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Old 06-30-2011, 10:37 PM
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AngieJ AngieJ is offline
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Post Matrimonial Home is on the market

Hey everyone,

Just an update....

Taking baby steps and one day at a time. The matimonial home is officially on the market as of yesterday! We had our fist showing tonight and another one booked for Sunday.

I am keeping my fingers and other parts crossed that this process goes quickly and smoothly.

On another note, now that the kids are finished school, we (STBX and I) have decided that this weekend we will tell the kids about the separation. Again, kids are 5 and 10, anyone have any tips to offer on how to break it to them gently....I can't just say "Mom does not love dad anymore" they don't need those messy details.

They will of course know for sure that mom and dad love them both more than anything, and we will answer all their questions as best we can, I'm just worried on what to say if they ask "WHY", I don't want to lie to them but at the same time, like I said they don't need to know the messy details. Not sure STBX would agree to something like "Mom and Dad are just not getting along" cause after all as he puts it...."This was my idea, I wanted this separation"......

I'm guessing I'm gonna be the bad guy here!!!

Old 06-30-2011, 10:44 PM
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That is a hard conversation. Mine was gone before my son was born so I didn't have to do that conversation. I have however had many questions over the years. I never blamed anyone... I just said "mommy and daddy weren't happy together and we are happier apart." I always say "mommy and daddy both love you and that will never change". I also made him aware that family looks different for different people. Sometimes they live all together. Sometimes they live apart. Sometimes they live with a relative. No matter where or with whom they live - they are still a family. I think kids just want to know that they can still be loved and love both their parents.

Best of luck and lots of breathing.
Old 06-30-2011, 11:07 PM
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Rioe Rioe is offline
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When my ex and I split, someone gave me a pamphlet with different suggestions for breaking the breakup news to children, and it was very well presented, with various approaches based on the age of the child. It listed developmental reasons for each variant, and offered possible expected reactions. I bet if you searched around the internet you could find something similar.

Basically, tell them together if at all possible, then get the ten year old aside later because that's who the more complicated questions will come from.

But you want to make absolutely sure they understand it is not THEIR fault (don't mention the school finishing timeline, for example), has nothing to do with them, that there isn't anything they can do to change it, and that you both still love them and always will.

And no one is a bad guy, it's just something that's happening, that will be better for everyone overall. Set things up with your ex as soon as possible that the kids do not need to hear any of the grownup details, such as it being initiated by you. He can whine and complain to buddies about you all he wants, but the kids don't get the details. It's not healthy for them.

Kids are pretty perceptive and sensitive; they'll have noticed something building a while ago, and be glad to get it out into the open.
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