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  • #31
    [QUOTE=dad2bandm;139138]The original post is hard to follow, because as one put it already, it's a "wall of text".

    I don't think the "father has been in and out of her life for the past 4 years" statement is very fair, since that seems to be a direct result of the child being removed from the child's original province, by Mom (the original poster).

    You are actually very wrong. We only moved 5 months ago. Before that we lived 20min apart (and he was the one who moved 20min away) and he still never made an effort to see or talk to her. We lived there for 4 years and he probably saw her a dozen times after the first year. And that isn't me. I only said no when he was being unsafe (suicidal/she was afraid of him/assaulted me etc) and only until he could show he had gotten himself under control and was safe (and he was always welcome to come and see her in that time). But most of the time he would just disappear then call 3 months later to say he had lost his phone or some junk like that. I know people think moms are out to screw exes but I am not. I am just protecting my daughter.

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    • #32
      Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
      You've already reduced your ex's parenting time to next to nothing and have minimized them as a parent to a visitor in the child's life....what more do you want to accomplish by playing hardball now? I understand safety concerns, but without something that says kids can't be in the truck, you've unlikely to be successful.

      He has actually seen her 4 times since we moved (once we came to BC and 3 times at our place here in AB) which is about DOUBLE what he was seeing her before. I haven't reduced anything. It was his idea to make visitation in AB not BC because he drives out here and is rarely home. We even let him park his rig on our acreage for the weekend and she spent most of the weekend hanging out with him (this was 2 weeks ago) here - I even fed him while he was here so they could have meals together (and he wasn't restricted to our property but he only had the semi with him) I am hardly playing "hardball" I am trying to make sure she is safe thats all. I have always been open to compromise - and I never said I WOULDN'T fly her to BC if he was home and wanted his visit there.

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      • #33
        Originally posted by arabian View Post
        No assumptions of father being a "drunken druggie" at all.

        Father has limited, difficult access to his daughter due to mother moving out-of-province. Court order is in place.

        Father likely has little options, due to mother's refusal to obey court order, on when he can spend time with child.

        That is how I see it.

        Unfortunately Arabian you see it wrong (we have QH/Appys ). We only moved 5 months ago. I have NEVER refused to obey ANY court order. Its JUNE and it says he gets 2 weeks per year, this was just set in December of last year so we haven't actually had to plan the summer visit yet and I am trying here. Also he gets a weekend a month in AB (he set it up in AB, not me) and he doesn't give me ANY notice (calls on Sat AM that he *might* be avail SAT night and the like) but I still accomodate because I know its the only time she gets with him). You have the complete wrong impression of me. I don't think the truck is safe (now a moot point as his company doesn't allow passengers). I am trying VERY hard to compromise and never said I wouldn't fly her out if he will actually BE in BC and not at work in AB.

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        • #34
          Originally posted by arabian View Post

          In the case of the OP I can understand her anxiety. However, it seems she has brought the problem on herself. She left BC with the baby. The father exercised his rights and tried to stop her from moving away. I would hazard a guess that because he was a trucker, and not home on regular basis, he lost his fight to have the mother remain in the province with his child. That, IN MY OPINION, is wrong. I think the mother should have been made to stay in BC with the child.
          .
          I didn't "leave bc with the baby" I moved 6 months ago with a 6yr old whose father never made an effort to see her for the last 4yrs and didn't care until he realized he couldn't just show up every 6 months and demand to see her if we were in another province....and he wasn't long-haul when we left. He was fired from that job (for dangerous driving as usual...) He actually told me the company he works for now is the only one that would hire him as he has no good references and tons of points on his license..... So you were unfortunately wrong about why he lost, I had a record of his contact (or lack thereof) including phone calls for the past 2 years...and my fiances income went from $12 to $25 an hour by moving here and since he is our sole supporter the judge allowed us to move. It might have been different if my ex had made an effort to see her the last 4yrs while we were in BC but I am STILL trying to make sure he does see her. A judge making us stay in poverty in BC just in case my ex wanted to see his daughter every 6m when he felt like it would have been silly...and my ex even had a lawyer.

