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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #1  
Old 04-14-2006, 01:42 AM
gvjt gvjt is offline
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I am living with my girlfriend after a three-year affair which eventually resulted in separation from our original spouses. We are planning on getting married soon. Although we both feel very guilty about the hurt we've caused to others, I have severed any romantic or friendly ties with my old spouse - its "business only" with my old spouse. My girlfriend, on the other hand, calls her old husband every day - she says she feels sorry for him. Today, I said to her, "You know you can never see him again," to which she replied, "No, I don't know that!". We dropped the matter for now, but I wish to discuss it further with her. Before I do, can I get some feedback from everyone on this? First, is there ANYONE who thinks I'm being unreasonable? Second, is there anyone who thinks she should call him everyday? What are your thoughts please? Thanks in advance.
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Old 04-14-2006, 10:43 AM
Chopper Chopper is offline
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Only have one word for ya dude!

KARMA
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Old 04-14-2006, 11:34 AM
logicalvelocity logicalvelocity is offline
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If either you or your gf has children with your respective former spouses, it is always best to get along in an amicable way for the sake of the children. Communication is important.
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Old 04-14-2006, 04:43 PM
gvjt gvjt is offline
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Default no kids

To give more information, I have three kids with my old spouse, but she has no children.
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Old 04-15-2006, 10:25 AM
gvjt gvjt is offline
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To give more information yet on this thread, I'm not sure if I was clear, but my real concern is that she apparently thinks it is appropriate to visit him. I don't think this is normal. I'm especially concerned, because it is clear he has not accepted the situation and wants her back. She says she just feels sorry for him and would visit him "like a brother". I really think this is ridiculous and dangerous. Am I all alone in my opinion? What does everyone else think?
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Old 04-15-2006, 12:30 PM
god knows the truth god knows the truth is offline
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I've read this post two days ago and was too 'blown away' that you actually want advice on this. I'm baffled that you think her behaviour is inappropriate---look what you've both done 3 years ago! Now you're bothered that she's communicating with the very man she cheated ON(ex) and it's bugging the man she cheated with(you).Now you know how your ex wife and her ex husband felt.What a vicious web we weave!
YOu really expected to have a solid relationship with this woman? you expected things to be peachy-keen when you both cheated and based this relationship on deception---now you're wondering if anyone sees her actions as acceptable. No they're not! Neither were yours!I think a cheater is a cheater is a cheater.........
I think you should start from square one again--whatever that may entail for you. good luck
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Old 04-15-2006, 12:49 PM
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What goes around, comes around.
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Old 04-15-2006, 01:52 PM
gvjt gvjt is offline
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Thanks for the previous two replies. To the first of those: Yes you are right, but you are also being sarcastic, because when you say "I'm baffled that you think her behaviour is inappropriate", you suggest that I think what her and did in the past was acceptable. Neither her nor I (nor you) think it was, and we are genuinely sorry for what we did. We both vowed to one another that we wouldn't let it happen again. I can't see inside her heart, but I know that I am sincere. The issue is that I think she is being naive, and believes that she can "remain friends" with him, however good her intentions are. I think she is asking for trouble. If I'm all wet on that, perhaps I shouldn't make an issue of it, but I suspect that feedback from other members will suggest that I'm on solid ground with this. So my question boils down to a yes/no one, if she is sincere in her wish to be faithful to me, is it reasonable for her to visit him or not? To me, the answer seems obvious, but this forum has helped her and I with other issues in the past, and I hope our members can act as a neutral party again to help us with this one too.
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Old 04-15-2006, 06:17 PM
god knows the truth god knows the truth is offline
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There was no sarcasm there-it was simply baffling! point said.Have a good day
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Old 04-17-2006, 11:17 PM
w/ohope w/ohope is offline
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Once a cheater not always a cheater. If you both cheated there was obviously something wrong with your previous relationships. I'm not saying it's right that you cheated.
If her and her ex are friends that's cool. Should she call him everyday? No, that's a little wierd. Some people do things just cause you tell them not to. So if her talking to the ex every day is a recent thing than you forbiding her to may have had something to do with it. As long as they're just friends there's really no harm , she should cut down on it though.
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