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General Chat This forum is for discussing anything that doesn't fit into another forum, or for discussing things that are off topic, or just for general venting.

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  #1  
Old 05-04-2006, 01:03 AM
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It's pretty clear that there has been a lot of tension on the forums over the last few days and I'd really like to put an end to it. While vigorous debate is encouraged, things have gone beyond that. I'm open to suggestions as to how to resolve this and I would encourage people to let me know.

To Sean: I'm really sorry this happened just as you were starting out. I'm really impressed with your contributions to the forums. I think people need to recognize what an asset you are here.

As well, you've been apologetic publicly, which sure isn't an easy thing to do, and made it clear that you're trying to move past this incident.

I'm sorry that I did not give you clear guidelines about being a moderator, and I'm working on putting something together. But basically, there's a pretty laissez-faire attitude as long as people aren't flaming - so, all moderators should be using their moderator powers sparingly. It's really all about helping the members.

To Grace: I understand completely why you and several others felt hurt, and then silenced.

The forums welcome both women and men. The forums also tolerate all opinions. I think you know me well enough to know these aren't just empty words, but I really mean them.

Needless to say, your contributions to the forums are great and have been for a long time. I should have made you a moderator a long time ago and I apologize for not doing that.

To both Grace and Sean: Please do stay on as active members and as moderators of the forums. I don't think either of you realize how much members here look up to you. Sharing your thoughts, expertise and opinions not only helps the members, but also thousands of people each month who "lurk" but don't join.

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Old 05-04-2006, 10:21 AM
Divorcemanagement Divorcemanagement is offline
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No worries
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Old 05-04-2006, 11:50 AM
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Amen to that Jeff!

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Old 05-08-2006, 10:44 AM
beltane beltane is offline
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I've taken a lot of time before replying to this... because I have found this forum VERY helpful for the confusing legal aspects of my divorce, and for that I really thank you Jeff. Your forum is absolutely filling a very real need in people's lives.

However, I believe I have come to the conclusion, at least for me, that it may not be possible for women and men experiencing the dissolution of their marriage, to make themselves emotionally "vulnerable" in this particular forum.

There have been a couple of posts alluding to heated debates, or possible flamed tempers, or things going "beyond that" and I do not see it. I have been on the internet and participated in message forums for a long long time now and participated in volatile topics from religion to abortion to gay marriage... and the opinions respectfully expressed in this forum were NOT heated or mean-spirited or out of control. Some of us expressed sincere concerns and explained why. Nobody called Sean names or said anything inappropriate about his character, we simply wanted to know if he stood by or regretted referring to his choice of words "free money" when speaking of spousal support.

And while you may feel he has apologized, I do not. I have read and RE-read his posts, and personally I only see a lot of cleverly thought-out scrambling around the direct question of his words "free money".

While I do note that in one reply he was sorry that *I* "felt that way"... he was not sorry about his own choice of words.

Personally, while I find this message forum VERY valuable resource for legal information (thank you again) I must say that I myself do not feel safe here to discuss the very deep emotional aspects of my divorce.

Personally, I feel as though some women here expressed some very real concerns, and we have not-so-subtly been told to "quiet down" and stop rocking the boat.
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Old 05-08-2006, 10:57 AM
Divorcemanagement Divorcemanagement is offline
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Beltane:

I will send you a private message regarding your concerns.
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Old 05-08-2006, 11:01 AM
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Why a private message? Beltane has expressed her concerns publicly and I am wondering why they need to be addressed privately?
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Old 05-08-2006, 11:20 AM
Divorcemanagement Divorcemanagement is offline
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I am sending her a private message out of respect for her concern that people posting to this forum might not be sensitive to each other's vulnerabilities. Were I to publicly post what I have sent to her privately, I believe that would be disrespectful to her given the very serious nature of her concerns.

It should be noted that I have once again sent a message to Jeff offering to withdraw from acting as a moderator on this forum if there is any perception that my presence here is diminishing the value and importance of this forum.

Last edited by Divorcemanagement; 05-08-2006 at 11:28 AM.
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Old 05-08-2006, 11:35 AM
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I would think that her concerns (that many of us share) need to be addressed publicly - or she would have sent you a private message.....
  #9  
Old 05-08-2006, 11:36 AM
beltane beltane is offline
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It was not my intention to cause troubles, I was merely saying what was on my mind and in my heart.

As I have said, this Divorce Forum is a VALUABLE resource for parents... especially given that the legal help we receive here is Canadian.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Divorcemanagement
I am sending her a private message out of respect for her concern that people posting to this forum might not be sensitive to each other's vulnerabilities. Were I to publicly post what I have sent to her privately, I believe that would be disrespectful to her given the very serious nature of her concerns.
I am even uncomfortable that my 'concerns' are now being handled with a reply by "private message"... I once again am feeling as though perhaps some of the moderators on this board wish THIS woman (me) would just quietly go away.

I apologize for stirring the waters, but I will not remain quiet. I did that for way too long and I won't do it anymore.
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Old 05-08-2006, 11:38 AM
Divorcemanagement Divorcemanagement is offline
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Then I will post publicly here to you Jenny, to Beltane and to anyone who feels that my conduct on the matter in question was insensitive or inappropriate - what specifically would you like me to do that will address your concerns on this matter?

For the record - I have so far done the following:

a) Started a new thread clarifying my use of the words that apparently have created such great controversy and the closure of the thread which upset people and which nobody has continued posting to.
b) In the same new thread, reinforced by belief system as it relates to spousal support.
c) Offered to withdraw as a moderator from Ottawadivorce,com last week and again today.

If there is more that you would like me to do, please advise.

Last edited by Divorcemanagement; 05-08-2006 at 11:41 AM.
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