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Old 04-14-2011, 02:45 PM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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Default Hello Everyone

Hi everyone. I'm new to the forum and thought i'd introduce myself.

40-year old woman who initiated split-up, although he served first and am about to undergo first case conference in June.

I must say..despite all the crud-slinging and trauma...I'm more calm than I've been in 20 years knowing that I and my girls have a real chance at happiness and peace. I absolutely can't wait to get this divorce over with and continue with my life.

Reading the posts on here, however, I wonder if I'm in the minority....
Old 04-14-2011, 03:07 PM
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karmaseeker karmaseeker is offline
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I would think that we all want to get on with our lives and live in happiness and peace. We have tried for resolution multiple times but are dealing with a nutjob. I certainly am sick of the crap. However, when you are dealing with people that are motivated by control, money, vindictiveness then getting to that place of peace is rather a challenge.

It only takes one to not play fair to ruin the game easy divorce.

Glad you have found calm in the midst of chaos. Best of luck to you in your new found freedom.
Old 04-14-2011, 03:57 PM
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Epona Epona is offline
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Welcome! Oh, I think we all want "...a real chance at happiness and peace" and "...can't wait to get this divorce over with and continue with my life." However, that requires some cooperation on the part of both parties and if one was difficult before, then generally they continue along the same way. least you don't have to live with him/her anymore! It gets easier (not easy exactly) with time. If you have child(ren), then you're involved even after the children are adults (marriages, grandkids), pension splitting...
I second what karmaseeker wrote.
Old 04-14-2011, 05:07 PM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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One should never

Actually...i'm living with my soon to be ex-husband still.

He has been verbally abusive for years...insulting, demeaning, front of our children, family and friends....nothing new. Also, since the beginning of this process, he's gotten worse...has basically accused me of all types of salaciousness in an attempt to humiliate and embarrass me. He has also engaged in stalking type behavior....tried to ruin relationships with my family and children. His claim document was a list of lies. And he is also trying to seek sole custody of our youngest daughter (which is ridiculous). Not to mention the financial hardship with legal fees, etc. I basically am a prisoner in my home.

However, despite all of this, I still find myself very hopeful and optimistic. I'm a great mother, always have been. I have great kids, a great family and friends and am finding out how great they are these days. While I had no chance at happiness in my marriage, I have great hope for it now. It may take a while...some bad days...and some worry and work but Its soooo worth it.

His bad behavior and lies will be his burden. He's gearing up for a future filled with bitterness. I simply won't go down to that level or wallow in that misery.

Again, I understand the worry, the resentment, and the anger but its just not the way I feel....quite the opposite. I can't wait! The only thing that I'm finding a bit hard to take is the amount of time the process takes. It took me 10 minutes to get married...and its going to take me lord knows how long to get divorced.

Ah well...all worth it!!!! I've learned so much about what I want in life and what makes me feel joy. I can't wait to celebrate this part of my life being over!
Old 04-14-2011, 06:53 PM
Nadia Nadia is offline
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Divorce is difficult but the alternative of living with someone who is verbally abusive is far worse. I've been there myself. But once you get through it and you will, it does get better.

If you have young children like I do, you are still tied to the other parent because of the children and the conflict may continue through the courts, the police service, email and phone calls as it has in my case. My ex has just never given up on making my life miserable.

But, somehow you manage to adjust to the new reality and cope. Focus on your relationship with your children first and foremost.

I'm counting down the days, weeks, months, years when the children are older and I won't have any reason to interact with him anymore and will for all intent and purposes be "free"

Best of Luck,
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