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          • #35
            Originally posted by mcdreamy View Post
            Back to the op, think she should screw the dad on his 2 weeks? Because obviously, when you posted your opinion the first time, you didn't offer the disclaimer as to o/o. Both Erb and Schneider (family friendly) have depots in Alberta. You might think you are far away living in your own little world, but really, you aren't. It's a small country, especially when you long haul. You aren't big on disclaimers, are you? Remember.. In My Opinion.

            Nobody is "screwing" anybody. I didn't say he couldn't see her. I just didn't want her stuck in the truck 14hrs a day for 2 weeks. He is not an O/O either. I even said if he couldn't take full 2 weeks off we have family and friends who can take her while he is at work and maybe he can arrange his runs so he can have his weekend plus a few days off - and it doesn't say 2 consecutive weeks either.

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            • #36
              Over The Top

              This thread has gone over the top and starting to read like the plot of a really bad Sylvester Stallone movie...

              Lincoln Hawk is a struggling trucker who arm wrestles on the side to make extra cash while trying to rebuild his life. Hawk's estranged wife Christina, who is very ill, asks that Hawk pick up their son Michael from military school so that the two of them can get to know each other; Hawk had left them 10 years earlier. His controlling grandfather Jason Cutler, a wealthy man who hates Hawk and disapproved of his daughter's relationship with him, believes that Hawk has no right to be in his grandson's life. Mike is very distrusting and bitter towards Hawk initially and treats him with contempt at every turn.

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              • #37
                Originally posted by Mess View Post
                Why the exclmation mark? Are you shocked? Did you think you could just up and move to another province and none of the issues land on your shoulders? This is the most common ruling in a situation like this, and it is more than fair.
                Yes I guess I was a bit shocked as he has a higher income than us as it is, and I thought splitting the cost was fair. It doesn't matter he came up with the current solution, not me.

                Originally posted by Mess View Post
                Again, this is extremely common and fair to both the child and the father. It is nothing to feel put out about. It is something you can and should put every effort into facilitating. That means going to a bit of trouble and accepting some inconvenience, and being willing to compromise. You have the wonderful situation of being with your child 50 weeks of the year; the father doesn't.
                I didn't say I was surprised about the 2 weeks. I was just giving information. I am trying to work it out with him but he doesn't give any information except "I can't take time off". I didn't say he had to TAKE 2 weeks off. I just asked him to let me know when he wanted to plan it.

                Originally posted by Mess View Post
                I applaud your honesty at least, but you need to deal with these emotions without letting it come between the child and the father.
                I have not let anything come between child and father. I haven't stopped him from seeing her at all. My concerns were with her safety which is legitimate.

                Originally posted by Mess View Post
                Although it's not exactly the same thing, many families vacation in an RV for weeks at a time with their children. Does she have proper child seat in the truck? If so, this is not something for you to take issue with. It is a chance for them to spend time together and get to know each other. Being adamantly opposed to something is rarely the way to resolve a conflict. You will have to make a case for what you want. You will have to make a sound logical argument and find factual information to back up your beliefs. You should start by finding studies that show the psychological damage caused by children accompanying their parent on a long road trip. Make sure that you find unbiased, peer reviewed studies by recognized experts. But you want the choice to control where they are, what they are doing, and how they are travelling?
                This is NOT the same as an RV, sorry. This is 12-14hrs of driving straight. Little to no stops as there is a deadline (meaning no bathrooms etc) and the concern of her distracting him while driving is a real danger. You can't stop often, she can't get out of the carseat and its moot because his company doesn't allow passengers. Its WORK. NOT recreation. If he had an RV and wanted to take her on a road trip this would not be an issue, I would be worried of course since he is irresponsible, but there would be nothing for me to stop.

                Originally posted by Mess View Post
                Not relevant to anything, I hope this isn't what is motivating you.
                It was relevant only because I was going to say something regarding her staying somewhere while he was at work, as long as she is safe thats none of my business.

