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Ok. I'm going to give this another try. I've spent a few days going back in time reading many posts in this forum, and really want help with my situation and see so many with so much knowledge. I also feel there are a few insights I may be able to provide to others as well, no where near the quality of information and advice provided by such posters as Tayken, but I've had a few experiences that may also help others....
(So you know - I am very fearful of my identity being discovered, so may try to leave out details that may identify me to my x)
- Common law 11-12 years
- Separated 5 years ago
- 1 child, 15 (10 at time of separation)
- Owned home, vehicles, boats, machinery, RRSPs, etc.
x always worked out of town, usually came home weekends only (but not always - X had very serious addiction problems most of our time together. I was a social drinker at the time (friends over for dinner, July 1 parties, etc., but nothing more, just to put this into perspective). He was a "functioning addict" and could maintain his job, with many "sick days."
I stayed because I was afraid to leave - afraid For many reasons. That's all ill say about that. We both work at good jobs, I am a professional, he a trades person. Both quite good jobs. None of this really matters to my situation now, but I wanted to give you a bit of where I'm coming from and why I agreed to what I did.
At the time of separation, I agreed to the following (assets all of which were acquired during the relationship):
1 - Considerably less than half of the house net value paid out - a considerable amount of money. This house was originally purchased by my parents on our behalf, but was able to move it into a mortgage after a few years in our names to pay my parents off. He kept the house - he refused to leave or let me keep it. I couldn't afford it, anyway.
2 - No portion of the RRSPs. Although accumulated while we were together, none were in my name.
3 - No SS, although I was making less $$ than he was at the time.
4 - The one vehicle that I was leasing in my name (he kept the other two owned vehicles, older)
5 - He kept the boat, I took the significant debt for it with me because the loan was in my name and I knew he wouldn't pay it.
6 - He would only agree to a lessened child support amount (about $200 per
month less than the table amount for his income amount at the time). He verbally agreed to "help out" with sports expenses, but that never made it into the written agreement.
The only thing of real value: our child. X only "fought" me on money and assets - he didn't argue about custody of our child or his visitation amount, with the exception of the amount of child support.
Because he worked in another location, theres no way we could have had 50/50 custody, even if he had wanted it. he was fine with EOW and alternate holidays, like Christmas.
Our SA was signed within 2 months of first "discussing" separation. Nothing ever went to court. Lawyers drew up the agreement and we both signed. Done. 2 months and done.
Now, fast forward. Our child is an amazing young man in many, many ways. (neither here nor there, i just am so proud of him, I cant help myself) Really.
And he is also an amazing athlete with true potential for scholarships in his post-secondary future, which is a dream/goal for him. He plays for AAA rep teams and will be attending OFSAA events with his school teams and individual events, even though he is only in grade 9.
Here's the problem: this is costing me a GREAT deal of money - about $15,000 for this winter's hockey teams, travel, equipment, fees alone, and, as I agreed, am receiving less child support than table amounts list and NO extraordinary expense help.
I now that amount is extraordinarily extraordinary, but i am not asking for any of that right now. I just want table amount at this point. He would not disclose his income to me in the last 5 years until recently.
In January, I let him know that I would be seeking an increase in CS based on my estimation of his income. He stalled, and made promises to disclose and eventually provided me with a single sheet of paper listing line 150 amounts from the last 3 years (I think this came from his accountant). Based on the most recent line 150 (2011), I requested the increase. His replies to me included "see you in court" and "stick your deadline, nothing changes until we go to court" etc.
So, I first registered (filed?) the original signed SA, then filed a Motion to Change.
I asked for CS, table amount only, based on the info I was provided. I thought it was so straight-forward that i could just self-represent. Mistake? probably.
The first court date was set for what ended up to be day 28 of service (it took 2 weeks to get him served and put us inside the 30 day response time). I went to court on the date as advised anyway, he didn't come but asked duty counsel to speak on his behalf to ask for adjournment.
I had not been served with an answer yet, so had no idea what he would come back with. (Keep in mind - I'm scared out of my mind, never having stepped foot in a courtroom before in my life).
Adjourn for another month? I Agreed. So, after day 30, I had not received an answer, response, nothing from X. I was advised by duty counsel to file Affidavit for Uncontested Trial (said local judges prefer this over a 14b). And that's it. I'm waiting for the next court date, which is soon.
I know some of you may be thinking that I'm the idiot who agreed to this in the first place, but at the time, I felt it was what I had to do to keep from going to court and dragging the separation out. I was concerned that our child would be damaged if it did drag on. X can be extremely cruel toward me and about me and doesn't care who hears it or sees it, including our child. I just needed to get out ASAP and with giving x as much as possible of what he wanted ($) to keep things from getting ugly.
