he called his mom regularly and she also had my cell phone number.

Additionally, I take my son camping quite a bit on the weekends- My ex fully supports this. Additionally she takes him to destinations at last minute to visit relatives and I fully support this. People drop in unannounced all the time and to accomodate this schedules have to be changed at last minute. This is flexibilty at its best and it does work. Give and Take.

Been apart now sine Jan 00. 6 years and not tribulations. Our child is very happy with the arrangement and has both parents actively involved in his life.
There is no animosity whatsoever. Everything has been settled amicably.

Both parents attend school functions either together or independantly depending on schedule. Both keep the other informed of events, home work medical appointments. Things such as allowances we are in agreement. We didn't want our child to get double allowances. I give allowance one week, his mother the next. we consult each other in regards to christmas gifts. we don't want double purchases of the same item.

We do have mutual respect for one another and this co-operation will and has benefited our child. He never got caught in any crossfire as we saw early on what this could do to our child and his emotional well beings. He has thrived with this environment. we both have put him first and foremost.

We do communicate often in regards to my son. From the words of my ex, she wouldn't have it any other way and I have to agree.

Our child will grow up to be an adult someday and can reflect upon his life and say that he has no regrets and that he has 2 parents not 1 that dearly love him and are there for him

[god knows the truth]

WOW!!!i just had an enlightment moment----logicalvelocity, you're a GUY!!!!!!All these weeks i thought you were a women.
I even pictured you with blond hair and about 40ish(you know how you mentally picture someone you've only 'spoken' to?)
I even thought that you would be a very level-headed mom, considering your posts are so insightful).
See..... on this forum you learn ALOT more than legal info. you learn how to wear the pants AND the skirt.

[ladyluck]

I thought LV was a woman too.. hmm must be all those wise words of advice that made us all think that!

So there are some smart men out there after all

[Decent Dad]

If you are on week on/week off you can easily let most holidays stay with the person whose week it is. I would also suggest starting your week on Friday at 4:30pm (or after school/daycare). So if is Victoria Day, that person whose week started at 4:30pm Friday would have the children for Victoria Day. The same goes for Labour Day, Civic Monday and Thanksgiving. Eventually you will all have them at some time for each holiday. You could split Easter down the middle (since it is a four day weekend) and transition at 8:00pm Saturday night.

Christmas can get tricky since the holiday for Christmas is two weeks, but depends on when your children end school. Normally you just divide it in half and exchange at noon, 1pm or 2pm on Christmas day. But it can be hard when the holiday does not fall in the middle of the two weeks. For example, this year the holiday was on Sunday at the beginning. So you can break into chunks. But shaer the 2 weeks (actually 16 days) equally.

I would let the kids birthdays stay with the parent who has them. For your (and your ex's birthday), again you may not need a special rule. Or you can let the other parent have them for 3 hours (say 5-8pm).

Alternate March break. Odd years you have them. Even years he has them. Or you could split it half and exchange on Wed at noon.

Divide the summer into 4 weeks each. You could each take 4 one week blocks, 2 two-week blocks or each take a month. Odd numbered years you get to pick the weeks. Even numbered years, he can pick the weeks. Usually you have to pick you weeks by a deadline (say May 1st) to allow for planning, etc.

Mothers Day and Fathers Day. Again if it falls on your weekend no problem. If not. Saturdat 6:00pm until 6pm the next day. That way the kids wake up in the morning with the parent (e.g. breakfast in bed).

With 50-50 you do not need to get overly complicated. And good on you both for the joint access and custody. Good luck.