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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 06-03-2010, 08:52 AM
mannaguy mannaguy is offline
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Default Wife refused at the last minute to joint custody and division of assets!

I just had a thread up regarding my wife not letting me use/have/photocopy my sons legal docs(passport-OHIP-BC).Now in the 11th hour she has refused to honour a basic agreement of joint custody (time & access to be worked out thru mediation).

She is Chinese and had previously threatened to take him to China to live.
She has no job now and has plenty of resources there in China and a free residence to live in.And a trip is booked which I signed off in August.Altho I could easily revoke that.A friend suggested I try to revoke his passport entirely.

In addition she has 'almost' violently refused to let me take my son to visit my family members over the last year.

We are just about to move out of our home that we have just sold and she is also saying she no longer wants to split the sale 50/50.

I had a lawyer who was helping me before as my wife had hired a lawyer
(to threaten me into submission-quite uselessly).However she doesn't litigate.Now my previous lawyer has recommended family lawyers that do.
So I will be consulting ASAP.

However-I have my own place-am working-have tons of family support-
I now feel I should have my son 50% of the time as the situation is so unstable.This could lead to physical confrontation.I don't do that-I don't want my son to be around that and quite frankly my wife scares me-she is a large strong woman and I doubt I could even raise a finger even to protect myself.

So... are there any immediate things I can do at a courthouse 'myself'
to protect my child and my parenting rights?

One other thing: I was prepared to do everything thru lawyers/mediation before but it was my wife who called off her lawyers and wanted to work everything out between us.So it seems shes been stringing me along
for the past 6 months.

Sorry for the ramble here.

M
  #2  
Old 06-03-2010, 09:17 AM
NotSoNiceEx NotSoNiceEx is offline
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If it was me personally, i would call off the trip to china, she can go alone until the details of the home access etc are worked out, she backed out at last minute. I would ask for an emergency motion and request that a mutual third party keep the childs passport. There is nothing holding her here in Canada, the house is sold and she can communicate from China for the money. That is what i would do.
  #3  
Old 06-03-2010, 10:31 AM
Pharah Pharah is offline
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You need to file for Joint/sole custody with the court before anyone moves out of the house. Go to the court and get help from FLIC and duty counsel, server her as soon as possible if not TODAY. She has no right to deny you anything unless the court says so! As soon as you let her leave with your son and establish a home for them as sole provider, you are giving your implied consent!
  #4  
Old 06-03-2010, 04:50 PM
LostFather LostFather is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mannaguy View Post
I just had a thread up regarding my wife not letting me use/have/photocopy my sons legal docs(passport-OHIP-BC).Now in the 11th hour she has refused to honour a basic agreement of joint custody (time & access to be worked out thru mediation).

She is Chinese and had previously threatened to take him to China to live.
She has no job now and has plenty of resources there in China and a free residence to live in.And a trip is booked which I signed off in August.Altho I could easily revoke that.A friend suggested I try to revoke his passport entirely.

In addition she has 'almost' violently refused to let me take my son to visit my family members over the last year.

We are just about to move out of our home that we have just sold and she is also saying she no longer wants to split the sale 50/50.

I had a lawyer who was helping me before as my wife had hired a lawyer
(to threaten me into submission-quite uselessly).However she doesn't litigate.Now my previous lawyer has recommended family lawyers that do.
So I will be consulting ASAP.

However-I have my own place-am working-have tons of family support-
I now feel I should have my son 50% of the time as the situation is so unstable.This could lead to physical confrontation.I don't do that-I don't want my son to be around that and quite frankly my wife scares me-she is a large strong woman and I doubt I could even raise a finger even to protect myself.

So... are there any immediate things I can do at a courthouse 'myself'
to protect my child and my parenting rights?

One other thing: I was prepared to do everything thru lawyers/mediation before but it was my wife who called off her lawyers and wanted to work everything out between us.So it seems shes been stringing me along
for the past 6 months.

Sorry for the ramble here.

M
I agree with all posters and would add, I went through 'negotiations' with my ex, just before she moved out, she reneged, it was all a ruse and tactical on her part, the resulting was and ongoing 3.5 year nightmare that I am left to fight for everything. Do not let her go to China with your children! You have no protection! No agreement! Even with an agreement, with recent hostilities, in my humble opinion you risk losing your son. If she wants to go to out of the Province i would be cautious at this point.

I'm sorry if I seem so negative, but after the fact or hindsight will all be irrelevant. Catch my drift?
  #5  
Old 06-03-2010, 07:05 PM
mannaguy mannaguy is offline
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Pharah-what did you mean by joint/sole custody or did you mean 'joint' OR 'sole'?

