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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #1  
Old 06-01-2016, 10:38 AM
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LovingFather32 LovingFather32 is offline
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Default Need a boost

Good day ODF'ers

Just a quick post today as I guess I'm a bit heavy hearted.

D4 has her big kindergarten concert today. She was practicing all night with us last night (which was her b-day BTW). :-)

She kept asking why I couldn't come. Since I'm scribing for special needs students right now for EQAO (and yes I'm on a little break right now S&T)..lol....there's simply no way I can get time off even if I wanted to. The students need me.

D4 asks why mommy gets to go to all the field trips, attend her concerts, etc. In my head I'm saying "she refuses to work ... most ppl in this world work unless they are unable to". Out loud I let her know that I wish I could be there but the she's so lucky that mom can go and that Im very proud of her".

If you recall my past posts I knew that these kindergarten concerts, etc would be fantastic experiences for her...and they are. It's just ironic to me how I spent countless hours and money to allow these opportunities while my ex fought it ... yet she still gets to be the champion attending the event.

I know what many will say ... D4's lucky to have one parent going, etc ... and I certainly don't want to come off as whiney. I think most parents in my situation would feel the same if their child was asking why they couldn't attend and the other one could. Guess I'm just a tad jealous that ex is reaping the benefits of all my hard work in court.

In the end I'll chalk it up as "it's not about me ... at least she has her mom to watch". I'll be off to impute income soon anyways. Paying full table CS with 50/50 while paying most things for D4 has not been easy financially. But having that 50/50 ... priceless.

Anybody have similar experiences?

Last edited by LovingFather32; 06-01-2016 at 10:46 AM.
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Old 06-01-2016, 12:12 PM
dinkyface dinkyface is offline
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Yep. Full support, 41/59 time. Got a 9-5 job, unable to attend all those daytime events. While her mom is self-employed, making at most 16K (2015 NOA shows less than $5K) and can come to all events. I agree it is hard not to rant to D9 about her mom's choices/reality, and of course D9 is so proud that mom is the boss of everyone in her company (um, there is no one else, except suppliers). And then I'm on the hook for a portion of daycare, summer camps which are deemed necessary for her to work (to make $5K). And apparently refuses to apply for daycare subsidy because ... it would ruin her image?
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Old 06-01-2016, 02:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dinkyface View Post
Yep. Full support, 41/59 time. Got a 9-5 job, unable to attend all those daytime events. While her mom is self-employed, making at most 16K (2015 NOA shows less than $5K) and can come to all events. I agree it is hard not to rant to D9 about her mom's choices/reality, and of course D9 is so proud that mom is the boss of everyone in her company (um, there is no one else, except suppliers). And then I'm on the hook for a portion of daycare, summer camps which are deemed necessary for her to work (to make $5K). And apparently refuses to apply for daycare subsidy because ... it would ruin her image?
I pay over $65.00/week ballet ($80.00 costume, etc); pizza/milk days @ school ; most clothes/book bag, etc. Swimming lessons .. you name it. Then I pass off a huge chunk of cash to ex (FT CS) who simply refuses to get any kind of job.

Ex and I both receive e-mails from D5's school. The latest e-mail outlined job opportunities within the school such as lunch monitors, etc. This would allow her to see D5 and make some cash. Welfare and CS is just too attractive.

Dinky, at least your ex is working, albeit cleverly misrepresenting her income by the sounds of it. But hey .. she's working.

I'm going to head to court this summer to put an end top this full Table CS business .. there's an order stating that she seek FULL TIME employment. Not sit on the couch and collect. That will be the end of it.

LF32
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Old 06-01-2016, 04:09 PM
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She's not misrepresenting (though she is likely writing off lots of home expenses). But in 10+ years, she has never figured out how to make a significant profit from her efforts! Profit margin - what's that? Lucky to have a supportive family and a rich inheritance.

All the expenses you mention should be included in your CS i.e. why are you paying them? I am still dealing with (i.e. ignoring) requests for $ for school day trips, pizza day etc. because initially I was paying them - so now she feels entitled to it.

Last edited by dinkyface; 06-01-2016 at 04:13 PM.
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Old 06-01-2016, 06:33 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Think about it this way, compared to a year ago you are in a better place. You may not be able to go to all these events but you get to see her practice, tell the stories, and be a part of it. Baby steps. One day you will have the freedom to go to these things. Enjoy the good things you have now.

(Its ok to vent though...my partners parents paid for years of activities and never saw a finale and dont even get a phone call unless reminded by their father.)
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Old 06-01-2016, 08:29 PM
Links17 Links17 is offline
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Honestly, small potatoes.

My kids are 8 and 10 and they think their mom is a retard at 4 years old she doesn't understand because she doesnt work and plays on her phone all day. At 8 years old, she'll understand and between now and then she'll love you both.

Honestly, this doesn't matter at all in way in the grand scheme of things...
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Old 06-01-2016, 08:40 PM
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Thanks guys. Giving me the boost I needed. Sometimes I feel like D5 thinks mom goes because she cares more and it kind of hurts.

But you're all right. Small potatoes.
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Old 06-02-2016, 11:26 AM
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Honestly, this doesn't matter at all in way in the grand scheme of things...
Gotta give Links props for this. 100% agree. A 4 year old can't remember what they had for lunch. Don't sweat it.
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Old 06-02-2016, 04:41 PM
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Not sure why you are blaming your ex for this one.

Even if she worked full time, YOU would still miss the performance. That she collects CS has nothing to do with it. Parents miss these events all the time for reasons they can't avoid. You have the entire summer off paid on Unemployment. Make memories then. Some people never get that amount of free time with their kids. You just don't want her to be able to go.

Also, do a cost/benefit analysis on whether imputing income is worth it.

From what I know of the EA's incomes, you pay around $300 a month in CS. If you imputed income of 20,000 on her, you will pay 155 a month. Is it really worth it? All of your child support comes off her welfare anyway. She is not ending up farther ahead. I think you just want to win.

Last edited by SadAndTired; 06-02-2016 at 04:45 PM.
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Old 06-02-2016, 11:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
Gotta give Links props for this. 100% agree. A 4 year old can't remember what they had for lunch. Don't sweat it.
I agree. The good news is that D5's big ballet recital is this weekend (Saturday). She's practiced for many weeks and will be performing for literally hundreds of people on stage with her class. Her Step sister and bestie (D9) is in the same show. All of our relatives are coming down for this special event.
On Sunday all of her friends from J/K are coming over for a b-day bash for her as well with pinata's, sac races, baking, swimming, etc.

So this weekend's going to kick serious butt. I can't wait. Loving my family and my life right now.

LF32
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