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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 01-03-2006, 03:57 PM
CatvsLion CatvsLion is offline
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Default Uplifting Update on my situation

Well I could be wishful thinking again and writing this prematurally... but my x has said she's willing to agree to Joint Custody now! This is after a year and a half of flat out not even considering it only to tell me she was like this to push me away as she still loved me but couldn't be with me. Then I think some closer came into play over the last few weeks and she had an awakening on what was happening. Hopefully we can finally settle this thing now - without the court (which is still scheduled to take place in 3 weeks) (I won't be cancelling that until it's confirmed and signed). Anyway, I'm suppose to go over the draft agreement tonight - so wish me luck!

To all who find it hard - stick with it and remember you're doing it for your kids and to have both parents in their life.

I posted this poem in another thread but it says it all I think. (that's why I wrote it

Mommy,

I hear your pain
Crying down like rain
You keep it in your clouds
It all must be so loud

It's not my fault
Don't put it on me
Please put all this to a hault
And let it all just be

I don't want to be involved
I just want to be enthrolled
By both you and by daddy
We can still be so happy

I understand you can't be with him
Please, understand he's like one of my limbs
Don't cut him off because of how you feel
Let me decide as I too would heal

He loves you for being my mother
There will be no other
I won't go anywhere
As none of that seems fair

To fight over me is not the answer
To fight for me is not the best
Lets come together before the cancer
Eating us apart from the stress

We all will suffer a little
Who's to say who's more brittle
Let us be together forever
Even if we're never together

We all share something
That something is me
So please let it all be
Lets be somewhat of a family
  #2  
Old 01-03-2006, 04:27 PM
logicalvelocity logicalvelocity is offline
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Catsvlion,

I am a firm believer in joint shared custody regimes. Kudos to you and your ex to get beyond the anger and acrimony and focus on the child. Your child will thrive with the support of both parents in its life. This is the best gift you can give a child.
  #3  
Old 01-03-2006, 05:51 PM
bearall bearall is offline
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Default Cat vs Lion

great news!!! Is it joint legal custody or the full joint and shared
I loved your poem and could feel the pain.
Hear is one of mine

Jenaya's Smile

I came across something not seen in a while
That something was a snapshot of my Jenaya's smile
It's etched forever in my heart and tatooed on my brain
A fleeting glimpse of joyfulness; I yearn to see again

I knew she loved me; I knew it from the start
I never thought she'd be kept from me in a family torn apart

Her smile was like a rainbow turned upside down
Sunlight thru the window on her inverted frown
It bounced around the room,flying here and there
I knew in an instant that smile was meant to share

It was like a big balloon,that popped in the air
Filled with tiny sparkles, that landed everywhere
All the children in the room just had to stop and stare
At this spectacle of wonder like at a county fair

Tears would then fall down my face,too much for me to take
A waterfall of saltiness,enough to fill a lake
Quickly,I had to look away from this stunning show of glee
Cuz it was spreading rapidly beyond just her and me

She unlocked that smile and happily set it free
Yes time, it stood still for an.. eternity
This fleeting show of happiness,my little girl just had
Was caused by nothing other than.....a visit from her Dad!!!
  #4  
Old 01-03-2006, 08:06 PM
Grace Grace is offline
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Great Poems!!!

CatvsLion,

That is fantastic news. I hope all goes well for you tonight.

Keep up posted.
  #5  
Old 01-03-2006, 09:50 PM
FPI FPI is offline
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Default Great poems

Loved reading the poems. It brought tears to my eyes. I miss my kids so much.
www.theinterviewwithgod.com this site might bring some more light into your eyes. Hit presentation when you get to site.
  #6  
Old 01-04-2006, 08:40 AM
CatvsLion CatvsLion is offline
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Great poem bearvsall!

Well last night went well, she did indeed agree to joint custody. For now it's just legal custody and it's a start in the right direction. I still get my tues & thurs and every other weekend. When the lawyers were out of the picture before, I got to see my daughter a lot more then just those days - so I'm hoping it'll be the same.

