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  • #16
    Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
    We have given you a healthy array of advice regarding this. Have you taken it? Harassment? Have you gotten a restraining order?


    Don't "DEMAND" anything (poor choice of words) .. yikes.

    What you do is make an offer with that. Make a list of why/how it will benefit the kids in the end. I'd make up a draft order (I was a boy scout in court) .. and have the judge order all that anyways. (OFW, etc)

    So is the agreement that you're about to accept 50/50 by chance?


    I guess you missed the memo on that. He doesn't want 50/50. That was all just bluster and bluffing. The new agreement still puts him under 40%. I know you'll automatically assume I "bullied" him into it but that isn't the case. He made it clear to all that he's only interested in having his kids on his days off from work. This is why he can't do 50/50 or even get to 40%. God forbid he'd have to parent when working like the majority of parents, and I'm sure yourself included.

    He got just about all of what he was asking and gets to chop almost 500$ off his child support. I could've argued that he owes full table at this arrangement (he does) but I don't want to spend my children's money on court. So I just have to take the deal.
    Still some holiday stuff to work out but looks close to settling.
    Our family wizard? Yes I have most certainly insisted that in a case like ours it is necessary. I think most people who have been following my case would be able to predict exactly what he said to that. But I'll spell it out for you I case you can't figure it out: he doesn't want to pay for it. Always about the $$$$.
    I am insisting it be in the new agreement anyway. We'll see how that goes....




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    • #17
      Originally posted by ensorcelled View Post
      Just because you scrambled your DNA with someone, doesn't entitle you (or them) to anything. Much less your all-or-nothing 50%
      50/50 surely isn't all or nothing. I'm very much against equal parenting if one parent can not for whatever reason meet the criteria or tests that are in place to test their "ability to parent".

      Originally posted by ensorcelled View Post
      Just because someone isn't Paul Bernardo, doesn't mean they should be denied it either. There are many, many configurations of parenting plans and no family is similar to the other in which one is best for them.
      100% agree. If you look through my posts I always recognize and state that 50/50 isn't for everyone.

      I'm cognizant that one doesn't have to be Paul Bernardo to be disqualified from equal regimes, however, if the complaint is that the ex send annoying e-mails or assumptions that they just want money .. isn't (or shouldn't) be enough to disqualify them for 50/50 either.

      To say that one's parenting skills are not adequate enough to engage in equal parenting is very bold and certain criteria/tests must be met to prove on a balance of probabilities that their ability to parent is compromised.

      Parents who have been in the child's life already lingering around 35-45%, who are taking steps to improve life for the kids (i.e - moving closer to their school), etc probably won't meet those tests unless it greatly disrupted the lives of the kids .. which it wouldn't in many cases.

      So no .. you dont have to be Paul Bernardo to lose 50/50 .. but you don't have to be a perfect man to achieve it either. In this particular case, her ex sound like an annoying mate/co parent, but a good dad who wants to be as involved as much as possible with his kids.

      (and yes, I'm a member of Leading Women for Shared Parenting although the title is a bit weird- I'm not a leader in anything! We are currently looking to open a Canadian chapter- if interested).
      That's incredible. I admire your initiative. I would be interested also.
      Last edited by LovingFather32; 08-17-2017, 12:39 PM.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by Ange71727 View Post
        I guess you missed the memo on that. He doesn't want 50/50. That was all just bluster and bluffing. The new agreement still puts him under 40%.
        Bluffing? He asked you for 50/50 many times and you kept turning him down. Why didn't you give him a chance?

        He made it clear to all that he's only interested in having his kids on his days off from work. This is why he can't do 50/50 or even get to 40%. God forbid he'd have to parent when working like the majority of parents, and I'm sure yourself included.
        He asked you for 50/50 many times. So he had a plan in place, including a girlfriend whom you even stated was close with the kids.

        God forbid you would actually give him a chance to be an equal parent when he was begging you. Next time my daughter asks for a cookie over and over again I'll tell her no, then say she didn't want it.
        But I'll spell it out for you I case you can't figure it out: he doesn't want to pay for it. Always about the $$$$.
        I am insisting it be in the new agreement anyway. We'll see how that goes....
        You don't have to spell it out for me. But I would like to reiterate what I, and other posters here have suggested, and that's paying for the subscriptions yourself and sending him a copy.

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        • #19
          Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
          Bluffing? He asked you for 50/50 many times and you kept turning him down. Why didn't you give him a chance?


          He asked you for 50/50 many times. So he had a plan in place, including a girlfriend whom you even stated was close with the kids.

          God forbid you would actually give him a chance to be an equal parent when he was begging you. Next time my daughter asks for a cookie over and over again I'll tell her no, then say she didn't want it.

          You don't have to spell it out for me. But I would like to reiterate what I, and other posters here have suggested, and that's paying for the subscriptions yourself and sending him a copy.


          LF32, if he wanted 50/50 he would have gone for it. Ange has been willing and able to negotiate through this process INCLUDING reducing table support when she has kids more than half the time.

          Stop beating the dead horse. Dead horses feed trolls.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by rockscan View Post
            LF32, if he wanted 50/50 he would have gone for it. Ange has been willing and able to negotiate through this process INCLUDING reducing table support when she has kids more than half the time.

            Stop beating the dead horse. Dead horses feed trolls.
            No horses were harmed during these posts(I love horses .. used to live on a farm).
            Id have to go back through her first thread but I understood it as he was asking for equal time but she said no to it and outlined her reasonoing very early on. I believe many posters even told her to call his bluff with him wanting 50/50. But it was a flat out no.
            All Im saying is more parents should give it a go before the court wars thing.

