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  • 3kids,ocl involvement and trial reconciliation

    Hi all,
    I would greatly appreciate some suggestions on my current situation and also a referal for a senior Toronto lawyer ideally with experience in OCL and autism cases.

    I have 3 small children (6,4 and 3) and the middle one has mild autism. I have been fully involved with the children since their births and have been the autistic child primary care giver over last almost 2 years.

    I separated from my wife 2.5 years ago however continued to live under the same roof for 2 years and then some 6 months ago she moved out unexpectedly with the children. I remained in the MH as I had the house from before the marriage and I was still sole on title. She did not apply for exclusive temporary posession.

    We ended up with a Consent Order in court (so that I can see my kids) whereby we left out custody and primary residence (ie we are still joint) and I have close to 30% of the time.

    She wants sole custody (as per the action opened against me when she moved out) and the OCL is now involved.

    We are discussing a possible trial reconciliation (trial for 1 year or more) under the following terms:

    1. she comes back to live in the MH
    2. we start by living in separate bedrooms, etc (so truly a separation under the same roof regime) and "upgrade" to normal life later if possible

    She clearly regrets deeply not getting me out of the house. I don't know if she has true intentions of reconciling of whether or not this is just a plan to kick me out of the house once she comes back.

    My questions are these.

    1. what kind of marital agreement do I need to make it air tight (and would this stand in court) to protect myself against a possible plan by her to kick me out of the MH ? I am willing to give her in writing that should I later separate again, I will move out however should she separate later she should move out (which she does not agree with hence further substantiating my suspicions). I am also willing to settle financials before the trial reconciliation. Would this practically eliminate any future claims to the house.

    2. she does not work and does not want to work to retain primary caregiver claim. i work but have great flexibility plus 2/5 work from home days a week.

    3. she wants to stop the OCL S112 investigation

    What would be my best course of action with respect to protecting myself against her possible plans for sole custody and exclusive possession of MH WHILE for the sake of the kids, trying a reconciliation however if it does not work and SHE SEPARATES from me I want to retain joint custody, ideally 50-50 access and to remain in the MH.

    If a custody order is in place, does a true reconciliation trump it ?

    Your input and lawyer referral are much appreciated

    Dadx3

  • #2
    One question that begs to be answered is, do you really want to live in such an environment where you are always looking over your shoulder for your ex to have you booted out of the house? Your only protection will be not engaging her in the drama and constantly wearing a digital voice recorder....

    Further do you want your kids to be party to the tension? You know, sometimes 2 happy homes is better than 1 unhappy home.

    I would also never agree that should I breakup with someone, I would leave the house. That sort of thinking is going to put you on a one way trip to the Every-other-weekend-daddy-screw-job with your kids. If you guys don't work out, well....that happens. But it doesn't mean you should leave your kids.

    She will have to find work as you are not going to be expected to support her forever.

    Personally, I wouldn't let her back in the house, I would continue with the OCL investigation and push for 50/50 now. Unless you truely want to reconcile because you love and want to remain with this person, I see little to no upside in attempting it.

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