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  • #61
    Reason I asked about nature of business is that there is plenty of diverse case law on family farm-based businesses - not all in favor of the farm wife. Judges don't like to separate the farmer from his land, especially if it's been in the family for a few generations.

    I understand, and don't stand in judgement, on your reasons for marrying this fellow. You obviously had something that the other desired and that suited you both at the time when you got married. Not relevant anyhow. You didn't have children together.

    There are many, many things that you will have to find out. Value of the business for a start. Hopefully he files his business taxes regularly through an accountant and there are records. He very well may have to sell the business to pay you out. Wouldn't be the first time someone had to do that.

    Both people in a divorce will often lose their standard of living. Unless you are very wealthy that is the reality of divorce. It may take him a bit longer to wake up. Be prepared for a very long fight. Your husband will blame you for any misfortune he encountered in the past and in the future. His family and friends very well might believe him and shun you. At least you aren't deluded by thinking he was the love of your life and it sounds like you are ready to get on and do what has to be done to effectively end your relationship with him.

    Living in a rural community would pose some definite challenges for finding a good lawyer. You need someone who is willing to email you and who will work quickly and efficiently. This is especially important at the start of your proceedings. Hit hard and hit fast. A good, efficient lawyer should be able to have him served by the end of the next week or two.

    You will need a picture of your ex for your lawyer for service of documents. You will need to bring with you copies of all documents you can get your hands on. Your lawyer should give you a list when you sign the retainer agreement.

    Comment


    • #62
      Originally posted by cynthia10 View Post
      Me, I say protect yourself...now the police won't get involved even if called cause you change the locks...they will ask him to leave and wait until it gets sorted in court......
      I don't believe that is all entirely true...if the matrimonial home is in both names he has equal right to live there as she does...thus if the locks are changed all he has to do is call a lock smith and the police and they cannot prevent him from living there.

      Now, if her safety is an issue, she would have to call the police, present proof of that (events, bruises, etc) and have a restarining order against him. As some are aware, this can be easy, even if the aligations are false.

      Better yet, if safety is an issue go to a shelter.

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      • #63
        I have advised her to go to a lawyer and request order for exclusive use of matrimonial home with police enforcement clause - then he cannot come into the home.

        I believe the OP has already called the police and is going to a lawyer in the very near future (possibly today).

        No one should have to live in terror in their own home. If the dude has anger control issues he should get stay away from her. He's 65 yrs old and you'd think he'd know better. Maybe it worked on his previous 3 wives - just speculation.

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        • #64
          [QUOTE=arabian;115545]I have advised her to go to a lawyer and request order for exclusive use of matrimonial home with police enforcement clause - then he cannot come into the home. QUOTE]

          Now that is good advice.

          [QUOTE=arabian;115545]No one should have to live in terror in their own home. If the dude has anger control issues he should get stay away from her. /QUOTE]

          Well said, take the proper steps when in bad situations. However, taking incorrect action (aka changing the locks and kicking him out without just cause) is not sound advice.

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          • #65
            It doesnt matter what he had when you met him, all that matters is what he had at the time of separation. If he has lost money over the time of the marriage then thats a non issue.
            Net Family Property is the gain over the course of the marriage. If he has a NFP of zero he will be receiving an equalization payment of half of her NFP.

            Example: Marriage date: Him: 2,500,000 Her: 50,000
            Separation date: Him: 2,000,000 Her: 250,000
            Result: She pays him 100,000 equalization.

            I gave up my job to help him with his kids and his business.
            This may indicate entitlement.

            We had a business together for 12 years. I was out the country for weeks on end with him helping him with his business.
            Speak to your lawyer about establishing a constructive trust.

            change the locks for your own protection
            Not sound advice without an Order. His immediate remedy is to bring a police officer, a locksmith and the deed.

