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Old 11-12-2014, 01:20 PM
whyme? whyme? is offline
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Default new...and frustrated!

Firstly - thanks to all that post on this forum and make it such a wealth of practical information!

my story: married 14years, 2kids s11, d9. ex started off last year with mid-life crisis type unhappiness and despite couples counselling had an affair. Trial separation was recommended by counsellor so when school was out we alternated between our house and cottage. Over the summer I decided I was done and informed her that the trial was no longer a trial, but permanent. In Sept we moved to a nesting arrangement where the kids stay at the house and the other parent has the cottage. Worked ok (though she never stayed at the cottage on her weeks ever) but "winter is coming" so the cottage is less of an option daily. It also turns out she has bought the house 3 doors down with the affair mate and it closes sometime soon (won't tell me the specifics).

We started off quite amicable and wanting to avoid lawyer costs,etc and agreed to go to mediation to "fast track" things. Well that was a disaster once the "new" house info came out (from a real estate agent giving me a valuation on our matr. home as I had tentatively agreed to buy her out). The only thing we agreed upon was equal/joint/shared custody of the children. Anything financial was often disputed by her at the next mediation session. So we quit mediation. Time has continued to pass with little communication on important matters (I send emails and wait a week minimum for replies that are clearly written by affair mate). Cottage is on the market. I want to sell the matr. home but it needs some fairly minor repairs completed first. I am not willing to do them when I am there with the time keeps passing...

I have finally thrown in the towel and engaged legal representation to get things moving. I want exclusive possession of the matr. home until it sells. We'll see what roadblocks she tries and throws up even if she has a home 3 doors down...

Will give more info in my multiple question posts to come! lol
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Old 11-12-2014, 07:33 PM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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Pursuinghappiness will become famous soon enough

The only thing we agreed upon was equal/joint/shared custody of the children. Anything financial was often disputed by her at the next mediation session.
I don't know if this is a general rule but the most expensive issue to settle in my case was custody/access. It took the longest too.

Generally...unless you're talking about self-employment, bankruptcy, seems like the financial stuff is more cut & dry.

So if you're going into litigation just trying to sort financial issues, barring any special circumstances, it might not be too bad.

Also, I think its a good thing that you pulled the plug on mediation quick if it wasn't working out. Its just a waste of money and time if you've got two parties who aren't even in the ballpark of close. Although I wish I could have gone the mediation route to save money...I know there's no way that would have worked in my case, there was way too much animosity.
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Old 01-14-2015, 01:04 PM
whyme? whyme? is offline
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whyme? is on a distinguished road

I guess I should post an update as things have slowly changed over the past while:

-in late Nov my lawyer received a draft interim sep. agreement from her lawyer.
-we provided comments/changes back within a couple days of receipt.
-heard nothing for weeks - in the interim the cottage sold so I was left with couch surfing with friends and neighbours on the weeks I did not have the kids.
-she had taken legal possession of her new house but was refusing to move into it fulltime to ensure I kept couchsurfing.
-I had my lawyer notify hers that I intended to stay at the matr. home until it was sold. Hers responded right away that this was unacceptable and that she feared for her physical safety. Totally blew my mind that they would resort to preposterous claims like that! But I stuck to my guns and within a couple hours of peaceful co-existing in the matr. home she agreed to move out (most of her stuff had already been moved to the new house).

-now we are dealing with financial matters...her Form 13.1 was completed prior to taking possession of the new home so matters are muddled there....she is a real estate agent but hasn't lifted a finger in a year + and has worked part time retail at minimum we are now dealing with trying to impute an income and negotiate child and spousal support...proving to be difficult.
- I am working on the house projects to get it ready for sale. Taking longer than anticipated which is hindering my ability to go out and find a new place for me and the kids.
-what a saga...hard to not want to give up.
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Old 01-14-2015, 06:12 PM
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MrToronto MrToronto is offline
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it's good the EX gave up 'the typical game" of trying to get exclusive possession of matrimonial home by playing the abuse card. (preposterous is a understatement)

She didn't give it up and move out without you consenting to something.

Rule of thumb not move out of the house until an Agreement is signed and everything is final.

But somethings is going on here, where EX (who wants all your money) feels comfortable moving out and your fixated on selling the kids house (the bargaining chip on custody/access payments from a )

You wrote that "joint custody" was acceptable to both parties...but you never mentioned who was the primary parent

IN Court "the under employed real estate agent" (who planned all this years ago) will get the designation. (unless you both agree to share it) (NOPE)

Looking down the road when your kids hate moms boyfriend and want to move in with you..or mom got bored again and her new relationship ended.. it will be too costly and time consuming to get "sole custody" monies (both parties could fight for) in Court to change your Agreement.

Your Agreement should be made with a eye on future "problems with ex and her relationship failures" (she wants your money as BACKUP) your LUCKY because of the ages of kids (youngust will be 18 in 8 years or so)

Your EX wants SPOUSAL and CHILD SUPPORT right now!

You both sound to in your 40's ...your EX may get time limited Support and maybe some of your pension for length of Marriage (no pension if not not married)

But don't set yourself up to be HER CASH COW down the road in a few years.

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