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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 05-02-2006, 07:15 AM
Divorcemanagement Divorcemanagement is offline
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Taking off my family mediator hat and now putting on my divorce coach hat, I thought it would be interesting to start a thread about healing from divorce - often the hardest part of divorce for a lot of people because it is so difficult to "let go" of the life that you were living and step into the great unknown.

Once upon a time, we were all single men and women. (For some of us that was a jillion years ago when women had big hair and men wore Miami Vice duds ala Don Johnson.) Do you remember what your life looked like back then - what were your hopes, dreams and aspirations?

Now think about where you are in the divorce process. Do you have a different frame of reference or have your hopes, dreams and aspirations remained intact?

When my colleague and I are coaching clients or delivering a coaching workshop, we try to emphasize a steadfast belief that the world is your oyster - open it up and see what it has to offer you as you rebuild your life. Has your divorce so impacted your life that you cannot move past the pain associated with the end of your marriage, and if so - what are you stuck on?

If you have moved on and you like the person you've become (or are becoming) what helped you along the way?

In my travels, I have met many people who rebuilt their lives after a divorce in a way that truly was empowering and inspiring. One man decided to write a book - and was fortunate enough to find a publisher! A woman turned her experiences as a divorcing mother into a business where she coaches other women and deals with women specific issues relating to divorce.

What's your success story? What worked for you. How can we help those who are on the path to healing? What helps you deal with stress?

For me, I power walk for stress relief and I play an MMORPG (Massive Multi-Player Online Role Playing Game) called City of Heroes where you get to create your own superhero and save citizens from certain doom at the hands of evil villains - great mindless fun.

Last edited by Divorcemanagement; 05-02-2006 at 09:39 AM.
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Old 05-02-2006, 03:25 PM
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hubby hubby is offline
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Well. For me it has been an accelerated spiritual experience.

Many can draw strength and power from worldly ways ... for me, I do my best to draw from a higher power. While we try to solve our issues and challenges in life by looking at the trees in the forest (possible solutions), looking from way way above, one is able to see the entire forest and thus has more options available to them. That is my belief anyway.

Interesting, today while having lunch, I was thinking about my impending divorce and this is what came to me. I came into the world with nothing, I'll leave with nothing ... all suffering is temporary, why worry about what is, focus on what can be.

Out of the suffering of Divorce, a wonderful gift is given. Gift ones says? Yep, for me, it was a better understanding about relationships and what lead to the destruction of mine. This I know, will allow me to move forward in life to meet another fine person (woman) to share my life with but on a grander and higher quality scale! The wisdom gained during and after this experience is one I shall treasure and hope to one day, pass on to my children. Out of my misfortune, they (children) shall gain fortune.

Now for those of us that are/may be suffering, I do know one thing --- in order to grow, one must be willing to let go. You know, out with the old, in with the new. This to me is like giving and receiving in the bible to some degree. When you let go of something (failed relationship for example) , you are giving back that something to the world. You are then opened and rewared to receive by the world (another fine relationship) -- for you have made the space available for it.

Talking about being 'stuck' in the divorce process is a perfect reminder that life is trying to get your attention. You know, sort of like the dog barking which drives you crazy at times, but it's the dogs way of saying heah, feed me or let me out to pee! I believe that when one finds themselves in constant suffering, it's cause life is trying to get your attention to something that needs tending too.

Well, thats it for my rambling ... I'm not sure sometimes if wisdom can come forth from pain. I do my best to help out my fellow brothers and sisters who find themselves in pain at times.

Blessings to you all.

Hubby
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Old 05-02-2006, 05:28 PM
Divorcemanagement Divorcemanagement is offline
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What an excellent posting Hubby. We have to draw strength from something and I really like your thoughts how we come into the world and how we leave it. Everything in between is temporary, isn't it?
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