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Old 09-09-2012, 11:37 PM
jamesbond jamesbond is offline
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Default Hello, new here and need advice

Hello everyone,

I've heard good things about this forum.

I have a 14 month old son with my ex-girlfriend. We have never lived together and are both in our late 20's.

Although we were together throughout the pregnancy, things quickly went downhill after the birth of the child.

My ex lives at home and will not allow me ANY one on one time with my son. She watches my every move (there is no "reason" for this) and has not once "allowed" me to take him anywhere, not even for an hour, let alone overnight.

I know I've let this go too long and wish I'd acted sooner. I am starting to communicate more by email in order to have some "proof" of how she can be (denying access/limiting my time or flat out refusing) but for the longest time, I guess I had hoped things would improve. I also felt intimidated by her threats to take me to Court. Now I see that it is I who should initiate court action as we are just spinning our wheels. I cannot reason with her, and she micro manages every moment I have with my son. The visits are always at her apartment, and she will suddenly tell me I have to go, and that if I don't, she'll call the police.. I've been threatened with "police" "court" "restraining orders" etc.

I only want to spend time with my son and I don't need to be supervised. There is no history of violence and I have not been arrested or charged with anything.

I'd appreciate any advice I can get. I am going this week for a free half hour consultation with a lawyer, but I don't know what to expect from that and need to think of a way to gather up some cash for a retainer.

Thanks for any help you can offer.
Old 09-10-2012, 12:17 AM
dinkyface dinkyface is offline
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Court is on your side - don't be afraid of it. It is likely your ONLY hope. You need no 'evidence' other than what you already have.
Old 09-10-2012, 02:55 AM
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arabian arabian is offline
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Hope you find yourself a good lawyer. You don't have to get the most expensive lawyer and I have had good experience with a young guy who didn't charge as much as the big-firm lawyers do. When you meet with the lawyer just tell him what you have told us here on this forum. Ask him to outline an "action plan" and find how how long he estimates each stage of the plan to take. Don't be afraid to talk to a few lawyers. It is really important you feel comfortable with the person you retain. Find out exactly about costs: emails, phone calls, court appearances, travel times. Find out what you can do along the way to keep your bill in check. Ensure that you get a DETAILED MONTHLY BILL from him so that you know how much things cost you as you go along.

I would ignore the prattle from the girlfriend. She will probably pull the sympathy card as a single mother, blah blah blah. Stick to facts and listen carefully to people on this forum who have had similar situations as you. This forum will be your cheapest and probably most effective resource.
Old 09-10-2012, 07:46 AM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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I take it she is a first time mom and maybe a bit over protective. That should have calmed down by now.

Looks like court is your only option and I hope you have been paying CS right from the start. If you havent been paying then start paying or saving for paying a lump sum in the future be it for full CS or an offset amount.
Old 09-10-2012, 03:36 PM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
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Read this case:

CanLII - 2011 ONSC 6437 (CanLII)
Old 09-10-2012, 03:40 PM
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arabian arabian is offline
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I hope that if you have been paying her you don't do it in cash. It is very important to have receipts - email transfer, money orders, cheques - all work well. I would think it would be important to show that you have provided support for your child when you establish custody arrangements in the future. Maybe other posters who have been through this situation recently can also help.

Do read information that experienced posters ^ pass on to you.
Old 09-10-2012, 03:43 PM
WorkingDAD WorkingDAD is offline
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What is situation regarding child support?

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