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No morals or obligation? Need Reassurance KARMA will prevail!

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  • No morals or obligation? Need Reassurance KARMA will prevail!

    Trying to keep this as short as possible. Married 20 yrs to the man I adored. Two beautiful children, now 19 and 12. X goes through "mid life" or thinks "grass is greener on other side" . Wants things done quick and fair.. so he can move on with life and travel, he feels he lost out on when he married and had family. This was 20 months ago! Hehas continued on...travelling and so forth... while stalling at every lawyer letter to move forward.
    I had a well paying job when we met and when we had children,both agreed one would stay home. That was me, as he was self employed and earned more. Through our marriage we ran and owned 2 businesses. I was responsible for at least 80% of our home business (farm) He ran other business, while I did payroll and books for both businesses.
    I have spent a fortune in borrowed money from family on lawyer fees. X refused any attempt to finalize financials, assets and CS. To this day I have recieved not one penny in support for our 12yr old. Both children reside with me. I had to leave matrimonial home as I had no money for food or heat as he cut me off of bussiness bank accounts. Matrimonial home was a working farm. My lawyer sought court action as final draw on repeated refusal to move forward. Matrimonial home remains vacant. X has let other people use land and live in apartment on farm without my consent. Continues to earn and support new girlfriend that he resides with in her home with her 2 younger children. Has little to no contact with 12yr old, no contact with 19 yr old (was 17 when we separated)
    This just boogles my mind to think he could just walk and abandon my children and myself without a second thought, or with no concequences.
    I am forced to wait until January court case to even start to move forward. Is there any justice in my future? Or will everything continue as it is with him living the high life while I struggle to keep my children fed and under a warm roof??

  • #2
    what a terrible situation. The lack of compassion some people have continues to amaze me although I don't know why. The stalling of OP (and their counsel) is an incredibly huge frustration. The fact that he barely maintains contact with the kids is also disgusting. I have seen that behaviour before. Still, I know there are a lot of good, caring dads out there who would do anything for their kids, regardless of the situation with their former partner.. As for justice; sure - there is some in your future, but for now - you're going to have to wait a while. These things take so long to deal with. I never imagined at the beginning of mine (seemed so simple) that it would drag out mercilessly for 3 years. Keep telling yourself that you will get through this, because you will and I can't imagine any reason why you would not be entitled to spousal support and equalization of the matrimonial home. Best of luck. Stay strong. Your kids are seeing the strength you have and the ability to deal with adversity. Ask your lawyer for a letter of opinion; as in - where does he see this case heading, and what are the reasonable possible outcomes of what you should expect at the "END" ... Best of Luck.

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    • #3
      Reride, this may not be much consolation but when I was growing up, my father was a dead beat to us. My mom never got a penny of support while he lived with his new wife in a nice home with a nice car and the whole bit. She gave up her job to be a housewife with him and have 4 kids. When he left her for a younger woman she was devastated but moved forward, we had years of struggles and hardship growing up but as a grown man I would not have wanted it any other way. Nearing the end of my fathers life his wife left him, he lost his job and was now dirt poor and living off of social assistance. He crawled back to my mom for help, she was kind to him to the extent of letting him come to family dinners so that we could all be with him as he was sick, and let him use her phone to call us as they lived close and all of us kids lived far away and he did not have the money to have a phone. I do not want to seem like I am hijacking this thread, but things will get better. My father is gone now, and I have more respect for my mother then I do for anyone else in the world. She got to tell him that all the greed he wanted in life got him where he was, and all the struggles she went through made her stronger and made us love her more. Goodluck, I know you are as strong as my mother is.

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      • #4
        Thank you iceberg, hadenough and Fireweb13. My children have always been my first priority..... this is why I find it so hard to see my X turn his back on them. All in all...this is what drives me the most. Now that my eldest is 19... he now sees how hard it is for me to make life for them as good as I can. My youngest yearns for her dad...then hates him the next. I am sure to let her know that her father loves her and that I do not want to hear bad talk about him. Its been a rough transition for her...leaving her home, changing schools and making new friends. I also have to deal with numerous Sick Kids appointments, as she has been a patient there on and off since birth and will be until early adulthood. I have grown much stronger as a mom and single parent.

        I would just like to know that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. As well as moving/selling assets , taking cash jobs and moving business money to "friends" accounts ( I have proof of this) X is telling lawyers he has barely the means to support himself, let alone pay CS. I would just like to know that my 20 yrs of working for ourselves, having a good life and a bright future , will all be taken away by X ? He seems to have done everything so far and continued without any consequences. Will court frown upon him for not even attempting CS ? Ughhhh... so many questions. I would so love to finally move on with my life instead of being tortured by all his actions.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Reride View Post
          My youngest yearns for her dad...then hates him the next. I am sure to let her know that her father loves her and that I do not want to hear bad talk about him.
          .
          Maybe it would help her to just listen to her bad talking her dad, but just listening lol and not bad talking him. She just may need a big hug and a good venting if you know what I mean.

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          • #6
            lol...ohhh I listen! She certainly does vent and gets hugs after. I know its hard for her, I just dont want her seeing or talking to her dad and ripping me appart. So this is why I tell her I don't want her bad mouthing her dad. I dont know, maybe I'm doing it wrong? Point is, she misses him and I know it. Too bad he didnt.

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            • #7
              Reride: some of the things your ex has done (and is doing) are very similar to my ex. Hides money, puts things in his wife's name, says he's "broke" (and re-iterates this to our son) yet lives high off the hog. It's disgusting. You should encourage your daughter to journal her thoughts and feelings.. It's a great vent and good for writing skills as well. Same goes for you if you can find the time. I don't think he will fare too well in court before any judge. Its pretty sad that he has "friends" aiding and abeitting (sp?) his hiding of assets. Really makes you wonder what the hell is wrong with people. For you; you need to know that him being gone is Good Riddance. Your kids will always know who backed them and was in their corner I'm good times or bad. That is the stuff money can't buy. That said, you absolutely should recv a proper amount of support and I hope that becomes a reality for you. The problem is; it won't come fast enough.

              It's difficult, I understand when you feel your child's pain. They may feel rejected and abandoned by the other parent. I think it's a good thing that your daughter expresses her feelings (as opposed to bottling things inside). I told my son a long time ago, I will not make excuses for bad behavior - not anyone's. I hope you have some good support - what's important is that you can weather the storm, and show the kids that love, honesty and a sense of humour can get you through a lot. Never feel too proud to access community resources, whether for counselling or financial support ie: @Thanksgiving or Christmas. There is a light at the end but before lightness there is darkness - and yes it will change you but in so many ways for the better. I know it's hard to move on and you will do so in your own time. Moving past and "on" from my ex and litigation has been my toughest hurdle, and I wanted him out of my life (for years). I really hope you can ride out the storm. I believe that you can and will.

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