Safe divorce?

[mykidsandme]

Sorry in advance if this gets long. I'm trying to find out if there is a way I can get divorced without my husband finding out where I live? We have been separated for almost 7 years. We have 4 children with whom he hasn't seen in 5 years. He was very abusive and had substance abuse addictions that brought on depression and psychosis. He has been Formed 1(involuntary admission for psychiatric assessment) by the courts 4 times and has committed himself twice. The kids and I spent 6 mths in shelters due to his stalking and violence. He was arrested for parental abduction and in the course of taking our kids he assaulted my mother and ran my cousin over when my cousin tried to prevent him from leaving with the kids in the car. The parental abduction charges were dropped as the interim custody order had run out. But he was sent to jail on the other charges which among those were quite a few breaches of previous court orders. It had gotten to the point where CAS refused to do supervised visits for fear of safety for their employees. Before he hurt my mom she was letting him come to her house to see the kids because he was no longer allowed to take them to his parents(where he lived) because his brother had sexually assualted(and been charged) our daughters and he refused to keep him away from them. I tried to keep an ongoing relationship between the kids and him but I was told by the courts that he was just using the kids to get to me.

Anyways on the advice of the counsellors of the shelters, the police and CAS we left the province we were living in. They said it was the only way we would be safe and paid for our flight.

My kids especially the older 2 (12 & 11) have some serious mental health issues due to their past(depression, anxiety disorder, seperation anxiety). All 4 of them suffer from PTSD. They are in counselling and I have been told that in this point of their life it would do more damage then good for them to have contact with dad. Child services where I am told me when I first moved that under no circumstances is he to know where I am and if he had contact then the kids would be removed from my care as I was failing to protect them. I told the kids that when they are 18 if they want to contact him then I will help in anyway I can.

Now I've come to a somewhat calmer time in my life that I would like to close the chapter on that one by getting divorced but in the same sense scared to open that can of worms. I've been in a relationship with someone else for the last 3 1/2yrs and we have an 18mth old daughter so I have them to worry about also. I can't really afford a lawyer and would just like to know if there are any avenues that I can take that wouldn't compromise our safety. Again I'm sorry this has turned into such a novel.

Btw I have every court paper, every charge he has, letters supporting our move and supporting that he not be involved in their life, assessments on the kids mental health etc would that help any?

[FL_Needs_To_Change]

After 7 years of separation you do not need to have his approval or signature on the request for a divorce.
I too went though a period of trying to keep away from my stalking/violent ex. I actually changed my name/moved and went back to school to start all over. But ultimately that didn't help, he eventually found us and I faced the courts and dealt with it, as that was the ONLY way to ensure I could live without living in fear or running.

I prey you will find peace with this, I know your situation.
I filed my divorce after a year and a half of separation, I used my old address, the courts did not know I did that, and I wasn't about to tell them as I knew he would ultimately be served with a copy of the divorce.
I filed, did what I needed, then returned to the court house for a copy of the divorce papers. I'm thinking they sent the originals to my old address and they were returned as I was told they were unable to deliver a copy to me, they had the wrong address. I told them I moved after I started the process and forgot to update the records.

Go to your local court house and explain your situation, they are very helpful and may offer advise on what to do to get your divorce.

Given the level of professional involvement even if you needed to appear in court you may get an exparte order of no contact given his history to avoid him taking the kids to his extended family and at the same time file for the divorce.

Go to your local court office and ask about an emergency exparte order, and explain things to them.

[mykidsandme]

Thank you for the information. I tried to go to the courthouse to talk to someone, but I started panicking when I got there. I turned around and left. I'm going to go tomorrow but I have a friend who is coming with me. Not sure why I got so upset though. I should've done all this sooner.