Looking For Advise To Save My Marriage!

[Chopper]

Has anyone read these "Save you Marriage" Ebooks?

Has anyone know of the best one out thier?

My wife just recently told my that she is leaving me on Dec 1st. We have too small boys and I love her very much. I believe alot of the problems we have experienced in our 11 year relationship have been my fault. I've alway had a problem communicating at times and especially times there is alot of stress. When every we argue I always seem to get on the defensive and never really actually listen to her heart. We been close to this stage in our relationship before but never to the point she was leaving me and taking the kids.

I truely believes she loves me and wants the best. It just she unhappy about the cycle or relationship alway seems to take.

Does any body out there think that in times of seperation that one can rebuild his outlook and work hard from one behalf to learn the proper methods of communication. I've never persued this type of help....actually I've never persued any type of help. The way it looks right now I would be the only one working at this. She is a very beautiful person and I would really like to spend the rest of my life with her....but now its come to this and god I hurt so bad. Does anyone out there think there is a chance even if she feels it beyond the point of staying and getting counceling? Anyones advise and experience would be greatly appreciated.

Am I really to late?

Can I change her mind?

[logicalvelocity]

Chopper,

If you love her, and she still loves you then yes defintely there is hope to save your marriage. Counselling is a great idea for both you and her and is worthwhile to save your relationship and marriage. Have you suggested this to your wife?

It will take a strong committed effort by you and your wife to be successful in saving your realtionship.

A lot of employers have EAP plans available to employees and this counselling service would be free if available.

[Chopper]

Do you know anything about the books like "stop your divorce"?

She is still leaving and very reluctant to go to councelling.

I've seen a number of these ebooks and they all say they are for use if only one member wants to keep the relationship together.

She seems like she is looking forward to moving out and I have a gut feeling alot of this emotion from her has been generated from her friends and family.

I have been doing some reading on divorce and I certainly feel she doesn't totally understand how a divorce greatly affects in my case four peoples lifes.

Alot of what I read is that most people move on in hopes to find a better life and things will just get better when they leave or separate but in time learn that it usually makes their situation worse. I also read alot about the long term damage and situations and alot of people experience because at the time of wanting to separate they are never clear that this decision will live with them for the rest of there life....they will never really be rid of the other person as long as both parents want to be with the children.

These stop your divorce books appear to be intrigueing for the very fact only one person in the relationship can work on it even thought the other has left.......I honestly think my wife hasn't thought it out.....she says she has been trying to make this decision for a long time but all the while I feel its toxic advise from close friends maybe family. I can understand they are trying to support her but again I don't think they really know the whole situation.....just negative comments out of spite for something I said to hurt them....god I wish I wasn't in this situation.

[abigail]

Stop divorce

I would suggest some frank, honest evaluations of yourself and her. Why does she want a divorce? Maybe after you understand more, you will want to get a divorce from her.

[hubby]

Suggested readings

I have found these materials to be very helpful for me to understand what has happened.


Keep your Marriage at www.keepyourmarriage.com - excellent PDF. Explains what is going on, the emotional aspects and things you can do.

Love Busters book from Amazon. Excellent book explaining why relationships fail and what to do. Interestingly wife is reluctant to go to counselling and she has began to read the book, I pray that it will do some good for us.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage work by John Gottman at Amazon. Another EXCELLENT book explaining the breakdown.

The above two books alone can help you to save your marriage or at least prepare you to enjoy the next relationshiop without consciously making the same mistakes that would lead to it's eventual breakdown.

Marriage Fitness at Amazon I believe. Not bad, but really good for couples that are strugging and willing to try. They have a lone ranger track whereby one spouse can do the work on their own ... some pretty good stuff.

I know this can help you, if not now, definately in your life going forward.

Hubby

[Julie]

I find it strange that she said she is "leaving on Dec 1st"
Most people do not set a date to leave.. I find it strange, does anyone else?
Maybe it's just me

[Grace]

Maybe she rented/purchased a new place for the first of the month and she has been planning this for some time. I'd rather be warned then come home to an empty house.

[Chopper]

Hurt

She told me it was because she rented a place for Dec 1st.

