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what is "Personal Stuff" I am allowed to take out to live the next 2 years?

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  • what is "Personal Stuff" I am allowed to take out to live the next 2 years?

    I am going to have to put this into the petty area. Fine I am out of the house and set up for now in a pretty good place all concidering - starting to eat and well do things that I shall describe as more than sit therein a trance........ Up to now to avoid the super stress (This is my stress that I care about - not hers.....and the kids have seen enough)The kids offered and have grabbed what i have asked as this has evolved and brought them to me so I do not have to go to the house - there is no police and the threat I had at the court house by the police officer was quote," No showing up with the U-Haul! You get 5 minutes!" "I said haow about 10?" He looked sternly and said, I am not here to get your stuff out of her house and (I will swear he said her house) and I do not plan.....

    This email is about what defines personal items, that since I am no longer allowed near the home - what can i take out to live for the next two years???? (The first paper from the court makes reference to "Personal Items" no more - I know clothes, underwear and socks can leave but things that belong to me??) Well I can barely get down into the basement at times in five minutes let alon e try and find things that even on a list......I won't be able to find because well I admit to I "suffer from" I am one of those peole who tuck things in the strangest places and to remeber all at once???? I do not want to do the police thing..... Yesterday I get a message from my daughter that she can't find a lot of the last of what has grown into a list (each item has a location and where to find it) that I can live with (MY son Ryan was/is to help cuz he already moved things and the papers out of site - to keep my stuff away from mom - he had no problem(we slept in the same "room/area in the basement.....

    To the point her email has "mom has been auditing my messages to them, she has defined what personal items are and the fact that I own half the stuff in there period and what i asked was within reason but I own a small dvd player that i use every night to help get my mind off hurt and into a state where I can sleep for a bit.......I own dvd's which i asked for a few - These she says are not personal items and she will not allow the kids to remove.........I won't even go to my computer, printer and scanner that this week to avoid war I just took money I do not have and found a used printer, the fellow delivered,set it up and then configured the laptop to print! My Lawyer said that this was a mistake iin that thses items had been termed Dad's things,(and as such are personal by rights?) I have the invoices in my posession and to top it off by the bank records the money came from the deposit of my mom's inheritence money - but to a lady who does not reason......Is there help as to define what is personal and I am allowed to remove so I can live today, enjoy a little bit of life today??? This year and maybe the next????

  • #2
    Your dvd's and anything you can prove you paid for are your personal items.

    Unless she can somehow argue that your Expendables dvd is some how matrimonial property, she is SOL.

    Don't use the kids to remove things for you. It puts them in the middle. Simply go over your receipts and also try and remember what things you own. Mail a list to your ex (keeping a copy for yourself) stating you wish collect the following personal items as they were either a) given to you as gifts or b) purchased with your funds. Should she disagree with any or all of it, you file motion in court to have a judge order that you be able to remove the items.

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    • #3
      k im confused, isnt anything bought during the marriage considered joint property unless it was for the sole use of one person like clothes?? I thought only gifts and property you owned before marriage were excluded.

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      • #4
        this really maps out my problems, my basic neeeds/requests

        HI HammerDad - good advice about the list for record to give to all parties concerned (everyone is on the same page). As far as the kids.... I am in a slightly different situation in that my health and even now almost two weeks after my Jail stint - I am still not in a stable state so I am not moving around much or going places. Food is one block to the left, medicine is a few to the right and the doctor is a few more past that. My kids offered because it sadly is the best solution that we have that I admit needed the help and brings the least stress to all it is only this that popeed up last night.

        My first and only response to my daughter is "there is no nothing" - she takes no discussions or problems on - PERIOD. But she is willing to bring the remaining things as I can think and remember and I am thankful for that, visit for a bit sometimes, sometimes just a drop and run (ok) and my daughter also brings my dog for a visit when she can make it work.....

        This is not perfect, but since I am still (allthough imporoving) in a state where my emotional state falls apart at "a snap of your fingers"....I have the emergency plans, numbers in place for help should I need it and my kids are older 23,21 and they want to help me and, as I asked, they cut me off at the same time and as one ,"because you are OUR Dad and we know you need some help even though you won't ask We know you need it and it is something WE can do for you and we want to - so I have tried to make it as easy as possible by giving them the email with the list that i just add onto as things pop back into my head.

