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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #21  
Old 12-26-2017, 12:49 PM
ifonlyihadknown ifonlyihadknown is offline
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The subject of your post is like a red flag in front of a bull for many of us paying piles of SS.

... but no harm done.

Before you deal with the amount of any SSAG, you have to look at whether you have any entitlement to it. I believe (it's been a while) that the SSAG discusses this quite a bit. In your case, there are likely no hard and fast rules so it basically comes down to whether you sacrificed your career for the family or if you have a need.

Since you're making $100K, you don't have a need.

As far as having sacrificed, you mentioned that you took a year off (per child?) and didn't get a promotion. Sure, there is a sacrifice but it doesn't look very clear cut to me. Others (military spouses, foreign affairs spouses) have moved every few years for decades and completely gave up any hope of a career.

It sounds like you're still in pain, shock and grieving over the whole situation. As long as you can keep things stable and loving for the kids, you probably don't have to rush through things. If you can, take your time, talk to friends & family, get some counselling, join some "newly divorced" groups. Take care of yourself and it will help both you and your children more than anything else. Children are very resilient but will take cues from you and your STBX.

It's a dark time but gets better with time. Good luck and best wishes.
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  #22  
Old 12-27-2017, 11:26 AM
whyme? whyme? is offline
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sorry to hear about your situation. it's not easy but your kids will get through this just fine. They're extremely resilient and adapt to new realities - often easier than their parents. I would second the advice that don't steadfastly hold on to the idea that the house needs to stay the same...moving to a new place can be great for kids and a destresser financially.

good luck
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  #23  
Old 12-27-2017, 04:36 PM
failed@life failed@life is offline
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Nothing creates more long term animosity (possibly to the extreme) in a divorce than alimony, especially in a case like yours. What you do is up to you of course, but be aware of that...
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  #24  
Old 12-28-2017, 12:34 AM
piggybanktoex piggybanktoex is offline
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I know I begrudge every cent that I have to pay to another grown-up adult.

Money for the kids, no problem, but sports car and travel money.....total BS.
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  #25  
Old 12-28-2017, 02:13 PM
paris paris is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by piggybanktoex View Post
I know I begrudge every cent that I have to pay to another grown-up adult.

Money for the kids, no problem, but sports car and travel money.....total BS.
Same. SS and CS was done and gone for my husband. But then for awhile we paid cell phone bill (on our plan) for his youngest daughter (22) when she couldn't. When she started working full time, he asked her to start paying her share of the bill again. She said she couldn't because she was helping her Mom. That just made him fell like he was paying SS again. He told D22 to go get her own cell phone plan.
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  #26  
Old 01-02-2018, 03:51 PM
DivorceSucksCanada DivorceSucksCanada is offline
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The children have not been told yet. I wanted to try and have some solutions for them before they were told. It is getting worse every day for us and I hope we can work things out before getting lawyers all over it.

If I am not entitled to SS that is fine. I just wanted to be aware of my options potentially. STBX has already started to talk about the new car he is going to be buying! He has wanted a sports car for years so I expect he will be getting one when this is done. My priority will be my kids and their future and our current state.

I will take note of things like activities, benefits and such. I know those can change with something like a job loss which can always happen which is a worry.

Thank you for the advice and words of comfort in regards to kids and how they deal. I have had many sleepless nights worried about the situation and the fact I can't prevent it even though in a heartbeat I would try to fix it if I was given the option. I would give up any happiness I might have to ensure my kids and husband were happy. I live (and have lived) for my family and would never wish any of this upon anyone. It is a nightmare I can't get out of and am trying to make it through each day.
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  #27  
Old 01-02-2018, 03:58 PM
ifonlyihadknown ifonlyihadknown is offline
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Any good family law lawyer should willing to talk with you for 20-30 minutes for free to give you an idea of what you may be entitled to. They've seen hundreds of cases and should have a good idea how things would likely turn out if you ended up in court. If you can, speak to 2 or 3 to find one who you get along with, feel comfortable with, and has a compatible approach to you. No need to get them to do anything at this stage.

If you have an idea of what you are legally able to get you can then decide what is best for you, whether it is worth fighting for, and to start to pick up the pieces and move on to a better future.
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  #28  
Old 01-02-2018, 05:10 PM
piggybanktoex piggybanktoex is offline
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And let's not get caught up in the sports car thing.......Dads worry about bills, kids, school, and everything else a woman thinks about too.

Actually it was my ex who bought the sports car while adding NOTHING to the financials needed for the kids.

I alone provided all the $$ needed for the kids activities, schooling, and dental, oh, and support payments.
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  #29  
Old 01-03-2018, 09:06 PM
Links17 Links17 is offline
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I don't think it's worth it. All the other posters here are flipping out like alimony doesn't happen.

100 - 150k + offset child support, ur incomes will be similar. It will be harder as you are 1 income not 2 but unless you're a woman and generally women marry up and can expect men to pay towards their expenses. Current social structures generally (especially if you're good looking),

As for the whole divorce, you might have not watned the divorce but you need to embrace it. You get to be single 50% of the time, go sleep around the weeks you don't have the kids, go on some adventures....
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  #30  
Old 01-08-2018, 05:59 AM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DivorceSucksCanada View Post
The children have not been told yet. I wanted to try and have some solutions for them before they were told. It is getting worse every day for us and I hope we can work things out before getting lawyers all over it.

If I am not entitled to SS that is fine. I just wanted to be aware of my options potentially. STBX has already started to talk about the new car he is going to be buying! He has wanted a sports car for years so I expect he will be getting one when this is done. My priority will be my kids and their future and our current state.

I will take note of things like activities, benefits and such. I know those can change with something like a job loss which can always happen which is a worry.

Thank you for the advice and words of comfort in regards to kids and how they deal. I have had many sleepless nights worried about the situation and the fact I can't prevent it even though in a heartbeat I would try to fix it if I was given the option. I would give up any happiness I might have to ensure my kids and husband were happy. I live (and have lived) for my family and would never wish any of this upon anyone. It is a nightmare I can't get out of and am trying to make it through each day.
I know it looks bad right now but believe me, divorce can be a blessing. There's no doubt that getting through the process is tough though.

Is there any chance that you might be able to reduce expenses by just moving into a smaller house in the same area? I did that and it did help to keep the youngest in the same school and around the same friends.

My advice...go step by step. Figure out the easiest way to split assets with the least involvement of lawyers. For instance, I've known people that have spent 40-50k to get 10k a year in termed SS. Sometimes its just easier to save your assets and make a reasonable settlement deal with your stbx.

And take care of you...vent to friends, get lots of sleep, take walks, start planning your new life and think about what you might be gaining rather than what you might be losing. Best wishes.
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