                Originally posted by Mess View Post
                I don't understand. I am sure that when he tells you what you can or cannot do, you are completely open to his instructions. Of course he should do exactly what you tell him to do without getting upset. MEN!
                He thinks everyone should bow down to what he wants...not I. I just want her to be safe. The only thing I did was move to try and give both of my girls a better life. I didn't disrupt a relationship by doing it either, they didn't have one. He never asked to see her when we lived close.

                Originally posted by Mess View Post
                Not unless you can prove factually that her health or safety is at risk.
                With enough time I probably could...as he has been fired 5 times for dangerous driving (that I know of) but its moot as his company doesn't allow passengers.

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                • #38
                  Originally posted by Tayken View Post
                  This thread has gone over the top and starting to read like the plot of a really bad Sylvester Stallone movie...




                  lmao thanks I needed that! Oh you have no idea! Most of my life reads like a bad movie! Hoping thats all behind me now though...so long as we can figure out the summer visitation issue!

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                  • #39
                    Thought this was interesting;

                    12_09Unauthorized Passenger

                    I will search for a Canadian reference.

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                    • #40
                      Originally posted by OhMy View Post
                      Thought this was interesting;

                      12_09Unauthorized Passenger

                      I will search for a Canadian reference.

                      Thanks will check it out

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Originally posted by Azias_Mommy View Post
                        I called the company he works for anonymously and the owner told me they are not allowed ANY passengers, minors or otherwise. So my ex is going to have to figure something else out.
                        Rather than telling your ex that, I would simply tell him you have some concerns but if he could provide you with a verifiable letter from his employer that it is ok, then you would have no problems with it. If it turns out that there is an issue with bringing a young child onboard while working, then other plans will have to be made.

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                        • #42
                          Originally posted by HappyDays View Post
                          Rather than telling your ex that, I would simply tell him you have some concerns but if he could provide you with a verifiable letter from his employer that it is ok, then you would have no problems with it. If it turns out that there is an issue with bringing a young child onboard while working, then other plans will have to be made.
                          Yes that was my plan! I know he won't be able to get the letter. He needs to realize there is give and take on BOTH sides and he can't just do whatever he wants - it has to be in her best interest. I don't want her staying with him AT ALL but since I don't have PROOF of his irresponsibility there is nothing I can do. So I will try and make it work in the safest way possible for my daughter. If he would just tell me WHEN he wants to have his time with her we could make arrangements...but he won't. I don't think he even realizes he could go to work still and leave her with my parents/friends or even his gf (shudder! unfortunately a terrible MORAL influence but no danger that I know of so nothing I can do there either) as long as she is safe...all he is thinking about is what HE wants and won't compromise on it. Its the same thing he did when we wanted to move - he would not compromise AT ALL on a visitation schedule so the judge had to make it up. He just kept repeating "NO! They just can't leave and thats that." to the judge....which apparently they don't like when they are asking you to compromise lol. He is like a giant 5 year old. If he doesn't get EXACTLY what he wants he shuts me out and won't compromise or talk about it. Very frustrating.

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                          • #43
                            Originally posted by Azias_Mommy View Post
                            Unfortunately Arabian you see it wrong (we have QH/Appys ). We only moved 5 months ago. I have NEVER refused to obey ANY court order. Its JUNE and it says he gets 2 weeks per year, this was just set in December of last year so we haven't actually had to plan the summer visit yet and I am trying here. Also he gets a weekend a month in AB (he set it up in AB, not me) and he doesn't give me ANY notice (calls on Sat AM that he *might* be avail SAT night and the like) but I still accomodate because I know its the only time she gets with him). You have the complete wrong impression of me. I don't think the truck is safe (now a moot point as his company doesn't allow passengers). I am trying VERY hard to compromise and never said I wouldn't fly her out if he will actually BE in BC and not at work in AB.

                            Thanks for clarifying. Probably very hard to plan with his type of employment. He likely does have a cell phone though and should be able to work out times. All he has to do is explain to his dispatcher that he needs to know when pickup and delivery times are scheduled for his loads etc. Some companies have log-in/log-out schedules which are accessible online.

                            Comment

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