            Comment


            • #66
              So let me understand this.
              We had the same amount of money in a the house.
              I had $50,000.00 in RRSP's
              He had $2.25 million is real estate and a boat worth $200,000.00
              I was making $36,000.00 a year in real estate and an additional $22,000.00 in fixer uppers
              Now 12 years later after I gave up my income to help him with his business and raise his kids. He still has business, property worth $200,000.00, jobs for both sons, boat worth $75,000.00 and $1,000,000.00 I owe him money????????????

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              • #67
                Spousal support guildlines mean nothing then?

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                • #68
                  Originally posted by arabian View Post

                  No one should have to live in terror in their own home. If the dude has anger control issues he should get stay away from her. He's 65 yrs old and you'd think he'd know better. .
                  Age makes no difference. My stbx is 76 years old and he still doesn't know better. Likely never will.

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                  • #69
                    So the longer I am married to him and the more money he pisses thru the more I could end up owing him

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                    • #70
                      You don't get half his stuff just because you were married to him. You get half of the increased value during the marriage. If there was no increased value, then nothing was earned during the marriage, and you get half of that nothing.

                      I'm not sure why the concept is so difficult.

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                      • #71
                        Originally posted by Janus View Post
                        You don't get half his stuff just because you were married to him. You get half of the increased value during the marriage. If there was no increased value, then nothing was earned during the marriage, and you get half of that nothing.

                        I'm not sure why the concept is so difficult.
                        Gets my vote for best post of the week.

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                        • #72
                          You need to understand that he had major assets before he married you. Those assets are not automatically yours. The only thing you are entitled to is matrimonial property. If it happens you saved, saved, saved and he spent, spent, spent, then yes you could end up owing him money.

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                          • #73
                            jAnus isn't correct and I strongly advise you to get competent legal advice. Many people on this forum are young and don't have any comprehension of the complexities of SS for older people, particularly those who have been in business with a spouse.

                            If you haven't figured it out yet, you are enemy #1 for many on this forum because you are soon to be ex wife who collects SS. I have been called a leach, gold digger and many other names. Funny though, as I was the one that financed our business, bought the marital home and injected a few hundred K into the business. Figure that one out.

                            If your husband was "cash poor" at the time of your marriage and you injected money into the marriage, paid off his debts and worked for peanuts in the family business that is something to consider. You are a partner in the business. That is something to consider. If your husband has money stowed away that you do not have an accurate accounting of then that is something to consider. When you become married your finances merge. There are many, many factors that need examining, hopefully by a competent accountant. You said you are wife #4. Well it stands to reason that your husband is quite adept at hiding money/assets. There are many issues to weigh in valuing a business.

                            Most important thing to do in determining anything is to get full financial disclosure. You may THINK, based on what he verbalized to you over the years, that the business lost money. Why on earth would a 65 yr old man run a business into the ground when he has two adult sons who are intent in taking the thing over? If that seems rational to you then by all means walk away and be ex-wife #4 and leave a nice nest egg for wife #5.

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                            • #74
                              This is your best post???????

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                              • #75
                                Originally posted by janice020204 View Post
                                This is your best post???????
                                LOL. While I agree with what Arabian just posted, it is also very true what Janus just posted. You deserve an equal accounting, but that accounting does not include anything he built up before the marriage. It just doesn't.

                                Many people hit a plateau at a certain point. It doesn't mean he was working to bleed you dry. Even if he was, you have entitlement to what was built up during the marriage. You don't have entitlement to what he built up before the marriage.

                                You worked for his business while you were married, were you paid? If not, you certainly have an entitlement to either back pay or a share in the assets (if you argue that your work was an investment.)

                                You weren't out of the workforce, and you can certainly accredit yourself when applying for jobs now, any skills you exhibited during your work with your ex-husband. That means you have to pick which side you want to argue. Either you were dependant and making a token appearance at his business, in which case you may be entitled to support. Or you actually made a contribution and are entitled to a share in the business. It is hard to claim you were actively involved and yet claim that you dropped out of the workforce.

                                Comment

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