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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 06-18-2014, 11:17 AM
MS Mom MS Mom is offline
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Default Access by non-custodial parent who is out of the country

I'm dealing with a motion to change that involves custody, access and child support.

The ex left the country almost a year ago and for over a year prior to leaving he did not see our daughter. He did continue to have access with his other, much younger, daughter (not mine).

In August he gave 10 days notice of his moving to the US. He advised the other mother that he would be back at Christmas to see the kids, but he didn't show. He then said he'd be back at Easter, then July, and now it's "I can't afford to come back and see the children".

My daughter is pining after him. Misses him greatly. He hasn't bothered to even call her.

I offered to have my daughter go visit him for any week he chooses over the summer. The offer was denied with a nasty note because he was expected to pay for the flight.

I then offered, by way of Offer to Settle, to reduce the arrears by $800 to facilitate my daughter spending a week over the summer with him. The offer went unaccepted and expired.

Both the other mother and I have now offered to split the cost of his flight to Ontario so he can see both the girls for one week in the summer. We gave him a deadline to accept this offer, this deadline is today.

He hasn't bothered to even acknowledge the offer, let alone accept it at this point.

Is it reasonable to conclude at this point that he has no intention of putting himself out in any capacity to see his kids?

I'm frustrated as I have trial commencing in July (he shows via phone) and his lawyer has stated their intentions to challenge my custody and access requests. I want sole custody, defined access period - expenses to be paid by him. He wants joint custody to remain and "access per the child's wishes" and phone calls.
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  #2  
Old 06-18-2014, 11:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MS Mom View Post
I'm dealing with a motion to change that involves custody, access and child support.

The ex left the country almost a year ago and for over a year prior to leaving he did not see our daughter. He did continue to have access with his other, much younger, daughter (not mine).

In August he gave 10 days notice of his moving to the US. He advised the other mother that he would be back at Christmas to see the kids, but he didn't show. He then said he'd be back at Easter, then July, and now it's "I can't afford to come back and see the children".

My daughter is pining after him. Misses him greatly. He hasn't bothered to even call her.

I offered to have my daughter go visit him for any week he chooses over the summer. The offer was denied with a nasty note because he was expected to pay for the flight.

I then offered, by way of Offer to Settle, to reduce the arrears by $800 to facilitate my daughter spending a week over the summer with him. The offer went unaccepted and expired.

Both the other mother and I have now offered to split the cost of his flight to Ontario so he can see both the girls for one week in the summer. We gave him a deadline to accept this offer, this deadline is today.

He hasn't bothered to even acknowledge the offer, let alone accept it at this point.

Is it reasonable to conclude at this point that he has no intention of putting himself out in any capacity to see his kids?

I'm frustrated as I have trial commencing in July (he shows via phone) and his lawyer has stated their intentions to challenge my custody and access requests. I want sole custody, defined access period - expenses to be paid by him. He wants joint custody to remain and "access per the child's wishes" and phone calls.
He will likely retain Joint custody.

He will also likely get his wish with "access per the child's wishes"

He should also get phone calls.

You should accept that offer but with the following conditions

- No permission required to travel with child, only notification
- You do not need his signature for passports
- He will be consulted for all major decisions but you have final say should there be a dispute

EDIT:

You also get table child support and he is responsible for all access costs on top of CS as he is the one who moved.
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  #3  
Old 06-18-2014, 11:26 AM
MS Mom MS Mom is offline
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Originally Posted by FB_ View Post
He will likely retain Joint custody.

He will also likely get his wish with "access per the child's wishes"

He should also get phone calls.

You should accept that offer but with the following conditions

- No permission required to travel with child, only notification
- You do not need his signature for passports
- He will be consulted for all major decisions but you have final say should there be a dispute
Accept what offer? He hasn't given me one....
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Old 06-18-2014, 11:27 AM
DowntroddenDad DowntroddenDad is offline
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So I get that he is not going to win father of the year.

But I don't get why you want to change custody. Is he involved in decisions today - has he actually blocked anything? Have you involved him in the decision making process and found him to be unco-operative? Or are you anticipating.

As for access, he doesn't sound like that is an issue, he isn't using what access he has, so where is that an issue?

Why are you going to court? What are you trying to prove?
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  #5  
Old 06-18-2014, 11:29 AM
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Originally Posted by MS Mom View Post
Accept what offer? He hasn't given me one....
His response to your application is an "offer"

You stated he wants "x y z" that is his offer.

There are no reasons you shouldn't be open to what he wants with some conditions.
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  #6  
Old 06-18-2014, 11:31 AM
MS Mom MS Mom is offline
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In his response to motion to change he's asking for phone calls. He's never been prevented from making a call to his daughter - he just chooses not to.

Access per the child's wishes is fine with me. However, the child wishes....and he is denying that request. Even now with me willing to pay for it, he denies.

I'm curious how he plans to challenge my sole custody request when he obviously has no interest in the child. Would a judge really order continued joint custody to a parent who hasn't seen the child in nearly two years (his choice) and makes no effort to see them even when the cost is covered for him?
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Old 06-18-2014, 11:33 AM
MS Mom MS Mom is offline
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Originally Posted by DowntroddenDad View Post
So I get that he is not going to win father of the year.

But I don't get why you want to change custody. Is he involved in decisions today - has he actually blocked anything? Have you involved him in the decision making process and found him to be unco-operative? Or are you anticipating.

As for access, he doesn't sound like that is an issue, he isn't using what access he has, so where is that an issue?

Why are you going to court? What are you trying to prove?

The access he currently has is EOW, Wednesdays, two weeks in the summer and alternating holidays. The last contact he had with the child was June 2012. The agreement that provided him this access was only signed May 2012.

I'm going to court for cs arrears, S7 expenses and sole custody. He participates in zero decisions and refuses to provide the necessary consent for medical issues.
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  #8  
Old 06-18-2014, 11:34 AM
DowntroddenDad DowntroddenDad is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MS Mom View Post
In his response to motion to change he's asking for phone calls. He's never been prevented from making a call to his daughter - he just chooses not to.

Access per the child's wishes is fine with me. However, the child wishes....and he is denying that request. Even now with me willing to pay for it, he denies.

I'm curious how he plans to challenge my sole custody request when he obviously has no interest in the child. Would a judge really order continued joint custody to a parent who hasn't seen the child in nearly two years (his choice) and makes no effort to see them even when the cost is covered for him?
Custody is about decision making not access, and implied is major decision making.

I ask again, why go to court, what would it change? You pretty much have sole custody in reality, and you don't have an issue with granting accesss. Is this to prove a point?
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  #9  
Old 06-18-2014, 11:37 AM
MS Mom MS Mom is offline
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Originally Posted by FB_ View Post
His response to your application is an "offer"

You stated he wants "x y z" that is his offer.

There are no reasons you shouldn't be open to what he wants with some conditions.

I have no problem with the access requested by him. But it would appear he doesn't want the access he's requested. He wants to be able to contact her via phone - this is something he has been able to do for 9 years - as he wishes. For two years, he has chosen not to.

Yeah, that "offer" also makes arrears zero (again - did that once in 2012 already for him) and is mute on the cost of access.
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  #10  
Old 06-18-2014, 11:40 AM
MS Mom MS Mom is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DowntroddenDad View Post
Custody is about decision making not access, and implied is major decision making.

I ask again, why go to court, what would it change? You pretty much have sole custody in reality, and you don't have an issue with granting accesss. Is this to prove a point?

I don't have sole custody in reality. He doesn't cooperate where cooperation is required - specifically for medical/travel.
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