        It is only now with the question what is a reasonable "personal possession" - I do not need much as I am in a one room motel with everything included - what I askk is things to help my life (entertainment/sanity - basic food as nothing is here - and sanitary take care of myself - the computer stuff that will help me do what is my only task - to clean up our financials - hell I even did hers for the old stuff (pension and rrsp's before marriage and the list of what we had.......... but that is not matter here)

        I am stumbled by a request of a 7"mini dvd player/ear muffs that i sleep with and use when the pain keeps me awake....it works, i miss it and it is mine - heck even the dvd's ( just asked my son to grab the older ones and i would rotote over time (ie give it back and get some others). I do not want it all not=r do i have the ability to store it here - I just looking for basics -

        ex is again the one, has not changed so it doesn't surprize me.........

        Comment


        • #5
          sorry to the other post and what i asked the lawyer yesterday re this issue. His response:

          All items after a 24 year marriage are bought common - there are gifts and the the like but overall everything is common. what brings to personal is the items we wear like clothes and underwear, her jewelery is personal, my tools that were bought for my use are personal, the dvd's i bought for my use and were considered the dvd's that are daddies (and many were gifts along the way - personal.

          The laptop computer we bought but was a family item (we all used it) it was for mom to use on the couch when she watched tv, the kids used it for homework, i used it when i was laid out flat on my back........... is that family or Mom's? hard one - i leave it to mom.

          the printer and scanner setup I found, bought, and setup and was my setup goes back many years, known as dads computer stuff - lawyer says this falls under personal. Is there another printer there that will work there YES - why will it not for me....because it doesn't work with usb or network cable - won't work for me here as i am using a laptop that can't use a LPT1 printer cable connection - the newer one will because it is usb...... I found a cheap used one (Printer) the fellow dellivered, setup, hooked up and got my laptop configured and printing nice of him - i did this to avoid a fight.

          Huge painting studio the wife used to paint, her painting sppot - this is personal (she does not have one though - it was a good example the lawyer used)

          the family tv that i got as a present from my mom - personal but used by the whole family - it can stay where it is for the family to use. But the lawyer said, you have the receipt for a big item like that - Yes - he said then it is personal and if you wwanted it now it would be in your right to do so.

          What do we do about the little things? who keeps reciepts for 6 years for a $20 board game of backgammon????? So to me I put it out there (the question) hoping for opinions, maybe something that can be expressed to my EX so she can accept what looks like fair law. (heck I even called th epolice staion for how that works - she said it is police discretion unless the officer is provided with some form of official documant that he could refer to - but descretion may still rest with the officer???

          What I thought was simple is not - seems nothing is simple these days.

          Comment


          • #6
            long time ago when an ex moved out the officer let him take things and so did i. I drew the line at the fridge we both put money towards and was filled with food i bought. I objected and the officer said it stayed and the lawyers could fight it out. Not sure if things have changed since then but may be something to ask. No sense in wasting an officers time if she objects to stuff and he will not let you take it

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            • #7
              ddol...I apparently only have approval to take my 'toiletries' and clothing. The rest is considered 'joint' and to be split as part of the separation agreement. My ex will not let us split now (he has everything in the marital house). My lawyer said we can't do anything about it, as if we go to court the judge could rule that it is part of the final separation agreement and it could be wasted money.

              Comment


              • #8
                I admit - you put a smile on my face!!!! my man fridge - long story short 4th or 5th try and they got one working - side by side top of the line ice cubes stainless steel professioanal series........hmmmm - can i slip it in with my little dvd player and a roll of paper towels??? oh and i asked for my glass that my daughter just gave to me for xmas............. i am holding my breath on that one....

                But the fridge - i am using the little under the counter kind - a bottle of pop and the door can't close........ but if i had my fridge...... shoot i wonn't be able to get out unless it is thru the window.......i guess i leave it behind....sigh.. ;-)))

                Comment


                • #9
                  I really hope i get my dvd player - i really miss that. last delivery i got my sport heating pad that i sleep with almost nightly - pain+heat+moisture=an easier morning.......and i only used it now three times in three days i had it. She let me get that but not.......????