I've always maintained joint would be best-but that she's acting so irrational and has in the past, I'm seriously wondering if I should apply for sole-but that's certainly not to spite her... but because she seems to be so much on the edge of being nuts!!

NotSoNiceEx: Yes Ive come to the conclusion that I should call off that trip
and a friend told me I might even be able to revoke sons passport or cancel it.

LostFather: after explaining my situation to a few friends they seem to think it was all a ruse...her agreeing to 50/50 house and joint custody.

The thing that bugs me the most is why does society or woman in general assume the child must stay with the mother?

She's been on medical leave for 2 years with no explanation to me from any doctor-fired from a high paying job(because of her abscense)-even tho she was offered a brand new position & declined.

I'm now back at work almost full-time after 8 years at home with my son-working (I did work part-time..)
I now have all the provisions that my son would need-sje does not have
a place until middle of July.So for almost a month she & my son will be camping on someones floor!
Who's to say I won't be the one taking him to MY place as of June 15th?!!

Thanks for your comments and sorry for the rantus e plurubum!

Going to an FLIC tomorrow.

M
  #6  
Old 06-03-2010, 07:59 PM
logicalvelocity logicalvelocity is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mannaguy View Post

The thing that bugs me the most is why does society or woman in general assume the child must stay with the mother?

I don't know the answer... but I like this:
...This view confuses cultural traditions with human nature; it also traps women in a social role not necessarily of their choosing, while at the same time freeing men: if only a mother can nurture a child of tender years, then it is the clear duty of the mother to do so; because the father cannot do it, he is neither obliged nor entitled even to try. Also, it is seen by some as self-perpetuating: by putting the female child in the custody of somebody who accepts the maternal role model so described, the rule ordains that she will have just such a role model at close hand during her most impressionable years. Thus, the "tender years principle", which at first glance seems only innocently sentimental, is seen by many as part of a subtle, systemic sexual subordination....
See FN4 here:

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...atus-quo-2629/
  #7  
Old 06-03-2010, 08:42 PM
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blinkandimgone blinkandimgone is offline
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Apologies if I've missed where you said it but do you have a custody order already in place? If not, why not take your child to live with you at your home and make an offer to her for access/ custody arrangements?

I could be wrong but I don't believe there is anything that says she automatically gets custody?
  #8  
Old 06-03-2010, 09:28 PM
LostFather LostFather is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by logicalvelocity View Post
I don't know the answer... but I like this:
...This view confuses cultural traditions with human nature; it also traps women in a social role not necessarily of their choosing, while at the same time freeing men: if only a mother can nurture a child of tender years, then it is the clear duty of the mother to do so; because the father cannot do it, he is neither obliged nor entitled even to try. Also, it is seen by some as self-perpetuating: by putting the female child in the custody of somebody who accepts the maternal role model so described, the rule ordains that she will have just such a role model at close hand during her most impressionable years. Thus, the "tender years principle", which at first glance seems only innocently sentimental, is seen by many as part of a subtle, systemic sexual subordination....
See FN4 here:

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...atus-quo-2629/
Yes, a lot has happened over the past half century, women now work and can vote. Society has changed and is changing, as is the roles of fathers in our children lives. I would bet even more since that post back in 2007.

It's funny how women over the past decades have been struggling for equality and for fathers to be more involved, to take on greater responsibilities with raising their children.

What moms did not expect is when the marriage or relationship goes south, that dad is not just going to be a paycheck anymore. That fathers want to be involved and help raise the children, and oh yeah, we're capable of do so too

I believe that now, more and more dads are exercising their rights and responsibilities as father's, it now scares mom that we are in someway threatening to mom's being mom. If that makes any sense.
  #9  
Old 06-03-2010, 09:32 PM
LostFather LostFather is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
Apologies if I've missed where you said it but do you have a custody order already in place? If not, why not take your child to live with you at your home and make an offer to her for access/ custody arrangements?

I could be wrong but I don't believe there is anything that says she automatically gets custody?
Yes, I wish now I had done that, but for me I was suckered into thinking that mom was actually trying to be genuine in telling me she wanted to do what's best for the children.
  #10  
Old 06-03-2010, 10:01 PM
mannaguy mannaguy is offline
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blinkandimgone- no I/we do not have a custody arrangement-altho
we had verbally agreed that we would have joint custody and I stressed that I would not leave the house until that was agreed upon...and that we would
at least have a written agreement...now she is reneging on that..
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