So... What can I expect at the next hearing, assuming X shows up?
Thanking you in advance to be kind, but honest with me.
(So you know - I am very fearful of my identity being discovered, so may try to leave out details that may identify me to my x)
- Common law 11-12 years
- Separated 5 years ago
- 1 child, 15 (10 at time of separation)
- Owned home, vehicles, boats, machinery, RRSPs, etc.
x always worked out of town, usually came home weekends only (but not always - X had very serious addiction problems most of our time together. I was a social drinker at the time (friends over for dinner, July 1 parties, etc., but nothing more, just to put this into perspective). He was a "functioning addict" and could maintain his job, with many "sick days."
I stayed because I was afraid to leave - afraid For many reasons. That's all ill say about that. We both work at good jobs, I am a professional, he a trades person. Both quite good jobs. None of this really matters to my situation now, but I wanted to give you a bit of where I'm coming from and why I agreed to what I did.
At the time of separation, I agreed to the following (assets all of which were acquired during the relationship):
1 - Considerably less than half of the house net value paid out - a considerable amount of money. This house was originally purchased by my parents on our behalf, but was able to move it into a mortgage after a few years in our names to pay my parents off. He kept the house - he refused to leave or let me keep it. I couldn't afford it, anyway.
2 - No portion of the RRSPs. Although accumulated while we were together, none were in my name.
3 - No SS, although I was making less $$ than he was at the time.
4 - The one vehicle that I was leasing in my name (he kept the other two owned vehicles, older)
5 - He kept the boat, I took the significant debt for it with me because the loan was in my name and I knew he wouldn't pay it.
6 - He would only agree to a lessened child support amount (about $200 per
month less than the table amount for his income amount at the time). He verbally agreed to "help out" with sports expenses, but that never made it into the written agreement.
The only thing of real value: our child. X only "fought" me on money and assets - he didn't argue about custody of our child or his visitation amount, with the exception of the amount of child support.
Because he worked in another location, theres no way we could have had 50/50 custody, even if he had wanted it. he was fine with EOW and alternate holidays, like Christmas.
Our SA was signed within 2 months of first "discussing" separation. Nothing ever went to court. Lawyers drew up the agreement and we both signed. Done. 2 months and done.
Now, fast forward. Our child is an amazing young man in many, many ways. (neither here nor there, i just am so proud of him, I cant help myself) Really.
And he is also an amazing athlete with true potential for scholarships in his post-secondary future, which is a dream/goal for him. He plays for AAA rep teams and will be attending OFSAA events with his school teams and individual events, even though he is only in grade 9.
Here's the problem: this is costing me a GREAT deal of money - about $15,000 for this winter's hockey teams, travel, equipment, fees alone, and, as I agreed, am receiving less child support than table amounts list and NO extraordinary expense help.
I now that amount is extraordinarily extraordinary, but i am not asking for any of that right now. I just want table amount at this point. He would not disclose his income to me in the last 5 years until recently.
In January, I let him know that I would be seeking an increase in CS based on my estimation of his income. He stalled, and made promises to disclose and eventually provided me with a single sheet of paper listing line 150 amounts from the last 3 years (I think this came from his accountant). Based on the most recent line 150 (2011), I requested the increase. His replies to me included "see you in court" and "stick your deadline, nothing changes until we go to court" etc.
So, I first registered (filed?) the original signed SA, then filed a Motion to Change.
I asked for CS, table amount only, based on the info I was provided. I thought it was so straight-forward that i could just self-represent. Mistake? probably.
The first court date was set for what ended up to be day 28 of service (it took 2 weeks to get him served and put us inside the 30 day response time). I went to court on the date as advised anyway, he didn't come but asked duty counsel to speak on his behalf to ask for adjournment.
I had not been served with an answer yet, so had no idea what he would come back with. (Keep in mind - I'm scared out of my mind, never having stepped foot in a courtroom before in my life).
Adjourn for another month? I Agreed. So, after day 30, I had not received an answer, response, nothing from X. I was advised by duty counsel to file Affidavit for Uncontested Trial (said local judges prefer this over a 14b). And that's it. I'm waiting for the next court date, which is soon.
I know some of you may be thinking that I'm the idiot who agreed to this in the first place, but at the time, I felt it was what I had to do to keep from going to court and dragging the separation out. I was concerned that our child would be damaged if it did drag on. X can be extremely cruel toward me and about me and doesn't care who hears it or sees it, including our child. I just needed to get out ASAP and with giving x as much as possible of what he wanted ($) to keep things from getting ugly.
So... What can I expect at the next hearing, assuming X shows up?
Thanking you in advance to be kind, but honest with me.
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