Ottawa Divorce .com Forums

User CP

New posts


  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce Support

Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

Closed Thread
Thread Tools
Old 02-10-2009, 03:50 AM
Scraps Scraps is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2
Scraps is on a distinguished road
Default He cheated three times...He's out!

My husband and I have been married for a year and three months. He's cheated on me three times, that I know of. We saw a marriage counselor. We took counsel from our preacher. And yet he still cheated again, this time with a transexual (woman with male part) among the other women. I don't see how he got anyone else to sleep with him. He had to of paid them. I feel so betrayed. When I found out, I woke him up and, without yelling, asked him why. What he did this time was got online and was looking at porn and at these women on webcams. I asked him if he ever talked to any of them and he said he didn't remember. I asked him if he ever met with any of them. Same response. How the heck do you not remember? I do know he definitely at least made contact with them because the idiot didn't delete his browsing history and one of the pages was a message box, like the one on myspace. He did finally tell me he did cheat, he didn't see anything wrong with it, and he didn't care how much he hurt me. We were friends for 8 years before we got married, best friends for about 5 of those, or so I thought.

He held himself up in our house today and was threatening to kill himself. The cops came and took him to the mental health facility. I'm the one that's the victim here, and he's getting all the freaking attention as usual. Such a drama queen. I'm trying to be adult about this, but I can't help it. I'm pissed.
Old 02-10-2009, 10:36 AM
yearsgone yearsgone is offline
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 86
yearsgone is on a distinguished road

I'm sorry for what you are going through. Do you have any children? If you have any family near, now is the time to call on them for the emotional support you need.
Old 02-10-2009, 10:54 AM
billm's Avatar
billm billm is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,431
billm is on a distinguished road

I assume you don't have kids, I hope you don't. Just reading the family issues here should convince you to end your marriage officially (he already has morally ended the marriage with his actions).

Do not consider moving forward with him, having kids with someone like him would be a life time sentence of problems for you and your future kids.

He is seriously ill it seems, and does need some professional help. If you can, honour your marriage vow and help him to get better if you are strong enough and will not involve yourself with him as a spouse again. First though, make sure you can do this without destroying yourself. Your marrige is over, please accept this.

I encourage you to continue being the adult, be clear, consistent, and fair and in the end you will survive this experience with your sanity and self respect.

I am sorry you are in this situation, things will get better (I used to hate it when people told me that!). To thine own self be true!

There are a lot of people here that can help you both legally and emotionally.
Old 02-10-2009, 06:15 PM
Scraps Scraps is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2
Scraps is on a distinguished road

No, we don't have kids. That's one thing I'm pissed about and grateful for at the same time. I wasted my one opportunity to have kids on him, but I'm glad we don't have any because I wouldn't want them to be caught in the middle. I went to the doctor today to get tested for STDs. God knows what he's given me.
Old 02-10-2009, 07:49 PM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Kitchener Ontario
Posts: 5,264
standing on the sidelines is on a distinguished road

I do not blame you for being pissed. One time there is still a chance, twice not so much, three times chuck the cheater out the door.
Old 02-11-2009, 01:45 AM
dadtotheend's Avatar
dadtotheend dadtotheend is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,644
dadtotheend will become famous soon enoughdadtotheend will become famous soon enough

Sorry for the perhaps politically incorrect comment here, but one that most everyone has to have been thinking about...

Three times is enough to get caught, especially after such a short marriage, but to have your ex cheat on you with a tranny....??? Yikes!!! Gross!!!

I'd be po'ed too.
Old 10-05-2010, 11:03 PM
rustedinnocence's Avatar
rustedinnocence rustedinnocence is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Southwestern Ontario
Posts: 156
rustedinnocence is on a distinguished road

have you ever read anything about sexual addiction?
many people laugh about it, but it is a real thing and it destroys marriages, couples, lives...
it is a serious addiction and a deadly one... especially for the spouse of the addict.
I am just recently out of a relationship as such... he was also a certified narsicist.... hard to deal with , let me tell you.
prepare yourself for what you will find if you keep looking. a word of advise, now that you know he's a cheat, get out and stop looking for things. I got sick the first time i found out my ex was with other men, with trannies, with women, couples, orgies, sex parties, etc...
sexual addiction is real and thriving. i did the councelling, the supporting, the trying to help him help himself... found out after the fact that every night he was suppose to be going to SAA meetings (like aa meeting but for sex addicts) he was actually going to visit a guy that would take care of him sexually... week after week after week.. and i sat at home thinking he was at meetings... he'd even come home and tell me about the 'so called' meeting he was at.
they are GREAT lyers and it never ends... stay strong and move on... you are worth it! good luck... it's hard getting past the betrayal and finding ways to trust again...
Old 10-06-2010, 07:41 AM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Kitchener Ontario
Posts: 5,264
standing on the sidelines is on a distinguished road

not trying to diminish the whole situation but there was one thing in the OP that made me chuckle,

"I don't see how he got anyone else to sleep with him. He had to of paid them."

She married the guy and slept with him, so I kinda wonder why? If he is that horrible looking, or whatever, what did she see in him to marry him and why wouldn't other people see the same thing?
Old 10-06-2010, 10:57 AM
rwm1273's Avatar
rwm1273 rwm1273 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Alberta, but would rather be in Africa.
Posts: 518
rwm1273 is an unknown quantity at this point

As sad as your situation is, there is something bright about it. You can cut your losses, get divorced, and never have to deal with him again. No kids makes it easy to get on with your life, and find the right person.
Closed Thread

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Am I being greedy or just doing what I have to? lostinlove Divorce Support 20 10-07-2010 10:31 PM

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:23 PM.