                  One thing lawyer did say is under all circumstance - every move she makes now, her petty crap, my beieng reasonable and really trying - and sad to bring it up.....he did - the records of my health by not one professional but a novel's worth.......should go to my favour and make his job much easier (and we both read that as CHEAPER IN FEES) when he stands in front of judge. The big stuff he said - just think of the big stuff, the stuff that will impact my future - not a dvd player I certainly realize. lawyer said from now on everything in writing. emails.......show your attempt at communication, fair and reasonable...... will help him help me.......

                  Sorry But I miss my dvd player!! :-(((((

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    ddol-She is being ridiculous (but I'm sure we never really expected anything more from her at this point). All it is doing is proving her poor character/judgement at this point in her life. I do hope it turns around on her soon enough, and she has regrets for how poorly she has treated you.
                    She has to try and sleep with the guilt which is a hard thing to do...at some point you can be rest assured she will have a hard time dealing with what she has done and it will weigh on her soul.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      my eldest just came by from finishing work at the hospital. Although I took this one on one face to face to make sure she does not get in the middle and respectfully she told me she just didn't know anymore - what can she, what can,t she what is Mom going to say and I believe this arrangement has been forced to close...... but only for the reason of the pressure which the kids again do not recognize (this I do find frustrating and as per training 101 I just let it go and get it far away from our next topic of discussion)

                      Apparrantly they (the kids) choose not to work together and seems according to the eldest, her brother has resumed his desire to play xbox 360 and she elected not to ask him for help..... but I told her, "I mentioned the things that He knows because he said he moved some.....in the list! and on the phone last" you are looking for things that your brother knows perfectly well because he told me where he put it........ so It(communication has always beeen so hard -e ven amongst the kids which is sad. Today my eldest did say she was coming over for a quick stop. Ok - I appreciate anything and everything they do.

                      As I emphasized with her coming now if she could just grab the file box that sits right by my box case.....(would solve many problems today and time felt like a long slow motion because I knoiw only as of the last message to me that mom has inflicted her "damage". This has gotten out of hand but maybe by the third time she spurts out "BUt I am coming from the hospital!", again I with ecitement said "Oh I didn't know you were coming from there! - I look forward to your arrival!!! My kids have yet to get the basic communication down "like i am not at home, i am coming from the hospital now - easy one, two three word statements that allows the recipeint to get fully up to speed quickly. Very much like mom who assumes the other person knows this information because ESP made it so........

                      I learned a great deal of what mom has been doing in the house, continuing her methods in my absence and even thogh my requestes were simple make life easier for me and my issues, to set up a little better to eat freash vs. processed foods which i believe the salt increases my leg swelling dramatially (been serious issue this week) I have just tried to set me up with old crap from the house to "save money". As my eldest said but you could go to the dollar store for some and other s walmart and I respectfully responded, yes and $5 here, $19 there, $4 then 18 $1's.......and $300, $400 later. I just tried to be frugal and in the end costs will on......I stopped right there - "I am just trying to make something of my life here from essentially extras, scraps and leftovers that are in what is a house to which I am a principle investor.

                      Hard not to say that the lawyer advized in the end this all will be absorbed into the costs and it will increase her side? My trying to be frugal is th eright thingt o do but not any more. So cuttiing things short we agreed that communication could have been better, things like when I asked for the three little shelves that were all my medicine and related medical - I said just grab a box from the work shop and clear the whole thing into.......and then she said but that is when Ryan asked and I told him to k=just take the few bottles that were on the bottom. Sadly I just said and this is why an easy task gets left on a list 6 times because each time i still miss things - I am still missing some of my medical perscriptions from that "shelf" and staraight below......is my medical records which she claimed is gone, given to me.......Important because it is all the notes with my gp and all my persription intake history - a history that is important for the continuation of my ongoing health records - I need those 200 or so plus pages........ I must look real hard here in case they were tucked in something buyt I am sure I just did it this morning!!!!!

