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Old 06-15-2011, 10:35 AM
JB514 JB514 is offline
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Default Paternity test

Hi, I have a question regarding paternity testing. Here is the situation...

My daughter is 14 now, and I had been recently approached (once again) by a member of the family regarding the questionable activity of the mother during the time she got pregnant. Over the years (after the divorce) friends and family had mentioned that I should do the test. Also, on couple of occasions the mother told me that my daughter isn't mine, but I thought that she just was saying that out of spite. At the time I did not act on it because my daughter and I had a good relationship and I didn't want anything to put a bump in it. However, last 7-8 years we had been on and off (at her request) and since a doubt had been put in my head once again I was wondering if I could petition the court for the test. Please understand that I am aware that it will not have any bearings on child support or my responsibilities. I just want my personal peace of mind.

The question is can the mother refuse the pat. test and can the court decline my request? How much does it cost?

Thank you
Old 06-15-2011, 10:49 AM
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blinkandimgone blinkandimgone is offline
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I don't know the answers to your questions but I would recommend you think a LOT before requesting it. If nothing is going to change, why bother with the test? What is this new knowledge going to do to/for you or your daughter?
Old 06-15-2011, 11:06 AM
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I would wait until the child is an adult, and then discuss it with her to let her know there is a question about paternity (which her blanky blank mom may have already told her).

If the idea is floating around, it is best to know the answer, but wait until she is mature enough to handle the process.

Then you can tell her that you will always love her etc, but you want to decide together if you should find out the truth.

Oh, and tell your family members to mind their own business, this is definitely between you and your daughter and NO ONE ELSE!
Old 06-15-2011, 12:45 PM
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wretchedotis wretchedotis is offline
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Give Maury/Jerry a call.

I think they fly you out and you gt a mini vacay out of it.
Shouldn't matter that it'll end up national tv., should it?
You seem like you want to wreck the whole thing chasing this down anyways - why not go big?
Old 06-15-2011, 02:37 PM
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I have heard that you can order the kit on line and do a swap yourself, without your daughter knowing. That way she doesn't have to wonder and put all sorts of doubts in her head.
Old 06-15-2011, 02:49 PM
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" will not have any bearings on child support or my responsibilities. I just want my personal peace of mind."
I fail to see what difference it makes having a paternity test done. If you are her biological father, nothing changes. If it turns out you are not her biological father, how will that knowledge change the relationship between you and your 14 yr old daughter? Even wanting to know for "...your peace of mind" indicates something will change if she isn't your biological daughter. If not, why bother?
I always thought paternity testing was done with blood samples, but I guess they can do it from cheek swabs now. They'd need DNA samples from the father and child (to compare DNA) at least.
If her mother doesn't agree to paternity testing, then the court might order it if you make a strong enough argument for it. As far as the court is concerned, you have been as a father to her and will be expected to continue in that role.
Upshot is, you might end up spending a lot of money and putting yourself through a lot of anxiety for very little. You're her Dad, she's your daughter -- enjoy the trials and tribulations and disregard the busybody family. It's YOUR life, not theirs.
Old 06-15-2011, 08:19 PM
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true no effect on cs payments....acted as dad for so bad, so sad, however it does give a clear indication of "who" she is.......kind of sucks if one has been fooled that way.
Old 06-15-2011, 09:44 PM
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Trust me. bio dad requsted a paternity test on an 18 year old and it broke her heart, to the point that she needed antidepressants..btw it came out that he was her bio dad. dont do it if you value the relationship with your daughther its not worth it...ii
Old 06-15-2011, 11:12 PM
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I can understand you wanting to know the truth. Not exactly the same situation, but I needed to meet my bio parents as I was adopted. So, I still love my parents (the ones that raised me) as my parents but the need to know my genetic history was huge.

Maybe when she is a bit older you can talk to her about it and you can do it together. I think truth might be important to both of you. Just because you may or may not be genetically tied doesn't do anything to the relationship that is. It simply means you are not living a possible lie.

I'd need to know.

Good luck.
Old 06-15-2011, 11:27 PM
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Thank you all for your replies and advices. I agree with a lot that had been said, however, a lot of it refers to the "not to ruin the relationship". Unfortunately, as I said above there is no relationship or more like I had been "come here, go away" dad for many years and quite frankly can't do it anymore. There is no respect and I have no voice what so ever and if I say anything I become the worst dad in the world. Trust me it goes beyond the "teenager attitude" that will go away eventually (she is just becoming her mom). The reasons for fights are so ridiculous that is I was to continue to pursue band over for them I would literally become a doormat! As for paternity test It will not change anything to do with my daughter. I just feel that I deserve to know the whole truth and it is more directed at the mother than at child. Because maybe if the real truth comes out, my daughter might see that I might not be such a "horrible" dad after all and all the negative influence and manipulation comes from her mother. As for the mother, it would be nice to expose the "real" her.
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