Hello All:
I have spent the past few days reading most of the threads - it is a terrific forum - out of each of the threads, something relates to me & my kids and situation!! So, I have already gained some great input! Thank you!
After being together for almost 30 years (married for 17), about 2 1/2 years ago my marriage started to fall apart. Many arguments and days of silence. My husband & I are co-owners of a resort and last summer I suspected my husband of having an affair with one of our customers, (who had become a friend) - there were many rumours - I confronted her and she, of course, denied it and wanted to know who was spreading the rumours - I told her nothing. One particular day in September, my husband spent many hours away from the house, but still on the property - when he returned, he was in a foul mood. The long and short of it was, he hit me, I called the police and he was arrested - spent 2 nights in jail, she posted bail for him and continues to live with her & her husband. The support from the courts has been terrific through Victim services - but they are limited in resources. In January, a Peace Bond was issued and the "no contact" is extended until February 2011. We have kids who are 18 & 16. The kids can speak to their dad anytime they want - I don't tell them when, where or how long! But, they now choose to have no contact with their dad (my 18 year old saw him hit me).
I have now filed for separation with the divorce potentially being final in September (after the one year waiting period). He has not been served yet, but hopefully this week that will happen.
The kids having a cell phone has not been a good thing -- (I'm sorry, this thread could be longer than I had hoped) -- we have possession of a vehicle that my husband wants and over the course of less than a week, my oldest has received over 70 text messages (that are getting nastier every day) demanding the vehicle (both kids have been ignoring his texts since Christmas). I had been told by victim services that if I didn't want him to have an item, he couldn't take it (the kids & I are still in our home and still running our business) - my lawyer is away on vacation so I can't contact her for another week. This is getting out of hand and affecting my daughter where she isn't sleeping or concentrating in school. Before Christmas, I got her into counselling (she had originally blamed herself for the arguments) - last week her counsellor told her to respond to the texts and tell him to get his lawyer to contact me - he didn't know what she was talking about! He has a vehicle that he can use, but, I think, because it has our business advertised on the side, he wants the other one that isn't "labelled." Do I HAVE to give him back the one he wants? I feel much safer for my kids driving the one we have as it has 4-wheel drive, which we need in this area.
The last few months I have confirmed the affair with this woman - and it has been going on for 3 years!! Right under my nose, in my house, in my bed, or on my kitchen table!!!!!!! Pigs!! It turns out that this woman told my daughter (who was 16 at the time that she was "f....." my husband (her words)) A lot more detail given to my daughter that needed to be said for sure!!! This woman has told all my kids' friends what is going on between them. We live in a small town and know a lot of people and the truth has just started coming out about them. I know revenge is not the way to go, but this woman is married with a husband who we adore (he is quite old with serious health issues). I know he has no idea what is now going on in his house, but I want to protect him. My question is, should I go to his family and tell them what is happening here?? She is obviously a "gold digger" and figures by breaking up my marriage, she'll "inherit" everything that I have worked hard to build up. I might point out that she has a reputation in this community of this type of behaviour (which I wasn't aware of until all this happened - now people are telling me that they've known all along, because she told them a long time ago). She is not young, in her mid-60's (older than my husband). So, why didn't anyone tell me!!!!!! She did the same thing to get her current husband, but now she realizes that he has no money and she will get nothing when he dies!!! (she told me this herself)
I do not want to reconcile with my husband, my kids are much happier without him around, and we have begun the plans for our future lives without him (looking for a place to live, planning vacations, etc.). But, obviously, our business must be sold so I can end this terrible chapter in my life. My kids deserve to be happy & live as normal teenagers (something they hadn't been able to do when their dad was here). The sooner the two of them are out of my life, the better off we'll be!!!
Any comments or input would be helpful - sorry for the length of this message (but this is tremendously reduced in size - there is so much more to tell)!!!!
Thank you to all!!!!
I have spent the past few days reading most of the threads - it is a terrific forum - out of each of the threads, something relates to me & my kids and situation!! So, I have already gained some great input! Thank you!
After being together for almost 30 years (married for 17), about 2 1/2 years ago my marriage started to fall apart. Many arguments and days of silence. My husband & I are co-owners of a resort and last summer I suspected my husband of having an affair with one of our customers, (who had become a friend) - there were many rumours - I confronted her and she, of course, denied it and wanted to know who was spreading the rumours - I told her nothing. One particular day in September, my husband spent many hours away from the house, but still on the property - when he returned, he was in a foul mood. The long and short of it was, he hit me, I called the police and he was arrested - spent 2 nights in jail, she posted bail for him and continues to live with her & her husband. The support from the courts has been terrific through Victim services - but they are limited in resources. In January, a Peace Bond was issued and the "no contact" is extended until February 2011. We have kids who are 18 & 16. The kids can speak to their dad anytime they want - I don't tell them when, where or how long! But, they now choose to have no contact with their dad (my 18 year old saw him hit me).
I have now filed for separation with the divorce potentially being final in September (after the one year waiting period). He has not been served yet, but hopefully this week that will happen.
The kids having a cell phone has not been a good thing -- (I'm sorry, this thread could be longer than I had hoped) -- we have possession of a vehicle that my husband wants and over the course of less than a week, my oldest has received over 70 text messages (that are getting nastier every day) demanding the vehicle (both kids have been ignoring his texts since Christmas). I had been told by victim services that if I didn't want him to have an item, he couldn't take it (the kids & I are still in our home and still running our business) - my lawyer is away on vacation so I can't contact her for another week. This is getting out of hand and affecting my daughter where she isn't sleeping or concentrating in school. Before Christmas, I got her into counselling (she had originally blamed herself for the arguments) - last week her counsellor told her to respond to the texts and tell him to get his lawyer to contact me - he didn't know what she was talking about! He has a vehicle that he can use, but, I think, because it has our business advertised on the side, he wants the other one that isn't "labelled." Do I HAVE to give him back the one he wants? I feel much safer for my kids driving the one we have as it has 4-wheel drive, which we need in this area.
The last few months I have confirmed the affair with this woman - and it has been going on for 3 years!! Right under my nose, in my house, in my bed, or on my kitchen table!!!!!!! Pigs!! It turns out that this woman told my daughter (who was 16 at the time that she was "f....." my husband (her words)) A lot more detail given to my daughter that needed to be said for sure!!! This woman has told all my kids' friends what is going on between them. We live in a small town and know a lot of people and the truth has just started coming out about them. I know revenge is not the way to go, but this woman is married with a husband who we adore (he is quite old with serious health issues). I know he has no idea what is now going on in his house, but I want to protect him. My question is, should I go to his family and tell them what is happening here?? She is obviously a "gold digger" and figures by breaking up my marriage, she'll "inherit" everything that I have worked hard to build up. I might point out that she has a reputation in this community of this type of behaviour (which I wasn't aware of until all this happened - now people are telling me that they've known all along, because she told them a long time ago). She is not young, in her mid-60's (older than my husband). So, why didn't anyone tell me!!!!!! She did the same thing to get her current husband, but now she realizes that he has no money and she will get nothing when he dies!!! (she told me this herself)
I do not want to reconcile with my husband, my kids are much happier without him around, and we have begun the plans for our future lives without him (looking for a place to live, planning vacations, etc.). But, obviously, our business must be sold so I can end this terrible chapter in my life. My kids deserve to be happy & live as normal teenagers (something they hadn't been able to do when their dad was here). The sooner the two of them are out of my life, the better off we'll be!!!
Any comments or input would be helpful - sorry for the length of this message (but this is tremendously reduced in size - there is so much more to tell)!!!!
Thank you to all!!!!
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