Emotional Abuse by Mother

[rcortiula]

History:
.
Nov 2007 - CAS placed my son N2004 into my care becuase of drug abuse problems with mother. Supervised visits with mother.
August 2010 - CAS orders supervised visits again due to drug abuse issues with mother.
October 2012 - CAS opens protection order against mother (Finally) but have excluded my son because he lives with me out of their jurisdiction. This time CAS isnt really interested into hosting supervised visits for my son. The father of my sons older brother keeps letting his son go there and my son doesnt understand.
My sons mother also has his brother make calls about acccess to him.

Mother keeps calling and telling our son that I am lying to him and he is allowed to visit.

I got an order for her to stop those calls but they continue and she says she doesnt care about the court order.

I have called the police 2x now beacuse of threatining calls. Where she is making vauge threats against myself, my wife, my relationship with my son (ex. Your son is going to hate you, Ill make sure of that, and I cannot f'n wait). Unfortunaltely my word against her!

At what point is it acceptable to stop all contact with his mother?
Should I file a contempt motion?

This woman is 2 weeks clean to date, and thinks she should be able to be alone with her kids.

Need advice. No Lawyer.

[wretchedotis]

CAS isn't interested?

Well, call 'em up and get them interested.
Your claims are more than enough for CAS to be involved with the child, you, and MOM.
Open another claim/file with them if you have to.

In the mean time - start recording your conversations. Then it's no longer 'he said she said'.

Commence a motion of contempt at the same time.

Ultimately, it is only YOUR job to protect the child. Only you are front and center in the situation and know all the details.

Certainly ENSURE you are NOT using emotional logic - and if you are certain of this, then maybe you need to make the call and forbid access. Expect court action if you do - so be prepared to defend your position.

[rcortiula]

The CAS of my city is not getting involved because they feel that the CAS in her area should be handling it and the CAS of her area are leaving my son out of there protection concerns.

I have called my CAS on more than one occasion but they just give me a little advice but say because he is in a stable place and not in her care they will not get involved.

[Moolight]

How old is the child? also be carefull in your definition of threats as I do nto see the security threat in what your saying. We are talking about phone conversation here.

You may restric your own communication to email only and have a schedule phone call access to the child.

Do you have sole custody of the child? it seems to me that you are also missing an order on the mother access restriction or condition to the child.

You mention the protection order against the mother but excluding your son. It is not clear, does CAS judge she can or not see the children?

It seems that you are missing family court order to clarify access restrictions and conditions. You also need a written clarification from CAS on why they are interested in surpervised access and if there is security issue as that would facilite your case in court.

Mother's reaction with the threat mentioned is a normal reaction so you have to remove your emotion and really determine if there is really a security threat or just wind. We all get our share of this type of threats.

Limit your own interaction with her and to emails only but allow the child to phone access. I do not know if you can record their phone conversation.

As far for the brother, do they see each other? How close are they? You may wish to enable contact between brother via the other father.

[standing on the sidelines]

Wonderful invention, this thing called call display. If you dont recognize the number or recognize it is associated with her dont answer. Or better yet, get a new unlisted phone number and dont give it to her. Get a call trace done and inform the phone company you are get harrassing phone calls. Or if you do not want to do that then as soon as you hear her voice, HANG UP THE PHONE, dont talk to her.

The older brother and your child should see each other. Just because their mom has issues is no reason for them to suffer anymore.

[rcortiula]

Court Order currently states that mother is to have NO access unless approved by the CAS.
CAS only will do access during school hours, and hours that are near impossible for me to meet due to work. Further to that I do not believe taking out of school is the best idea either. With that said I am pushing on CAS for visitation outside of school hours.

My intention is not to keep our son from his mother. What concerns me it the fact she calls and does everything she can to make our son feel shitty about what is going on.

As for his brothers I attempt to have them down. One father keeps putting it off the other father does from time to time get the boys together. I will never be as much as they like but I do keep trying.

Right now I do not have sole custody; The matter is in front of the courts now; she has not shown up 3x now, so I keeps getting put over.

As for the threat, she has assaulted myself and the other fathers at one time or another so any threat needs to be taken seriously.

[hadenough]

To be clear: there are 3 fathers? 3 kids (boys), and one of them is your son with her? And what is his age? "N2004" - does that mean he is 9? And age of the other 2 siblings?

The other 2 dads - do one or both of them have sole custody?

[Abeona]

So is the CAS approving access to the mother or not? I would get that in writing from them. If they're saying supervised access, but the only access hours are during school times, ask them if they feel seeing the kids mother is worth him missing school for the supervised access (since the access is to be approved by them). If I were you, I'd really push to have the professionals make the decisions they're supposed to be making, according to your court order.

If it's to be by CAS approval only, put it back on the mother to get the approval. She shouldn't be phoning you demanding access if it's supposed to go through the CAS.

Pick up the equipment to record calls on your phone, if you feel like you have to pick up the phone when she calls. I think you can pick it up at stores like Radio Shack. You can't legally record her calls with your son, but if she's taking to you, you can. If she's making serious threats to you or your family the police should be able to listen to the recording if they don't believe you and then press charges.

[Moolight]

This is confusing as your story with CAS keep changing as it was alluding that even supervised access was no longer an option.

Now you said that CAS would do supervised access but during shool hours. I assuming that translate to their normal business hours.

What about march break, PD days and summer vacation. Did the mother requested those? While CAS has to approve the supervised visit, do they do the supervision themselve or can it be done through the Supervised Access Program Supervised Access Program | Family Services Ottawa

It seems that they do offer some services on weekend and Friday until 8PM. This may be a viable option and they will intervene if there is sign of abuse.

[rcortiula]

I did take my son to the visitation during march break. That is #3 since August 2012.

I was also informed testerday that the CAS will be recommending that visitation be held in my region at an access center for my son and his mother.

CAS does not believe he should leave school for visitation, but will not do the visittion outside of the current visitation set forth for the other children.