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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 07-25-2006, 11:18 AM
OB1 OB1 is offline
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Default Where to pcik the kids up...

What a weekend. I was to pick my kids up on Saturday at one of the local malls. My ex’s refused to bring my kids they’re saying I must go pick them up at her place, and if I didn’t then I wouldn’t see the kids. She also went on to say that the pick up times are changing and that I will be picking the kids up a few hours earlier.
Well, I wasn’t going to have my kids suffer as a result of her ignorance so I went and picked them up.
Yesterday, was another mess, I decided to keep my kids for the day. She wanted them at 11:00 am I refused to take them there. I called my Lawyer and was informed since there is no court order or separation agreement that it should be no problem as long as she is informed. My kids also called their mom and said they wanted to be with me.
Later that evening I called her and told her she could come and pick up the kids, she refused and said you must drive them here. I was pretty angry with this since she is now trying to control me even more. My kids were so upset that they did not want to go with their mom. I decided to give in and drop them off, only because I could not make arrangements to have someone take care of them this morning. I had to be at work at 6:30am.
When will enough be enough?
Old 07-25-2006, 01:36 PM
Denisem Denisem is offline
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Default Pay for gas?

You must have a very good reason for not being able to pick up and drop off your children......If you do not have a car or you are disabled, then your ex should be willing to help with transportation. If you are unable to provide transportation for visitation, you could offer to pay your ex expenses for travel...with the price of gas theses days she may take you up on the offer of money...
Old 07-25-2006, 02:51 PM
OB1 OB1 is offline
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I'm not sure how it works but is one parent responsible for picking up the kids and dropping them off. How is a standard seperation agreement written up.
My ex would meet me half way before put now refuses to do so.
Old 07-25-2006, 02:56 PM
CatvsLion CatvsLion is offline
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I had a hard time with transportation as well. In the end I gave up arguing about it and just do all the transportation - it helps a bit with the control tatic they use too. I wonder though, as mentioned above, because of the raise in costs of fuel these days, if the costs of gas could be included in the extra expenses and shared like all the other costs - although this could open up a whole new ball of fire. (gas for going to daycare, school, sports, etc - and how do you really record/prove it all... is it really worth it?) I know I now spend over $100/month on transportation fuel alone.

In my case it was presummed that the 'access parent' does all the transportation - which I don't agree with at all.

just my 2 cents (can't really aford that either though! )
Old 07-25-2006, 03:36 PM
Decent Dad Decent Dad is offline
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Ah... the pick and drop off. With so many ways to cause grief, inflict punishment and just basically be a big pain in the arse, that's an easy one. People are savages.

There is never a standard agreement... but there is some common understanding. Things like pick-ups and drop offs should be shared. Usually the person whose 'start' time it is picks up the child(ren). Unless it is something short thing like a party.

As always, pick your battles. Some things you can let roll.. others you can make a stand. IMO, pick up/drop offs I would make a stand. Thats a lot of extra travelling, gas, time, etc. It just stinks of being used and abused.

Exchanges at daycare or school is much better. Especially in high conflict.

BTW, my ex did all that too. She refused to come and get our child , etc. I told her would keep the child until she did. That changed her tune pretty quick. As well, when I would pick the child up from her house she would always state "Have a nice visit with dad"*. Arg. Now we exchange at daycare. Life is good.

BTW, in my affidavit for my CS case, I am for sure listing the incredible amounts of milage I do. I probably run around about 400km a month. At over a $1 a litre, yikes! I'll tell yah how that plays out.

* btw, we have joint custody and 50-50.
Old 07-25-2006, 06:55 PM
logicalvelocity logicalvelocity is offline
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If access is the child's right and in the child's best interest shouldn't a custodial parent be responsible for the transportation of the child for the child's access.

excerpts from the Children's Law Reform Act

Rights and responsibilities

(2) A person entitled to custody of a child has the rights and responsibilities of a parent in respect of the person of the child and must exercise those rights and responsibilities in the best interests of the child. R.S.O. 1990, c. C.12, s. 20 (2).

Authority to act

(3) Where more than one person is entitled to custody of a child, any one of them may exercise the rights and accept the responsibilities of a parent on behalf of them in respect of the child. R.S.O. 1990, c. C.12, s. 20 (3).


(5) The entitlement to access to a child includes the right to visit with and be visited by the child and the same right as a parent to make inquiries and to be given information as to the health, education and welfare of the child. R.S.O. 1990, c. C.12, s. 20 (5).

A child centered approach would be that both parent's are involved with this extra curricular activity of the child's.

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