Ottawa Divorce .com Forums

User CP

New posts


  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Introductions

Introductions If you're new to the forums, drop by and introduce yourself.

Thread Tools
Old 11-04-2014, 11:35 PM
oneshot oneshot is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1
oneshot is on a distinguished road
Default new and need help asap

Hi all,
Quick synopsis, married 14 years, 2 kids s10 and d7.
Ex told me she wanted to separate in August, but since the kids were basically just starting school, we have stayed in the house. Ex is now insisting that I move out. We had a bit of an argument over Thanksgiving about family time (she hates my mother) and I just know we are going to fight over xmas times. So far, the kids want to be with me, I think. I've always been the one doing the parenting - homework, soccer, etc.
She makes almost as much as I do, and we have equity in the house that I will need to move out. Can she force me out without selling the house?
Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2014, 11:53 PM
Straittohell Straittohell is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 721
Straittohell is an unknown quantity at this point

Sorry about your situation.

In a nutshell, no, she cannot force you out, unless you get hit with some trumped up domestic assault charge. Keep a recorder handy.

If you leave, you are endangering the chance of having your kids as much as you can.

Do not leave. Do not leave. Can't stress that enough. Don't engage in any discussions that aren't child focused. See a lawyer.
Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2014, 11:53 PM
blinkandimgone's Avatar
blinkandimgone blinkandimgone is offline
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Lucknow
Posts: 5,279
blinkandimgone is a jewel in the roughblinkandimgone is a jewel in the roughblinkandimgone is a jewel in the rough

No, she can't just make you move out. And whatever you do, do NOT voluntarily leave until things are settled.

If things are contentious between you two, consider protecting yourself by wearing a voice recorder in her presence to avoid a potential false DV claim.
Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2014, 12:44 AM
Links17 Links17 is offline
Hand of Justice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: In the Shadows
Posts: 3,155
Links17 is on a distinguished road

Try to keep the kids out of it as much as possible - they will feel a loyalty split between you to. Even if the kids want to be with you for xmas, you should split it as fairly as possible with you EX without involving the kids
betweeen christmas eve, christmas morning and New Years.

This is a very hard time for you kids, be sensitive to that.
Reply With Quote
Old 11-06-2014, 07:49 PM
Headwaters1 Headwaters1 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 363
Headwaters1 is on a distinguished road

Stay in the house!!!

Advise her to get a lawyer. Send it to her in an email and get her to respond in an email. I advised my wife verbally...just expected it to be dealt with reasonably.

It got very messy very fast...she just moved out and then launched an domestic violence complaint.

While the claims have been determined to be ridiculous I must say I regret the fact she absconded with the child and never sought legal remedies and essentially got away with that because I wasn't sharp enough to get my request for her to get a lawyer in writing.

I know it's awkward but I would insist on it. Once an agreement through lawyers is arranged you can then plan to move if that makes sense.
Reply With Quote
Old 11-12-2014, 12:52 AM
dad2bandm dad2bandm is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,778
dad2bandm is on a distinguished road

Imperative that you remain in the house if you want maximum time with your children. (Are you seeing a consensus here?)

Expect drama. When ex does not get her way, false accusations towards you of domestic violence, would not be surprising. It happens. A recorder on you at all times, sounds paranoid, but you'll be glad for it when the police arrive.

You will need your own secure space in the house. Pick a room. Install a lock on the door.
See a lawyer.

I haven't seen recent postings from him lately, but check out FB_ 's threads on his in_house separation. You'll get some idea of what one can expect.
Reply With Quote
Old 11-12-2014, 10:19 AM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Hamilton
Posts: 3,732
HammerDad will become famous soon enough

Read this - THE LIST (Print It) - Divorce Forum and Child Custody Forum

While it may sound extreme, and you will likely want to blow off a lot of it as paranoia, take it to heart. It is what can happen in worst case scenarios. You need to do what you can to protect yourself from the ex launching the false DV nuclear bomb on you.

You mentioned that there was an instance of hostilities prior, DO NOT EVER let that happen again. DO NOT engage her in arguments. If she rants and raves, walk away stating that you will not engage in such a discussion. Should she want to talk custody matters with you, ask her to email you and will respond as soon as you can. That unless there is an immediate matter relating to the kids, you'd prefer that each of you simply go about your business.

DO NOT move out without a fair parenting plan in place. You will be setting yourself up for the short end of the stick if you do.

But it is most important that you don't get dragged into arguments with her. If you do, it will open the door for her to say you were aggressive and get you booted from the house.

As for your mom, you can have whomever over that you want to visit. You don't need your STBX's permission. If you want to take the kids for a visit, you are also free to do that as well. But be courteous about letting her know where you are going and for how long....via email.....
Reply With Quote
Old 11-12-2014, 01:14 PM
viewfromthecheapseats viewfromthecheapseats is offline
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: niagara region
Posts: 37
viewfromthecheapseats is on a distinguished road

As someone on here once said "You don't have to attend every argument that you are invited to". That actually stuck in my head and has helped me deal with some of my more challenging family members. It's only an argument if i choose to participate.
Reply With Quote
Old 11-13-2014, 09:56 AM
North of 40 North of 40 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Southern Ontario
Posts: 137
North of 40 is on a distinguished road

I have to agree with everyone.

Went through the identical thing. AND if you think it won't get careful.

CAS can be called on you in a heart beat. Doesn't matter if it's BS, they will follow up. Document everything, maybe on your phone.

Good luck,although hard...try and be positive.
Reply With Quote

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:42 PM.