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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #1  
Old 11-24-2005, 01:13 PM
Chopper Chopper is offline
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Default Looking For Advise To Save My Marriage!

Has anyone read these "Save you Marriage" Ebooks?

Has anyone know of the best one out thier?

My wife just recently told my that she is leaving me on Dec 1st. We have too small boys and I love her very much. I believe alot of the problems we have experienced in our 11 year relationship have been my fault. I've alway had a problem communicating at times and especially times there is alot of stress. When every we argue I always seem to get on the defensive and never really actually listen to her heart. We been close to this stage in our relationship before but never to the point she was leaving me and taking the kids.

I truely believes she loves me and wants the best. It just she unhappy about the cycle or relationship alway seems to take.

Does any body out there think that in times of seperation that one can rebuild his outlook and work hard from one behalf to learn the proper methods of communication. I've never persued this type of help....actually I've never persued any type of help. The way it looks right now I would be the only one working at this. She is a very beautiful person and I would really like to spend the rest of my life with her....but now its come to this and god I hurt so bad. Does anyone out there think there is a chance even if she feels it beyond the point of staying and getting counceling? Anyones advise and experience would be greatly appreciated.

Am I really to late?

Can I change her mind?

Last edited by Jeff; 11-27-2005 at 08:24 PM.
  #2  
Old 11-24-2005, 11:15 PM
logicalvelocity logicalvelocity is offline
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Chopper,

If you love her, and she still loves you then yes defintely there is hope to save your marriage. Counselling is a great idea for both you and her and is worthwhile to save your relationship and marriage. Have you suggested this to your wife?

It will take a strong committed effort by you and your wife to be successful in saving your realtionship.

A lot of employers have EAP plans available to employees and this counselling service would be free if available.
  #3  
Old 11-25-2005, 08:13 AM
Chopper Chopper is offline
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Do you know anything about the books like "stop your divorce"?

She is still leaving and very reluctant to go to councelling.

I've seen a number of these ebooks and they all say they are for use if only one member wants to keep the relationship together.

She seems like she is looking forward to moving out and I have a gut feeling alot of this emotion from her has been generated from her friends and family.

I have been doing some reading on divorce and I certainly feel she doesn't totally understand how a divorce greatly affects in my case four peoples lifes.

Alot of what I read is that most people move on in hopes to find a better life and things will just get better when they leave or separate but in time learn that it usually makes their situation worse. I also read alot about the long term damage and situations and alot of people experience because at the time of wanting to separate they are never clear that this decision will live with them for the rest of there life....they will never really be rid of the other person as long as both parents want to be with the children.

These stop your divorce books appear to be intrigueing for the very fact only one person in the relationship can work on it even thought the other has left.......I honestly think my wife hasn't thought it out.....she says she has been trying to make this decision for a long time but all the while I feel its toxic advise from close friends maybe family. I can understand they are trying to support her but again I don't think they really know the whole situation.....just negative comments out of spite for something I said to hurt them....god I wish I wasn't in this situation.

Last edited by Jeff; 11-27-2005 at 08:25 PM.
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Old 11-25-2005, 12:11 PM
abigail abigail is offline
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Default Stop divorce

I would suggest some frank, honest evaluations of yourself and her. Why does she want a divorce? Maybe after you understand more, you will want to get a divorce from her.
  #5  
Old 12-02-2005, 09:23 AM
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hubby hubby is offline
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Default Suggested readings

I have found these materials to be very helpful for me to understand what has happened.


Keep your Marriage at www.keepyourmarriage.com - excellent PDF. Explains what is going on, the emotional aspects and things you can do.

Love Busters book from Amazon. Excellent book explaining why relationships fail and what to do. Interestingly wife is reluctant to go to counselling and she has began to read the book, I pray that it will do some good for us.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage work by John Gottman at Amazon. Another EXCELLENT book explaining the breakdown.

The above two books alone can help you to save your marriage or at least prepare you to enjoy the next relationshiop without consciously making the same mistakes that would lead to it's eventual breakdown.

Marriage Fitness at Amazon I believe. Not bad, but really good for couples that are strugging and willing to try. They have a lone ranger track whereby one spouse can do the work on their own ... some pretty good stuff.

I know this can help you, if not now, definately in your life going forward.

Hubby
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Old 12-03-2005, 09:25 PM
Julie Julie is offline
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I find it strange that she said she is "leaving on Dec 1st"
Most people do not set a date to leave.. I find it strange, does anyone else?
Maybe it's just me
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Old 12-04-2005, 09:05 AM
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Maybe she rented/purchased a new place for the first of the month and she has been planning this for some time. I'd rather be warned then come home to an empty house.
  #8  
Old 12-05-2005, 04:40 PM
Chopper Chopper is offline
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Default Hurt

She told me it was because she rented a place for Dec 1st.

Its now Dec 5th and I feel like hell.

This is the worst feeling in the world. My wife has no idea how bad I hurt. She probably never will.

I hope she finds some one that will love her as much as I do.......I still love her and my two boys and I only want the best for them......

I need desperately to remain a part of my kids life at the very least.....I hope in time that will never be taken from me as well.
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Old 12-05-2005, 06:09 PM
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I know it's hard to imagine right now, but time does help heal a broken heart.

Stay strong for the children's sake.
  #10  
Old 12-09-2005, 09:31 PM
lpstong lpstong is offline
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Feeling hurt is normal process of seperation. It will take time for it to heal. You will be able to see your children. Always work in the realm of the law. And maybe find a support group to help walk you through this issue. I feel for you and understand your feelings. I would be upset if my spouse was not honest with me. I hope things will work out for you.
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