                      lawyer on Monday - and I took pictures of all the contents ont the shelves!!!! I am not loosing my mind anymore! It is so peaceful here to live a hard life in a little room without contstant drilling and what is it????? plain old peace when I lay my head and the same when I rise the next day - I am in a good place- the right place for now,,,,,,,, Again thanks to all to help the sanity, help my kids yo have been more than casual - you are offering my contact with the world...... For now!!!! Back to confusion - sorry papers!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        When my "split" occurred - well.. It was two-part. He got arrested but was later accompanied by Police to p/up a few essentials. Some clothes, his glasses, whatever. After that - he sent a list of items he wanted and I agreed and someone we both knew arrived w/a straight truck and within a couple of hours, the sh*t was loaded. Speaking of sh*t... He later repeated over and over again to the Courts (and to anyone that would listen) that he left with "nothing." The alternative to how we did it would have been to have the Police escort/supervise his removal of items at an agreed upon time (w/me). I almost wish I had done that because I cannot tell you how MANY times I heard the "I got nothing" lie told over and over again. It is in court documents, sworn affadavits. Such BS. In Hindsight: I wish I had totally itemized everything that left here (as per his "list" - God knows where THAT is) and I should have had it signed, dated, and witnessed.

                        It's a total pain in the ass (all of this is) but keep a detailed inventory of what items you would like, and which items you do or do not receive. He also had business files here which would have been of no use to me. His brother picked those up (8 or 9 boxes) and that too was denied. I should've taken a picture of the brother loading the boxes and had him sign a delivery slip, anything. Such Crap.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Possessions might be joint matrimonial property but not sure that one party or the other necessarily gets possession just because they remain in the matrimonial home.

                          Make lists, take photos and then decide who will "store" the items till final division.

                          Or divide household contents right off based on what each party wants.

                          If you need something for your job (such as tools) , you will get to remove it.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            This is sad on my part but I truely am thinking that my darling ex lost the meaning......lost her soul........the day she found out that she wasn't going to be allowed to walk away from her husband after all these years - she honestly thought it was lets be fair - after all of the last 5 years her thought of fair was to split everything 50/50 - take my RRSP and because I worked hard at getting decent returns during the earlier years and she left hers in GIC'S and the like (worse actually) so her returns were bismal - so she wanted my returns and she would then walk.

                            I remember the day I opened the internet and in the two hours I learned so much, something called spousal support if it is warrranted, things like disability accident injury awards stay with the person who is disabled with family law holding that indeed these were monies which were not divisable or shareable with any other party even a spouse.... it goes on but I feel proud and privileged to have found this forum and I was on my way. I have taken the time and effort to understand what is going to be--------what the heck is she going to turn into when she finds out the truth of the statement unequal division of net family property. What transformation will I see then????

                            For years now I have listened to my ex vent her hatred to the people in our family Health Team - the group of dedicated doctors, nurses, support staff, the phychologists and social workers and more recently, and yes once she asked for her divorce, the people on this forum - the reason that I, for the first time, was finally getting the real help that gave me a chance to learn how to help myself - to fight and regain my life that was slipping away and I began to make the changes in my life that should have been made years ago - I no longer gave hand over foot to my wife and she resented everyone who was forcing this change on her, change that she refused to accept. She very adamantly and with consistency blamed these people, then blamed this forum for filling my head with garbage that she had to face everyday when she came home (This garbage being the things I was learning here and the things I was learning to protect myself, to protect my future.

                            Every day that she came home from the job she had nothing good to say of the people she worked with, home to someone she had nothing good to say, never willing to really learn what issues i lived with everyday and more importantly why it was so important for me to begin my journey. The need to grow. The need to change, to find life, life that was slipping through my fingers faster everyday. She resented your helping to enpower me to face what I was to learn, a matter of life and death therefore forcing her to make a choice that ultimately she was not willing to make..

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Hi beebie, just a very quick response. One thing I did do was grab evidence of everything, digital photos of everything- lists and more. Something that I think she has no clue on what I do have. I do not want the problems and much of the furniture we have is furniture I made with my own hands - all solid hardwood. There are tools, tools which was for my working days, and then the house renos, so much was gained in the upgrading of our homes and the profits as we sold - these tools paid for themselves 10 times over! But I do not want to go out and hunt for replacement things that I have proof should "she lose" it, or more..... I do no want any hassles but this is the only thing I ever got - HASSLES....depressing but I am not going to dwell on it.

                              Comment

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