Its now Dec 5th and I feel like hell.

This is the worst feeling in the world. My wife has no idea how bad I hurt. She probably never will.

I hope she finds some one that will love her as much as I do.......I still love her and my two boys and I only want the best for them......

I need desperately to remain a part of my kids life at the very least.....I hope in time that will never be taken from me as well.

[Grace]

I know it's hard to imagine right now, but time does help heal a broken heart.

Stay strong for the children's sake.

[lpstong]

Feeling hurt is normal process of seperation. It will take time for it to heal. You will be able to see your children. Always work in the realm of the law. And maybe find a support group to help walk you through this issue. I feel for you and understand your feelings. I would be upset if my spouse was not honest with me. I hope things will work out for you.

[Hanging On]

I have read several e-books including "break free from the affair" and another series at "relationshipgold.com" (excellent). The "relationship rescue" book from Dr.Phil is also very good. They have provided a sense of understanding and inspiration. From a woman's point of view, I think that any guy who actually showed interest and starting reading this stuff would be amazing! So, Chopper, this may be what you need to do to show your wife you're serious!

[DJ_QUALLS]

Did she want to work on the marriage or taking the easy way out by divorce ? If there is troulbe in your marraige , you seek help not take the easy way out and run.If she loves you like you say, she'd want counseling to make it work. What steps has she taken if any. Marriage is a two way street and no one is perfect. Everyone has flaws including her. You admiited your flaws, but you left out hers and i'm sure she has some. Dont blame your self and say its your fault . I read your story and i dont know the whoe scenarion , but i'm going by what you wrote and if thats the case, let her walk . Dont get me wrong, i'm for people who want to make things work. If one does and the other doesnt , let them go. Its been 11 yrs , it may be a case of to little to late. Counseling should have been done a LONG time ago, if so , it may not have came to this.You shouldnt have to beat someone over the head or impress them so they'll stay. She wants to go, let her go .Just see your kids and move on, life is short.

[Hanging On]

I have been employing some of the strategies in these books and one of them is just that --- let them go. Stay neutral in your discussions. Keep it light. Don't get angry, cry or lay guilt trips. And go about your life. My husband has done so much to hurt me that I'm not sure I want him back but get this....He came home from a trip the other day, exhausted, complaining about how much he had to do for everyone over there with his "friends", how much was expected of him....and then grabbed me, hugged me, kissed me and told me he missed me. I was shocked and I froze. This does not mean we are "together" or anything but I find it interesting that the minute I kind of become neutral and go about my business, he sees me as the stress relief!!

[Chopper]

I 've heard this before.
For the exception of a small argument on Saturday I have been trying so hard to be amicable.
The argument generated after my oldest boy was upset with me because I wouldn't take him bowling.
We had plans to go bowling but I also had to go pick up the boys a bedroom set so I had to go and get a friends truck to move this stuff and also carry the Chrismas tree.
Not enough hours in a day we kinda ran out of time.
I took them out for lunch cause they were hungry.
Then had to race home to pick their mother up so we go as a family to get a Christmas tree.
Earlier the boys agreed to go the next day but coming back from getting the Christmas tree my oldest changed his mind.
He wanted to go now and pulled a bit of a snit.
He no longer wanted to come home with me....he wanted to stay with mommy.
Then he continued to say he didn't want to say at the apartment where my wife move to.
He said it was boring and nothing to do.
To say the least I think he was a little frusterated.
Then I got upset...I asked my we why she had to do this.
I told her that she couldn't honestly tell me she gave it an honest chance.
Then she began to blame me for why we were hear.
It went downhill from their.
The discussion got a bit heated and tried to explain to her but as usual she was right and I am wrong.
It so frusterating.....
Hanging on.....your so right.
I think she is trying to reassure herself.
Maybe someday I will come to the point that I don't want her back.
I'm sure that would feel a hell of alot better then the way I've been feeling.
The pain is terrible.....not having her here.
Its even worse not having the little guys around.
They haven't even called to say goodnight.....I was hoping they would.
Every night.

[Palden]

Stop Your Divorce