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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 03-16-2006, 08:41 AM
CatvsLion CatvsLion is offline
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Default Access when child is ill

Hello again,

Ok I have a question regarding access when your child is ill. My x got upset at me yesterday because my daughter has had a low grade fever the last 3 days that comes and goes. Well she informed me that the fever was up and my daughter (2 yeards old) had diahrea too and wasn't eating much. Because the cold and flu has been going around I figured it was just that - but she was going to take her to a clinic. So I told her to inform me afterwards; she got upset at this because I didn't go. (she takes our daughter to the docs for everything) Anyway, it turns out that my daughter had tonselitis. I had to call back numerous times before she answered and then she wouldn't even tell me what was said - just said 'yup it's cold & flu if that's what you thought it was'. Then she called back again to say that because she was sick she shouldn't go out tonight and/or possibly for my weekend - and that's when she informed me of what was wrong and also told me that two kids at daycare had it previously (which I was never informed) and that's where she got it from.

My daughter's fever is low grade again but she still has tonselitis. My question is does she have the right to not let my daughter go with me because she's ill. Obviously if my daughter is really sick then I wouldn't want her to go outside etc but I think she's going to play it up to punish me again. She says our court order just says i have 'access' and doesn't say it's at my house so if I want to spend time it'll have to be at her place.

Also this weekend is suppose to be the weekend where I get my 2 overnights back (was just one temporarily and she tried to get the psychologist to agree that the 2nd one was a bad idea but he said to try it). So again she's going to play the sick card now. How far can this go - and how sick is sick - if my daughter has a little cold can she say she's too sick to spend time with me.
Old 03-16-2006, 05:27 PM
jlalex jlalex is offline
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Catsvslion I don't think there is any reason you can't exercise your visitation when you daughter is ill. Unless it would be detrimental to move her due to illness...but you may want to consider that she may feel more comfortable being at home with her mommy..but if she is just as comfortable with you and in your home then I can't see a reason why not. You are just as capable to take care of her as well as your ex can. She will likely be on some kind of antibiotics and maybe a fever reducer the childrens tylenol or advil.

You may want to explain to your ex that you want to be a fully involved parent which means in health and illness, happy or sad times..and its a good thing you want to be there, your daughter needs to learn she can rely on you at all times..not when its easiest or convienent.

Good luck and I hope your lil girl feels better soon!
Old 03-17-2006, 01:29 AM
lady_of_the_moon lady_of_the_moon is offline
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Default tonsillitis and visits

I'm a pediatric nurse, and I've never heard of any of my patients 'catching tonsilitis, for one. Two, yes, it is painful, and can cause a child to not eat, and to have a fever, but it's not a reason that she can't visit you. Especially since the problem has been diagnosed.
There's a fine line between knowing when to take a child to the doctor, and when people are overdoing it... most of it depends on personality... but even experienced medical personel can mis-diagnose cases like that.
Hope your ex is more reasonable about this in the future. Good luck!
Old 03-17-2006, 01:30 AM
logicalvelocity logicalvelocity is offline
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Just an opinion,

If it was me I would of visited the clinic or doctor and hear exactly from the physician the prognosis of your daughter's illness. Your ex is wrong in the interpretation of daughter's access. If access was to occur in the mother's home the order or agreement would state specifically.

Take a look at the children's law reform act in itself

Section 20 subsection 5


(5) The entitlement to access to a child includes the right to visit with and be visited by the child and the same right as a parent to make inquiries and to be given information as to the health, education and welfare of the child. R.S.O. 1990, c. C.12, s. 20 (5).

In other words you do have a right, the same right as your ex to make inquires to the attending physician in regards to your child's health. You should have direct contact with the physician then this way you will know exactly what is going on.

If you daughter is indeed ill, co-operate with your ex. This in itself will go along way with the courts and is evident of co-operation for a joint custody regime of your child. It shows you are child centered and are most co-operative in putting your child's interest first. Your daughter most likely won't feel the best anyhow for adventurous weekend with you. You will have many weekends to come! It's a small sacrifice.

Imagine your affidavit,

On or about march xx, 2006, our daughter was ill. The mother advised me verbally of same and insisted that our child's access occur in her home due to the illness. I co-operated fully without hesitation at the mother's suggestion and exercised our child's weekend access at the mother's home. This is but one example of the co-operation that exists between the parties and are able to put the child's interest first.

I think you get the idea! your ex can't deny the scenario. The incident will be backed up by medical prognosis of the attending physician.

Don't get me wrong, I think your daughter would be fine in your care but the key word here is co-operation between you and your ex and this is just but one situation that can benefit your stance.

Old 03-17-2006, 10:12 AM
CatvsLion CatvsLion is offline
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Well I'm just getting these replies today, but they'll help for the future Basically when I went to get my daughter last night she was sleeping (the mother didn't call me to tell me this, just assumed I'd wait there with her until she woke up as she said she wasn't going to go with me anyway) So I went for a coffee and told her to call me when she woke up. When I did go back my daughter did look sick and wasn't feeling the best - although she kept saying bye bye to her mom and got upset a little when her mom said she wasn't going anywhere, I instead of causing a scene spent time with her at her mom's place for an hour or more and then left - I got a huge hug from my little girl which was worth it :P

It is funny how her mother is fine with our daughter coming with me when it's convient... ie. on Tuesday I took the day off because she was ill and that was fine for our daughter to spend the day with me. Anyway, I've also taken today off (again it's fine now because she has to work) and my daughter is with me today and getting much better. (no fever since the antibiotics) She'll also be staying with me all weekend as well so that's good news. I guess I passed the mother's test by not getting upset that she didn't want her to go with me last night. I really do hate games and I hope they stop soon.

Happy St. Patty's day!
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