The only fall back is she sent me an email this morning saying that she wanted it written in - that if my daughter shows anxiety when I pick her up and doesn't want to go with me, she doesn't have to go with me, or she won't sign it. How can I word this... as I know kids don't want to go sometimes with their parents and right now my daughter is showing more anxiety leaving her mom when I pick her up from her mom's place. If she's dropped off or if I pick her up somewhere else she's fine. Maybe I answered my own question there

There was also another stipulation of my girlfriend not spending the night when my daughter is there until she sleeps in her own bed throughout the night. (right now she crawls into my bed at 5 or 6am for an extra hour or two sleep) - this one I agreed to - although it caused some problems with my g/f.

The other thing I have to deal with is that my x now tells me how much she wants me back and wants to try to work things out - it's a tough situation to deal with after a year and a half of being forced to move on and finding someone else that makes you happy because the x contstanly pushed you away and said and did others things to make you think differently.

Anyhow, now I just have to hurry to get this thing signed before something happens to possibly change her mind once again... just have to figure out the wording on that stipulation of anxiety in the transition... any help?
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Old 01-04-2006, 09:46 AM
Grace Grace is offline
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CatvsLion,

I'd be very careful how that was written. In fact I think if it was me it would be a deal breaker. How do you define anxiety for a young child. You may go pick her up from Mom's and she doesnt want to go because her favourite TV show is on.

Have you considered 3 party drop offs and pick ups. i.e. You pick her up from daycare in the evening then drop her off the following morning?
  #8  
Old 01-04-2006, 09:54 AM
CatvsLion CatvsLion is offline
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That's what I was thinking as well (about the deal breaker) as I completly agree... sometimes I pick her up and she has one of her videos on and I have to stay until it's over and she still gets upset about leaving. On some occasions her mom will then offer to drop her off at my place. The 3rd party drop off will be the majority of the time from now on. (My x was on stress leave for 2 months which hightened the anxiety and also made me pick up from her residence all the time - she's now going back to work which means I'll be picking my daughter up at daycare 90% of the time).

Well this is the wording I was thinking of:
*
The Mother & Father shall make an effort to exercise (daughter's name)'s time with both her parents, including transportation to the other parents residence if necessary. In the event that (daughter's name) shows extreme anxiety on such occasions the parties agree to postone the access.
*
Basically if my daughter doesn't want to go with me then my x drives her to my place and if she still gets really upset then we try again later. This stipulation was raised by her because my daughter has become extreamly clingy to her mom since she's been off. She's also showing more anxiety since being re-introduced to her daycare.

I don't agree to this stipulation but I want this finished....
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Old 01-04-2006, 04:17 PM
Grace Grace is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CatvsLion
Well this is the wording I was thinking of:
*
The Mother & Father shall make an effort to exercise (daughter's name)'s time with both her parents, including transportation to the other parents residence if necessary. In the event that (daughter's name) shows extreme anxiety on such occasions the parties agree to postone the access.
*
What about adding this: The parties will be expected to resolve access issues on an ad hoc basis. If the arrangements do not work out, either party retains the right to seek court-ordered arrangements.

I hope you are going to have a lawyer go over the agreement before you sign it.
  #10  
Old 01-04-2006, 08:04 PM
logicalvelocity logicalvelocity is offline
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Catsvlion,

I wouldn't sign anything with an anxiety clause in it. If the child had anxiety about going to school, would the mother keep the child from school. This certainly is not in the child's best interest.

A primary caregiver has so much influence over a child and its feelings.

The other clause I would not agree too is in to regards to your gf. If your gf is no harm to your child then why the clause. If you agree to it you are basically agreeing that there is a problem with your gf around your child.

Remember the onus is on your ex to prove that it is not in the child's best interest for your child to be around your gf.

What if you married this gf. Does this mean you will not be allowed to have a relationship with your daughter.

Sounds like your ex is controlling and is using the child to control you.
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