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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #1  
Old 05-12-2006, 12:20 PM
Toddler Mommy Toddler Mommy is offline
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Default Desperate and Needing Help

Hi There! I am writing b/c I don't know where else to go. I am miserable and I don't know what to do. I go to bed in tears everynight b/c of my misery. I don't know how I have fallen into this situation. My husband is an alcoholic who is 42 and trying to start his own business. He is gone 15 hours a day 6 days a week and works on the 7th also. My son is 3 1/2 almost. He is now starting to be mean to me all the time. I cannot stand it. I am alone with no where to go. The only option I feel I have is to divorce and move away, however, I don't know how and I don't know where to go. I have been told that if I take my son and leave it is considered abandonment and I will be in trouble. My husband will NEVER leave because he loves his family so much. But I can't do it all myself. Everything in our household is run by me and I cannot take it anymore. Anyone out there have any idea what I can do? I don't really want to divorce him, but the only reason I don't want to is for my son. I know that my life and my sons' life would be so much better without the father. I am also terribly concerned about what will happen to his father without us b/c he has no money, no place to live, etc. and I feel responsible for his wellbeing. HELP please.
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Old 05-12-2006, 12:56 PM
Divorcemanagement Divorcemanagement is offline
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Hi Toddler Mommy:

I am very sorry to hear of the many problems you are experiencing. It does sound like you are at the end of your tether. Having read your post, I am wondering, do you feel there is any chance of reconciliation? If there isn't then you will want to seek independent legal advice so that you can be aware of your rights and obligations under the law.

His alcoholism is problematic and as such you have every right to ensure that his alcoholism doesn't impact the way in which you approach an impending divorce or more importantly, how you are feeling about you as a person and a mother.

Considering a divorce is a tough thing to do - there are no easy answers. A good strategy would be to write down what you want in the way of goals and outcomes for a divorce and when you consult with a lawyer, ask the lawyer what the chances are for an outcome that matches what you have written down. Another good thing to do is draft a summary of events so that a prospective lawyer has background on your situation and the reasons why the divorce is happening.

Finally, be prepared for a lot of work. Divorce is a life changing experience that pushes people to the limit of their patience, values and belief system about the other person.

Keep coming back to this forum - excellent insights and opinions here
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Old 05-12-2006, 07:24 PM
logicalvelocity logicalvelocity is offline
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Toddler Mommy,

If reconciliation is not in the equation ie: with the help of perhaps some counseling, You have no other choice to end the relationship.

It is apparent most likely your husband would not leave the home. I am not sure if your being abused or not. If you are being abused then seek help right away. Just about every city has emergency shelters that could assist you and also point you in the direction for emergency financial assistance and also to take steps either legally ie: perhaps you could request exclusive possession of the home or pursue support for your child and yourself.

LV
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Old 05-13-2006, 12:03 AM
sunday sunday is offline
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Dear toddler mommy, you have taken the first step on your road to recovery by asking for advice. Divorce is so very very painful...living with an alcoholic is so very, very painful.
Before you make a decision regarding your marriage I strongly suggest you attend Alanon meetings. This is a support group for anyone who must deal with alcohlism.
God be with you!
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