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Old 06-17-2014, 12:18 AM
MommyTime MommyTime is offline
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 155
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Default Favourable status quo through falsehood

Kids are both toddlers and I was stay-at-home with bits of work on the side.

Broke up. When I found a rental, X launched Family Case without notice and removed kids from my care. Allegations galore. Got minimal supervised access that X interfered with consistently while investigations were underway.

Crown: charge withdrawn
CAS Investigation: in my favour, concerned about parental alienation
OCL Investigation: fully in my favour, concerned about financial motive and malicious intent

My collaterals were all professionals and a few were supervisors for access.
X's collaterals were his friends / family whom have had limited contact with me.

X's allegations all found false in all reports.

X got scared and consented to lift supervision from access, consented to 50% time share provided I did not proceed to court with the reports. I took it. I wanted my kids back asap.

X wants to settle all matters quickly. Offers are exchanged.

Threatens to file a Dispute of OCL Report if I didn't accept his financial Offer and equal share parenting plan, against judge's direction. X hasn't waited for latest counter Offers.

Disputed Report(s) on last possible day.

1) What should I expect from X's Dispute?

2) X wants to "communicate" almost daily now which has been very difficult. Suggestions welcome to keep the interaction "short and sweet."

3) What can I do about the current interim custody order? X is disputing the OCL Report which wouldn't be useful until Trial anyway. I don't want to go to Trial but feel he created a new status quo with false allegations / misrepresentation that is considered child abuse:

Izyuk v. Blousov, 2011 ONSC 6451 (CanLII)
CanLII - 2011 ONSC 6451 (CanLII)

418. Creating a favourable status quo through falsehood and misrepresentations is not just a matter of litigation strategy: It is often tantamount to child abuse. It goes to the heart of “best interests” considerations; Parental judgement; The ability to sacrifice self-interest for the sake of the child; Awareness of the child’s need to have maximum contact with both parents.

419. If past behaviour is a predictor of the future, assessors and courts have an obligation to address – and seriously sanction – common and predictable strategic behaviours intended to create an inappropriate status quo.
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Old 06-17-2014, 01:40 AM
Stacy'sMom Stacy'sMom is offline
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 92
Stacy'sMom is on a distinguished road

1. Expect the worst and hope for the best; but be prepared for anything.

2. The best thing you can do is communicate with him as he desires to show your compliance and willingness to communicate.
Keep the conversations light and brief whenever possible.

  • Try to smile when you talk- it makes it easier to sound pleasant
  • If the conversation gets a bit long just say "I'm sorry we're in the middle of xxxx right now, can you maybe call back later tonight when he/she is in bed and we discuss more in depth?"
  • Or if things get a bit hostile, a short, "I don't think this the appropriate time to talk to me about this right now. Would you mind if we held off on this conversation until the child(ren) aren't around to overhear us?"
How ever you approach it, make sure that he knows the child(ren) are your priority and that your time with them is precious, and not to be wasted on his issues or concerns.
Just as if you were a couple who is married and living under the same roof, he will have to find a way to work around the children's presence if he wants to have long or hard conversations with you.

Try to set some ground rules for communication, like;
  1. if it's important or an emergency- call anytime
  2. if it's just "checking in" a short text or email should suffice
  3. let him know that long conversations are something which shall have to wait until the child(ren) are either asleep, or back with him
My own X used to do this all the time. Not a word until I had my daughter for our time together and then any little issue that was fluttering around in his mind came to the surface as soon as she was in my care. There comes a point in time where you have to put your foot down and say, "Yes I'm open for discussion but now is NOT the time."

3. I'm not sure how to direct you on your 3rd item, sorry.
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Old 06-17-2014, 11:29 AM
MommyTime MommyTime is offline
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 155
MommyTime is an unknown quantity at this point

Very difficult to communicate. It's by email only currently. Very hostile situation.

X jumps around and replies from midway through the chain that changes the context of conversation. Either that or X changes the subject line to re-order everything.

Trying to be formal. Short. Direct. X changes direction each time. Needless commentary where X "shines and I'm awful." Gets my back up. Seems purposeful. Countless emails to bring it back on topic.

About X's OCL Dispute, what is the process? It's between X and OCL but how does OCL handle it? Do they write back? Does it go to court? Can I say anything about it? When do I say anything about it? Does it wait until trial? How does it work?

Anyone else go through it?
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