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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 01-11-2007, 10:22 AM
independentgal independentgal is offline
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Default Serious concerns with ex's lack of care of son

I have been separated for two years. I have primary physical custody of our 6 year old son. I have him every day except for Friday at 6pm-Sunday 6pm every OTHER weekend when his dad has him.

When we were married, my ex refused to obey child safety laws by laying him down on truck seat and driving when he was a baby. I pleaded, begged, yelled, cried to no avail, my ex was not going to listen. He would not feed our son, nor bathe him etc. He would smoke in the vehicles with our son from infancy when I was not there. He has refused to stop putting our son on a large riding lawnmower(blades running!!!!) by Himself since he was 4 years old. I have received phone calls from concerned neighbours twice who happened to witness this. My ex denied it once and the other time he told my son to tell me to mind my own business. He exposed/exposes our son to second hand smoke constantly despite the physician's and my recommendation. He has physically abused our son in anger before we separated and after. He refused to sign a permission to counsel form for our son to receive counselling for three months as he disagreed with it. My lawyer insisted he sign it finally. I had a no-contact peace bond for one year that ended in the fall due to him assaulting me. I have just moved to another area to try to start my life over.

I cannot bring up issues with my ex re: son's wellbeing because he refuses to acknowledge.

Last weekend my son came home from 4 days with his dad and told me many concerning things.

1-he shares a bed with his dad every night he goes there-his dad did not have a bed for him for two months-since bought a bed but my son hasn't slept in it yet. I think it is very inappropriate for a grown man to share a bed with his son every night despite having alternatives.

2- My son is never fed properly- only 1 meal a day, dry cereal and pop and bread were the only things he ate except one meal at his grandmas- every weekend he comes home and promptly eats an unusually large meal.

3-that he brushed his teeth only once in four days and had one shower in 4 days, only once changed his clothes in 4 days-

4-has our son sit in front seat of his vehicle which clearly has a back seat despite my requests- our son is below both the weight and height requirements for sitting in front.

When I was in counselling for my ex's abuse when we were married, I mentioned concerns to counsellor similar to above. I was told that I would be considered to be just as guilty as I ALLOWED this to happen and the Children's Aid would intervene. I was told not to allow this to happen or I could be in trouble with the childrens aid as well as my ex.

I am not happy with the situation at all. I want to contact the Children's Aid with my concerns. Do I call my ex one more time and tell him my concerns, that if he cannot promise me that the above problems will never occur again, I would be forced to restrict my son's access from him due to his wellbeing?

If he verbally refuses to take care of our son properly, do I contact the Children's Aid with my concerns? My son is to go to his dad's two weekends from now and I want some resolution to this.

Does anyone have any advice?
Old 01-11-2007, 06:00 PM
logicalvelocity logicalvelocity is offline
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If it was me, I would bring forth an action with the court to vary the child's current access regime to one that is supervised. I would line up the neighbors that called you and have them complete a sworn affidavit of the incidents they observed involving the care of your child. Perhaps the individual parent may learn to appreciate that access is the right of the child and safety of children is paramount.

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