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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 09-29-2009, 03:52 PM
oakley oakley is offline
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Angry Desparate to leave Matrimonal Home, what are my rights???HELP ME

Hi I am going through hell with my ex wife, we separated 22 months ago, but we are still living in the same house. She lives in the main house upstairs and I live in the basement apartment. We bought the home with money lent to us by my parents and then we had renovated the house using money lent by my parents. My parents did do legitimate, registered morgages for the full amounts. After or separation my ex wife doesn't want to sell the home and doesn't want to pay my parents back their money ou tof the sale of the home. She is delaying it by saying that it was a gift but it wasn't and I want to sell the home, give my parents thier money and my ex and I split the rest 50/50. which works out to be apprx. $200,000.00 each. But my ex wife wants to get more and give my parents less back. She has been playing games for 2 years wasting time with meeting between lawyers etc. saying that she wants to sell the house, but then the lawyers draw up papers and she doesn't want to settle anymore instead wants to take me to court for more money because she thinks my parents have money. Living it the basement with her upstairs is intolerable, I can't trust her she has called the police with lies trying to get me arrested and she continues to try and provoke me so she can call the police.
My question is this if she refuses to sell and wants to fight and I want to sell but she doesn't, and I really would love to move out of the home, will I loose the home or any rights to it?? And once I move out can she live there as long as she wants without wanting to come to a selling agreement??? The house is to large and expensive for her she could never afford it. Right now she pays the hydro, water and gas, which is about 4 or 5 thousand a year and I pay the property taxes of $10000.00 per year. If I move out would she have to pay for it all and I just pay child support???
I am really scared that if I move out then she will never leave the house, my 12 yr old son even wants to sell the house. I am so messed up from all the stress, hell and games she is playing with me, I hate my life, I really feel like killing myself, and my ex even dragged my poor widow mother into this fight with the house. My mother has to do a civil suit against both of us to get her money out but my ex still refuses to sell.
What are my rights when it comes to moving out but still have a say with the house, someone told me if I move out she has full control. Is it true??
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Old 09-29-2009, 07:34 PM
FreeNow FreeNow is offline
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If you move out and leave her with the kids, you will be at a disadvantage with regards to custody.
If the mortgages are properly drawn up then you won't lose on equalization. The split is the value of the home less mortgages divided by two.
You may have to go to court to have a judge order that the house be sold. As it stands now you each have the right to posession of the matrimonial home i.e. the right to stay in it.

FN
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Old 09-29-2009, 08:17 PM
Stargate Stargate is offline
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File for divorce from your wife. The house will get sold by Court Order during the equalization of assets. Only a Court Order will force her to sell it. And move out of the house, get your own place and ask the Court in the divorce papers for access to your children.
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Old 09-29-2009, 11:09 PM
FreeNow FreeNow is offline
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Stay in the house until you get everything that Stargate said.(which is pretty much what I said).

FN

Last edited by FreeNow; 09-29-2009 at 11:14 PM.
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Old 09-30-2009, 07:41 AM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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if your parents have registered mortagages against the place then she is SOL trying to say it was a gift. Who goes through the hassles of registering a mortgage for a gift?? All she is trying to do is hold on as long as possible to the life she is accustomed to and she doesn't seem to care who she hurts , be it you, your widowed mother (although I am confused about that since you keep saying paying your parents back) and your son.
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Old 09-30-2009, 11:35 PM
midnightvampyr midnightvampyr is offline
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Default Stay - get a good lawyer...

file for a legal separation first.....you both have rights to the matrimonial home unfortunately....this will be settled through the division of assets through negotiation or court....if you leave, you will still be responsible for 50% of the debt and possibly child support/spousal support as well....so stay until the house is sold....
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Old 10-01-2009, 02:21 AM
catchison catchison is offline
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This may be really hard to do, but try to live your life from the comfort of your home, make sure you write down every thing she does in a book, outlining her attempts to have you charged with frivolous things etc. This can be used in court to show that she is playing games. By staying you ensure that she has less chance of forcing you to pay for her to stay in the "manner to which she has become accustomed" I would think that your parents can call the loan, which would force the sale of the house. At any rate a decent lawyer should be able to help you through this. Make sure you are fully aware of something called the spousal support guidelines, as this is what the judges are using to assess settlements these days. If you make more than she does, then be aware that you will have to pay support based on this on top of child support unless you quit your job prior to the separation. It might be a good time to go looking for a new job or have your employer lay you off before a separation is made legal. No lawyer will coach you to do this, however, I have seen the train wrecks of men who get taken to the cleaners and it sounds like you are going down that track. Perhaps putting a financial spreadsheet showing the reality of life finances after divorce might convince her that divorcing couples end up far worse off financially than those who stay together. The other option is to make every effort to put your marriage back together again if possible. You did love her once. Good luck.
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Old 10-06-2009, 02:23 PM
RichFF RichFF is offline
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Oakley,

There has been some great advice on the legal side of things. I certainely have been where you are and it is very emotionally draining. I would suggest chatting with a councillor (does your work have EAP - free support). I wouldn't do it for the longest time but then went and talked it out. It made a big difference and turned the corner for me. I stood up for my rights and those of my kids.. she tried every trick in the book.. still does.. but now I don't let her knock me down. You can and will get through this. You just need some help right now.. its hard .. but with help its very doable..
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