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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 03-08-2006, 01:44 PM
lydster lydster is offline
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Unhappy Agreement finally settled - why am I so sad?

I am the one who "did" the divorce, after 15 years of marriage/no kids, so why do I feel so devastated and sad and scared? Why do i feel like I've made the biggest mistake ever and I will never recover from it? I just feel sick. The thought of my husband with someone else, the thought of someone else in "my" house (it's now not mine any more, I just signed it away), the thought of not having my best friend around any more, absolutely devastates me. There were reasons I wanted a divorce, but why can't I think of them right now?

Does anyone else go through this, or mostly are people just happy to be free? I feel no "victory" at all, I feel no relief, I feel no happiness... Is this normal?

I have been going to counselling/therapy for years, off and on. My current counsellor echos what most of the other ones have said: just get on with it and get over it. I've tried to talk to certain family members about how bad I feel about all this, and they ALL seem to think that this is the best thing that ever happened to me, getting a divorce.

Anyway, sorry for the whine.. but does anyone else go through this kind of grief?
Old 03-08-2006, 02:20 PM
Grace Grace is offline
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Give yourself time to grieve. Divorce is a loss just like death, illness, or losing your job. You'll need to go through at least some form of grieving. The process of moving past the unhappiness of divorce toward recovery is painful, rocky, and unpredictable. Research indicates that it takes the average person about two years to recover from divorce, for some, longer.
Old 03-08-2006, 06:46 PM
honey I'm home honey I'm home is offline
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Hi guy's

Go ahead and grieve....

Okay enough, now go out and have fun and remember the toilet seat will always be down, the remote is yours and there is not dirty underwear on the floor in the bedroom.... ha ha ha

Let it go and let it flow.... the radio said yesterday that men should be a-scared of women today cause more and more of us are living "alone" so I guess the guy's of the world today will have to either shape up or ship out... ha ha ha (kidding guy's I love all of you...)... mind you I like being able to watch what I want.... and believe it or not sometimes it is hockey... SO THERE
Old 03-08-2006, 09:26 PM
jlalex jlalex is offline
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It is normal to feel this way, the life you thought you would have is now gone..and now you are on your own and that can be pretty scary. But the important thing to do is to do your best to move forward. Make new goals for yourself. Do something for yourself that you didn't have the chance to do before, like go back to school, take some classes, or starting a new hobby.

Building a new life for yourself can be very intimidating but look at all the things you've done in your life so far. Look at all you've overcome and challenges you have faced, this is just another one and you'll do just fine.

Be kind to yourself and take care of yourself, this is now a time to think of the possiblities of all the wonderful things that can be in your life.

You got divorced for a reason..are you sure you miss him or miss the person you wished he could be?

Hang in there, it gets easier...

Take care
Old 03-08-2006, 11:42 PM
Jenny Jenny is offline
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You know sometimes the battle can be rough and when it is finally done we are left feeling like we don't know how to move on.

There are 5 stages of grief and somedays you'll go through them all in one day!

Denial, anger, bargining,depression and acceptance. - sorry if i messed them up - been a long time since I took this is school.

As Jlalex said - Sometimes what we are grieving for isn't the actual person but who we wanted them to be. The image we created in our minds. The loss of our hopes.

Give it some time. It sounds like you are doing all the right things- counselling, talking to your friends and family - even if they aren't getting what you are feeling. Let your self feel what you are feeling. Allow those feelings and doubts but know that you made this decision for the best and you will feel strong again.
Old 03-11-2006, 08:59 AM
lydster lydster is offline
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Thank you, everyone. I really appreciate the lift. The best thing for me to remember is that it's going to take time. (You know how you intellectually know these things and yet you NEED to be kindly and gently reminded?). Sigh. I'm still reeling from the finality, after separating and then getting back together so many times - this time there's no getting back together. But it is time to move on - thank you for the support.
Old 03-16-2006, 06:44 PM
Julie Julie is offline
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Good luck lydster!
Glad you have realised that time is the greatest healer.

I wish you all the best!
Old 03-17-2006, 01:40 AM
lady_of_the_moon lady_of_the_moon is offline
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Default it does take time

people are absolutely right about the grieving... let's face it, I don't think anybody gets married without having a reason to have done it in the first place, and as bad as things get, there will always be those memories.
I was married, and am getting divorced, and am in a new wonderful relationship. I have very legitimate reasons to get divorced, but sometimes I still get pangs of guilt, sadness, and loneliness. But I know that I'll be okay, and that I would not be in a good place if I had stayed.

Best of luck to you, things will turn out okay...
Old 04-02-2006, 03:39 PM
nap134 nap134 is offline
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Default What can I do?

I have since sept,05 been seperated from my common-law partner of 5years with whom I have a baby girl together.Immediately after we seperated she was already seeing someone else a brother of her best friend.There had been roumors even while we were together that this best friend of hers was actually hooking them up.Last year was the last straw.Anyway,I love this woman so much and I feel so sad but I am still capable of reason,so I thought I would support her in whatever decisions she has made,I even had to ask her if she had really loved me all those times she told me,she would climb through the windows of my appartment to get to me,try everywhere she thought I might be,she was what one could call obsessed with me,It just surprises me how that girl then could over a sudden change to someone else.

Was it because this new dude has more money?
DO you think she really loved me?
If she did,does love die out or is it just a phase?

I gave up other people I could have been with who loved me, to be with her,and now when I invested in her she asks us to seperate...what is went on here?
More importantly,I have been struggling to make her understand that regardless of our personal difficulties,we are both entitled to the companionship of our daughter,we stayed together for two years after she was born,I am the father and just because we seperated,she seems to imply that I have no say in anymatters regarding my child...what should I do about this?
Old 04-06-2006, 05:38 PM
applepie applepie is offline
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Love is a tricky thing and there is more than one kind. There's that first rush of love which if probably more like infactuation and then there is the love that comes really only with time and patience and willingness to stick it out.

As far as your daughter is concerned, try to work out a visitation arrangement. If she is not willing to let you see her or is in any way impeding your relationship with your child, you may have to look at going to court and securing a custody agreement.
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