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  #1  
Old 04-25-2006, 05:45 AM
mac mac is offline
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Hi

Im male 33 years old married for about 9 years but been together 18 years since after i left school
Before i got married and had 2 children she had an affair with someone from work - i found out and it broke my heart but after a few months seperated i went to work abroad and kept in contact , we decided we could work things out and did untill recently i found out she has been having another affair with someone at different work for probably about 2 years
same story different bloke - i think she has feelings for this person but has told me she wants to break it off and try again with me
I have agreed provisionally because i dont want to make any knee jerk decisions as my children are involved and i would sacrife anything for them
i would live in the same house as this horrible heartless women but i cant look at her any more , she makes me feel sick
I found this out from my 8 year old daughter , she told me that moms work mate took them to the cinema - and my son told me that she met at a park next to his nursery ???
Im sickened that while i was out working my hardest to put a roof over our heads she done this to me - I love my children and its makes me feel heartbroken that this guy had been around them like this
I dont neglect my children , i spend as much time as possible with them and take them out places all the time - so why would she do this ?
My only assumtion is that she has a mental problem

Ok do i try to keep my marriage for the sake of the kids knowing that she will let me down again or do i walk away and start a new life ?

my head is shot - any advice or or personal experiences would be appreciated
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Old 04-25-2006, 12:32 PM
sasha1 sasha1 is offline
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I'm so sorry. There is no excuse for infidelity, and my heart goes out to you and your kids. I admire your commitment and applaud your prioritizing the children.

In your place, I would seek some personal counselling for yourself, simply to help you come to a decision about the marriage. Tell your wife that this is your intent, and that if she really wants to try again, the affair stops COMPLETELY, and right NOW. Then I'd tell her she's going to have to wait for an answer until you've had a chance to go to counselling and work through all of it on your own. At some point, you or the counsellor may want her to attend as well, and maybe you'll work through it together, but you certainly do not need to (and shouldn't) make a decision right now, while you're still reeling from all of this.

Take care, and feel free to keep posting, regardless.
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Old 04-25-2006, 04:27 PM
mac mac is offline
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Cheers good advice , im just going to hang in there and make decisions when i get my head around all this
ive booked a last minute family holiday to the algarve for a week , going in two days as the children have been through a lot lately with all this stress and i need a break myself
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Old 04-25-2006, 05:32 PM
sasha1 sasha1 is offline
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Good for you, Mac. That ought to help a little. You've been betrayed in the worst possible way (IMO), and the very LEAST your wife should do is to back off and wait, for as long as you need, for you to make your decisions. Only you can do that, but given the circumstances she's put you in, she should bloody well be grateful to give you the time to work it out for yourself.
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Old 04-25-2006, 06:05 PM
mac mac is offline
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Yeah she wont have much choice because she has no money and no job now and im staying put and paying the bills untill i work out whats right for me and the kids - there wont be a perfect solution whichever way it goes though so im not going to rush

wouldn't mind but the crazy bitch watched me convert the loft last year and even discussed having another child while she was doing this behind my back
the more i think about this i cannot see any way of staying much longer
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Old 04-25-2006, 06:41 PM
sasha1 sasha1 is offline
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Well, the last thing I ever want to do is to defend a cheater, but there is a chance that she was sincere (albeit screwed up) when she expressed interest in wanting to have another child. It may have been her attempt to re-connect in a marriage she thought was going south. Certainly, that doesn't excuse the choice she made instead, though; that was just WRONG. But if you're serious about entertaining the notion of a reconciliation, you owe it to yourself (not her) to try the counselling thing. Don't get me wrong; I'm sure not implying there's anything wrong with you, but what I'm saying is that she's messed up the whole family's lives with her selfish choices, and single-handedly created issues that didn't need to be. You, on the other hand, are trying to think in terms of what is best for your marriage and children; not just you, and although that is really good and so admirable, you need to be able to be certain that the choices YOU make are ones you can really live with. If you can't live with what she's done, better you make the split now than spend the next year or two, or ten, staying in the relationship but resenting and despising her, KWIM? Your kids need a better example than that. So although it's more than understandable if you resent her for a long time over this, you don't want to show your kids that this is how a relationship is, right?
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