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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #1  
Old 05-03-2006, 05:21 PM
alreadydid3 alreadydid3 is offline
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Hi All,
Divorce support... I wish I had have had some while it was happening. At this point I'm not even sure what type of support I need. When it happened I was in a state of shock, depression, etc.. and had no protection from the people that I trusted most... my ex and my own lawyers. I went into court based solely on the advise given to me through the Lawyer Referral Service only to find that the lawyer I gave all of the info to was representing my ex. If that wasn't bad enough my own lawyer had me sign off rights to my home for a bunch of agreements made and then withdrew the agreements before it went in front of the judge without my knowledge. LOL. Wasn't even able to get help enforcing the slim pickings that were left in the agreement. My world is such a mess right now that I've considered suicide a lot but figure there isn't much point since I haven't eaten in so long it probably won't matter much longer. Anyway, just searched for people who have been through it... don't know what else to do.
Thanks for listening.
Sherry
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Old 05-03-2006, 05:46 PM
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Lindsay Lindsay is offline
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Hi Sherry,

I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been going through.

First and foremost, have you considered attending counselling? Going through a divorce/separation is extremely draining physically, emotionally and mentally, and it is very difficult to rebuild after such a tough experience.

I think chatting with the members that have gone through the same kind of situation may help alleviate a lot of the pain and stress you're feeling. I am certain that you aren't alone, and I know that a lot of our members would be more than happy to talk things through with you.

I know it's easier said than done, but please keep your chin up! There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

Lindsay
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Old 05-03-2006, 06:32 PM
alreadydid3 alreadydid3 is offline
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Thank you for answering... its more than I've been able to expect for so long. Right now I see a "doctor"... for depression and other things. Talking to her doesn't really help. Was wondering if talking ever really does. After everything that happened its hard to trust that anything ever will.
  #4  
Old 05-03-2006, 09:06 PM
sunday sunday is offline
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You are not alone ( unfortunately ). If you would like to send me a private message please feel free to do so!!
Maybe if we compare our horror stories we might feel slightly better.
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Old 05-03-2006, 11:05 PM
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Hold on tight areadydid3, there can be a light at the end of the tunnel. I too am a survivor of domestic abuse. I urge you to get to a women's shelter as soon as possible so they can direct and help you find resources to help you.

As for councelling it absolutely works, but you have to sick it out. Sometimes finding a counselor is like trying on shoes, you need to try on a few pairs before you find the right fit. PLEASE don't give up. There is hope. And please keep posting here, it is a great place to vent your frustrations and get the support you both need and deserve.

As for the lawyers, you should report him/her to the Law Society.

I will be praying for you.
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Old 05-03-2006, 11:22 PM
alreadydid3 alreadydid3 is offline
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Law Society.... been there on the advice of my doctor, Legal Aid, every agency available....
Their take on the situation was that even though the lawyer from the Lawyer Referral Service taking my ex as a client after already advising me in length was unethical... it wasn't illegal so there was nothing they could do but tell him it was unethical.
As for my own lawyer's party to the situation... the Law Society said that my lawyer was working "under" someone else so may have been acting on good faith so they saw no point in pursuing the matter. In other words... no one is accountable as far as the law goes and we should suck it up.
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Old 05-03-2006, 11:31 PM
Grace Grace is offline
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A survivor has reached the turning point that a victim still cannot see. Reaching that turning point and making the commitment to change their life marks the place in time where one becomes a survivor and refuses to be a victim any longer. That doesn't mean it's easy; that doesn't mean a survivor wakes up one day and suddenly everything is "a piece of cake" and perfectly clear. We still need support; we still have to heal many emotional traumas from a myriad of abuses. We still have to sort out a lot of confusion in our own minds. But that turning point means we see our own mental captivity as a victim and refuse to tolerate it any longer. A survivor breaks free of abuse.

Many (not all, but many) survivors do one other thing, sooner or later: They go back to help others. They take what knowledge they have and their experiences and start sharing with others. They reach out to victims with a helping hand. They try to help society understand the problem. They support every "young survivor" (any person who has just crossed that same turning point) with hope, understanding and the support they so desperately need.

I will always believe very strongly that being a survivor of domestic violence means being a former victim, and having moved on by putting the perpetrator behind them.

Sunday, remember this post. I pass the touch on too you to help out our new friend. I'll still here if you need any help.
Alreadydid3, your going to be OK
Grace
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Old 05-04-2006, 02:14 AM
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I was a victim but only of my own stupidity.... trust. Trusting my ex would do the right thing for our daughter since he wasn't there for so many years. Trusting the lawyer at the Lawyer Referral Service. Trusting that my own lawyer was there to fight for our rights. When I finally decided to stop being a victim... stop trusting... stop shutting up and accepting it... the only advice I was able to get is to shut up and accept it. LOL. Vicious circle and there should be some sort of time frame because someone faced with shock and depression shouldn't have to deal with this type of thing alone.
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Old 05-04-2006, 06:51 AM
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Thank you Grace for all your support!! Your wisdom and careing words are very soothing for me!
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Old 05-04-2006, 07:06 AM
sunday sunday is offline
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Please don't put yourself down!! Please don't look back...only forward!! You will get through this tragedy...baby steps.
Talk, talk and more talk is not only necessary but it is an essential part of the healing process. My friends and family are so tired of listening to me ( bless their hearts ) but they understand!! Do you have a pet? This may sound silly but having a dog is very therapeutic.
Hang in there...you will have good days to look forward to!!
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