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  • #61
    I'm sure I made mistakes, but none that warranted her doing what she did. Funny that you made a snide comment about mistakes to imply that I believe myself blameless, and then list your own major mistake as simply having picked the wrong guy. Pot calling kettle once again...
    I don't recall saying that your ex or anyone's ex is warranted in cheating. I said that holding on to being bitter forever is only harmful to the person holding engaging in it. But do whatever you want. And actually my comments were specifically directed at Links.

    As I said, I have no issue with the OP ranting but I think when your ranting gets to the point where all you're doing is making bashing generalizations about women, you're not owning your own crap.

    I just remembered why I stopped bothering to log in. Too much misogynistic blathering.

    And as I have nothing to rant about I'll leave you guys to continue wallowing in it. Rage on...lol!

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    • #62
      I would gladly "trade up" if I could find someone who would put up with my "isms.

      I find it embarrassing at my age to even admit to strangers (when asked) that I'm divorced. As a single woman in her 50's I can't have a casual conversation with a male without the partner thinking I'm coming after her man. Women are their own worst enemies. I am finding that being a divorced person plays into a social structure which shows preference to a single person who is single because their spouse passed away. I am quite surprised that this attitude (from my mother's day) is still around.

      Well tomorrow is another day. I'll have to go to the local library and put a move on an old geezer I guess.

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      • #63
        PH - I think it is wonderful that you have found a new partner. I wish you every happiness. Your story is reassuring to many of us that yes there is happiness in the future.


        Links - I hope you don't end up 'batting for the other side' - this could happen if you can't shake your disdain for us gals!

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        • #64
          Seriously, you don't even answer the points and when I disprove/prove anything you just ignore it.

          You continuously just talk about your personal situation as if its the reality for everybody.

          My opinions on these topics is based on reading not really my personal situation so much. I could never generalize based on a single situation (but you can for some reason....)

          I actually take a great interest in marriage, divorce and family law now that it is part of life and I like to understand all the interactions. A lot of the things I read about don't necessarily impact me

          SoS says I'm a bully - if clarifying or admitting an error or changing your perspective makes you a bully then sure RAWR I'm a bully.

          I'm done with this thread.

          Food for thought:
          -When women earn more than men what is the impact on the marriage and why?
          -Are higher earner women less likely to marry, why?
          -Are divorced men more skeptical of divorced women than vice versa?

          Personally, I'm not a fan of batting for the other side.

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          • #65
            I own my mistakes. I fell hook, line and sinker for a narcissistic con-man. My guts were telling me all along....."....something is wrong here...something is wrong" - but the charm of a narcissist bought my parent's trust, my dad's trust. I've never been confident in any decision I make, and I looked to my parents for advice.

            When things went sour, I looked to my parents again for advice - I was told "he's great, stop being so negative"..... Giving me this advice and not listening to me, not seeing my pain and anguish is my dad's number one regret in life.

            What I've learned....if you aren't confident in your choice to buy a sedan over a sports-car, there is no freaking way you are confident enough to make any life-long decisions such as getting married and having kids.

            I have also found that it's become a repeat theme in my life.....and I don't know how to change it.

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            • #66
              Originally posted by arabian View Post
              PH - I think it is wonderful that you have found a new partner. I wish you every happiness. Your story is reassuring to many of us that yes there is happiness in the future.
              Being coupled =/= being happy. Enjoy singleness....

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              • #67
                Originally posted by Links17 View Post

                I'm done with this thread.

                Food for thought:
                -When women earn more than men what is the impact on the marriage and why?
                -Are higher earner women less likely to marry, why?
                -Are divorced men more skeptical of divorced women than vice versa?

                Personally, I'm not a fan of batting for the other side.
                When women earn more than men.....fuck you're funny.....

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                • #68
                  Interesting Links. You are stating that money is a driving force for people to get married.

                  I know it is attractive to people (young or old) when they feel they can pool their resources and come out ahead of the game, live large and travel wide. Doesn't work that way though as we often overspend in homes and cars we purchase and end up having too many kids. Daycares are expensive so usually it's the person who makes less that gets to stay home. For some this is a blessed experience and for others it is a nightmare.

                  What kills me though is when the couple break up and the dad is crying that he works his tiny tight butt off to pay ALL THE BILLS and that thar woman stays home and watches soap operas all day. Then it becomes a war of the sexes. If good old day were to stay home all day he'd be dialing up WWF or a ball game while folding the laundry. All the same. Just a matter of one person PERCEIVING the other person has it made.

                  This is an age-old dispute, likely from the time of the cave men where women went out and killed the food and then brought it home to cure, and tan the hides. I think the men were protecting the territory or blueberry picking or something weren't they?

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                  • #69
                    The reality is - if wages for men and women were equitable the prevalence of spousal support would be much lower, the amount of CS paid would be lower (in offset) and women would not be perceived as "having it made".

