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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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Old 02-22-2010, 10:10 AM
JustADad JustADad is offline
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Location: Tri-City Area - ON
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Default What if the woman is charged?

Hello and good day to all,

Thanks for taking the time to read my post.

If a woman is charged with domestic violence, admits to it, is released and decides vengeance is the only way, they begin to make custody and access as difficult as possible, and has only revenge in mind! (now i know that it depends on the severity of the violence, lets just say it was a lot yelling, and punching)

How likely is she to win full custody? What would you recommend the man ask for? Why?

Usually there is a no contact order, each parent has equal rights if there is no separation or agreement, so what should the man do to gain access to his kids? If he is denied, what should he do then?

What should a man do to prepare for a possible future custody battle and separation case?

Should the man include the fact that she was charged, or leave it out to maintain the peace? (I know if it was a women with the ammo, most would load that bullet and pull the trigger!)

What recommendations should he ask for? i.e. mediation (if they separate), counseling, etc....

Does anyone have any experience with this situation, who would take the time to share?

I just see a lot of posts on men as the domestic abusers and I know there are women who fall into that category unfortunately.

Thanks for your time, I look forward to the responses.


Last edited by JustADad; 02-22-2010 at 10:38 AM. Reason: structure and wording
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Old 02-22-2010, 02:53 PM
singledad99 singledad99 is offline
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Responding to your other post first, don't ever walk away from your children no matter how hard it is for you to stay. Think about your children first who have no choice, no powers and no say in all of this. Get help for yourself. Stay focused. Talk to your family, friends and even colleagues. If you don't have a lawyer, get one. If you don't have money for the lawyer, you may qualify for the legal aid. What I mean by all of this is that don't give up on your children as they need you now more than ever before.

You need to bring an emergency motion to get custody of of your children. Contact the police to get copy of the police report. Get affidavits from the witnesses as well. There is a good chance you will get interim custody right away. Also ask for exclusive possession of the matrimonial home, if applicable.

Good luck to you and your children.
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Old 02-22-2010, 08:50 PM
JustADad JustADad is offline
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Thanks for the reply, the game has gotten nasty for my brother, I feel so bad for him.

Here are the facts and history:
  • Brother went back to school to better the family, works part time on the weekends. Wife in and out of jobs, steady work for the last 8 months. Finished in February, but has to go back in March for 3 weeks further training. Hence this affects his job search.
  • Married 5 years.
  • Pays child support for a child outside of the relationship.
  • Has a 4 year old with wife and just found out his wife is on the way with another.
  • Father-in-law takes care of mother-in-law as she has advanced dementia.
  • Marriage was on the rocks due to in-laws moving in and money issues since August, emails and texts to attest to it.
  • She was constantly at him for years with accusations of cheating with any girl who looked at him. Gone as far as driving by his work at night, calling friends and family to see where he is, calling work and hanging up, and created fake email accounts to pretend she was another girl to see if he would respond.
  • On the night of the incident my brother told the police not to arrest her, he just wanted to report the 4 minutes of punches that he took, while trying to shield his son who was sleeping beside him. He didn't know about the zero tolerance rule.
  • She drained their joint account and his personal account and closed their joint account.
  • She states she will say he cheated, and has threatened to ruin his life, harm him and accuse him of molesting his niece to get her way.
  • 4 year old in school week 1- Mon, Wed, Fri. Week-2, Mon, Wed.
His wife was charged with assault Feb 9th, she had no where to go as his in laws lived there, He could have stayed and told her find somewhere (which in hind sight he should have done) But he went to stay at my parents due to her no contact with him order.
The first few days his son stayed with him! Then on the fourth day she picked him up and during the day and dropped him off at night as she works nights Thursday to Sunday. So for the first week he saw him everyday.

That was fine until Monday night when she wanted him to pick 2 or 3 days a week to see him all of a sudden after he called. She stated she wanted to wait to see what CFS had to say on Wednesday then she would bring him. She never did. CFS told him they are both considered equal parents and need to put his son first. They had always agreed on verbal 50/50 liberal custody, He has a couple text messages supporting this.
This past Thursday He picked up his son while his wife was at work and has not seen him since then.
He has had our mom call everyday to ask to see him and everyday there is an excuse. Last night he emailed her and she called my mom to tell him that she'll drop him off on Wednesday he can keep him until Friday and then next week he will get him Wed afternoon to Thursday Night due to schooling.

He has pointed out that her father will not be able to watch him properly as he has to care for her mother whilst she is at work, and he would gladly pick him up for the night and drop him off in the afternoon for her to spend time with him before she goes and then pick him up again for the night.
He also offered that from Thursday evening to Monday morning he could watch their son and she can pick him up from school Monday evening and have him until Thursday evening.

They are selling their house, and she after all this got a place 30 minutes away in another town. My brother was kind to let her go back but I think it's too late to file that motion and now its too late to change his mistake. His only out looks like the military, or leaving, he is so sad...he misses his son so much! I love my bro and don't want him to leave but it looks bad.

Any advice, tips, even criticism is welcomed. Thanks for reading my post, i apologize for its length.

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