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                    • #70
                      As the partner of a divorced man, I didnt take everything he said as gospel. It was over a year that I started to see things. And he freely admits they were wrong for each other and never should have married, stayed together or have kids. He says whats done is done and he has to live with the consequences of his decision. His ex tells people he was an angry abusive person and she earned all the money and gave him the life he lived. He has a temper sure, he has a short fuse absolutely, and he tends to jump right to upset without listening. But so does my sister who I shared a room and bathroom with for 20 years so I can recognize the triggers and how to deal with it. I also see that his ex antagonizes him, she knows what buttons to push to get the reaction she wants. Shes that kid that smacks themself while mom isnt looking and then points at someone else. I also saw a lot of psychological damage during sleep or offhand comments that came from 20 years with this woman. We've been on a long road and therapy has helped him. So Im more inclined to believe what he says over her. Even his kids have said they have a hard time understanding the person he is from what they remember and what mom says. So before anyone says someone is a lemming for believing just one side, remember some people are astute enough to look further. Ive read the court docs, heard comments from his last lawyer, read the emails between him and her (and the kids), talked to his friends and family, and watched how he deals with situations. Its funny to hear the two of them fight and then to go through the disagreements we have. She doesnt fight fair and he spirals back to that previous guy. When we argue (and its not normal, just right now we're making living decisions which brings up bad memories for him) we fight fair. Its never I win or he wins. We both compromise.

                      Like I said, you cant have preconceived notions about people. Protect yourself and be wary sure, but dont automatically assume the worst or the best. People normally show their true colours quickly.

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                      • #71
                        What I find interesting in all of this is the following:

                        Many men wanted and enjoyed a stay at home spouse. But then they bitch and complain that they have to pay spousal support. You can't suck and blow. You created that reality and that is why you are paying for it. That is why I take no issue with my husband's choice to voluntarily pay high spousal, even for a short marriage. He made that commitment and to be honest, it wouldn't have helped if his then wife was left strapped financially and without any skills to make a good go of things herself. Now, the fact that she hasn't done anything with the time she has collected all this spousal support is her own issue as that is her own personal choice.

                        And when you ask "where does she find all these suckers?". Ahem, the same place she found you. The difference is now she has financial independence from these men because she is being supported by you right now. Its an attractive deal to date someone who can afford the nicer things in life, especially when they don't have to worry about when their cheque is going to come in... and besides, you found something attractive enough to be with her - why the heck wouldn't they?

                        As for the imbalance in pays and opportunities for women, I agree we are far from equality. However, that is not to say we can't surpass a man's pay grade if we work awfully hard. Perhaps it takes more elbow grease and more time and effort to do so, but it is not impossible at all.

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                        • #72
                          Originally posted by Serene View Post
                          As for the imbalance in pays and opportunities for women, I agree we are far from equality. However, that is not to say we can't surpass a man's pay grade if we work awfully hard. Perhaps it takes more elbow grease and more time and effort to do so, but it is not impossible at all.
                          I agree it isn't impossible, but why should women start out 100 metres behind the start line? Why should women have to work harder then men to get the same income in the end? More elbow grease makes it inequitable too.

                          Two people with the same education - one male and one female - working in the same job get paid different amounts.

                          I'm job searching right now.

                          Male dominated job with the requirement of "functionally literate" = $18/hr

                          Female dominated job with the requirement of a undergrad degree = $14/hr

                          Where is the equity? Men only have to be functionally literate to earn more than a university educated woman. Of course, I'm jaded right now because the job search world is hell.

                          Comment


                          • #73
                            Hehehe sorry for igniting such passion - I had my little vent, and to be honest it felt better to see that I wasn't alone, and they're common feelings.

                            I had a nice evening with my girlfriend, we celebrated her work success she had yesterday, and I Facetimed with my son for a while, planning out next weekends activities.

                            Life goes on

                            ps - ex is still a gold digger in my eyes. but that will also be part of life.

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                            • #74
                              Originally posted by MS Mom View Post
                              I agree it isn't impossible, but why should women start out 100 metres behind the start line? Why should women have to work harder then men to get the same income in the end? More elbow grease makes it inequitable too.

                              Two people with the same education - one male and one female - working in the same job get paid different amounts.

                              I'm job searching right now.

                              Male dominated job with the requirement of "functionally literate" = $18/hr

                              Female dominated job with the requirement of a undergrad degree = $14/hr

                              Where is the equity? Men only have to be functionally literate to earn more than a university educated woman. Of course, I'm jaded right now because the job search world is hell.
                              My girlfriend and discuss this alot... well she tells me about it more so...

                              We both have equivalent difficulty 4 year bachelor degrees, from the same university, we both have provincial professional licenses to practice, we're both fulltime, I work in a male dominated field, she works in a female dominated field. I gross almost twice as much as her..... go figure

                              Comment


                              • #75
                                Google "homosocial reproduction".

                                Comment

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