            Ange seems like shes doing well now and things are starting to settle. Thats great news ... high conflict court stuff is a drag.

            The only thing I disagree with is her denying equal access to an equal relationship when she started her first thread .. then coming on now burning him for not wanting 50/50. Lol

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            • #21
              Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
              No horses were harmed during these posts(I love horses .. used to live on a farm).

              Id have to go back through her first thread but I understood it as he was asking for equal time but she said no to it and outlined her reasonoing very early on. I believe many posters even told her to call his bluff with him wanting 50/50. But it was a flat out no.

              All Im saying is more parents should give it a go before the court wars thing.



              Ange seems like shes doing well now and things are starting to settle. Thats great news ... high conflict court stuff is a drag.



              The only thing I disagree with is her denying equal access to an equal relationship when she started her first thread .. then coming on now burning him for not wanting 50/50. Lol


              LF, just so you are up to speed, when push came to shove he didn't really want 50/50 in the end. Yes he may have spouted off that he was looking for an equal relationship in the beginning but when it got down to actual offers, he didn't want his kids half time because it conflicts with his work schedule. I agreed to just about everything he wanted and took a huge hit in child support. It has just come down to negotiating the summer arrangements now. He was offered week on week off and declined. He wants 3 weeks. Every offer has stated this and that's what he can have. It's just a matter of arranging it around his complicated work schedule.


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              • #22
                Yes but from the get go she advised he was fishy on the 50/50 and used it as a threat. She always said he wanted it to be on his schedule when he wanted and when she called his bluff it turns out his schedule he wanted was less than 50/50.

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                  Yes but from the get go she advised he was fishy on the 50/50 and used it as a threat. She always said he wanted it to be on his schedule when he wanted and when she called his bluff it turns out his schedule he wanted was less than 50/50.
                  He wanted to see his kids more .. so he kept asking. I think we should step back and think "hey .. it might be possible he actually might want to see his kids more".

                  Anyways .. she said no .. thats over now. He wasnt into the court war so hes trying to settle for less.

                  It would have been nice to see how it would have went if she accepted .. but hey, thats over now. All seems to be going smoothly at the moment which is nice.
                  Last edited by LovingFather32; 08-17-2017, 08:19 PM.

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                  • #24
                    I am pleased to read that you are close to settlement. Congratulations!

                    LF32 - perhaps in the future the father will come to realize that his work hours need to be modified so he can increase his hours with his children. Sounds to me like the decision is his and his alone to make. He was unwilling to be flexible. One would think that someone who has worked for an employer for a lengthy time could alter work schedule?

                    I think the father got what he was seeking - paying less money. Money talks. Admirable that the mother let him off the hook for so much but then one has to make sacrifices to end litigation.

                    IF the father was sincere in his desire to spend more time with his children he could start by being civil and, secondly, alter his work hours. Who knows... maybe he will come around and prove that he is sincere in wanting to spend more time with his children. I don't think it would be too difficult to prove this.

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                    • #25
                      LF... I wish you would understand not everyone is you. Not everyone truly wants a 50-50 arrangements with their kids. To some it IS all about money.

                      My cousin separated from her husband two years ago. They have two kids. Right off the bat he requested 50-50, GREAT! But as soon as Mom agreed he started back tracking. He didn't want a true 50-50 schedule, he wanted to pick and choose his days BUT requested 50-50 on paper.. hmm I wonder why that was? Anyways, they ended up in court over the house, back taxes he owed and a few other financial things. The judge asked about CS... well it turns out if he had 50-50 CS would basically be a wash... Mom didn't care she just wanted this all over with. They got their court order and he was given his 50-50 on paper. No shocker to anyone, but since that last court date back in February he has no once taken all his parenting time. He takes the kids EOW and occasionally a night during the week but it's certainly not the Wed/Thur and EOW that he requested through the court. This was 100% about money to him. Nothing in their court proceedings were about child access or custody. But he did get out of paying $1300 a month in CS by having 50-50 on paper.

                      You can preach about all dads wanting 50-50 and it being the default all you want but the reality is, it's not always them wanting it because they just want to be equal parents. Had mom fought his 50-50 request she would have won given the ages of the children. Even now she could take him back to court as she has text messages each week of him saying he isn't picking them up.

                      I'm sure if my cousin came here and said she didn't want to accepted 50-50 because Dad wasn't truly wanting it for an equal relationship you would be spewing the same stuff as you are to Ange but you are wrong. To him and clearly to Angie's ex it WAS about money. Again, not everyone is YOU, not everyone wants an equal relationship.


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                      • #26
                        I would agree with Bernier - some people use the fight for 50-50 like they do when selling a home in that they ask for more than they really expect to receive as a negotiating tactic. Ask high, receive a low-ball offer and counter somewhere in the middle. Yes this does happen and I wouldn't be surprised if this was the case with Ange who smartly weighed the pros and cons with going to trial which is time-consuming and extremely expensive.

                        Some people do not want a 50-50 arrangement with their children and are quite content with the EOW arrangement. It doesn't mean they love their children less. Some people's employment, new family, extended family commitments, relocation, etc. makes 50-50 not feasible.

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                        • #27
                          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk[/QUOTE]
                          Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
                          You can preach about all dads wanting 50-50 and it being the default all you want but the reality is, it's not always them wanting it because they just want to be equal parents.
                          And you say I twist words? I've never said "all" dads want 50/50 and I restate over and over again that it's not for everybody.
                          I'm sure there are a few outliers that have ulterior motives

                          I'm sure if my cousin came here and said she didn't want to accepted 50-50 because Dad wasn't truly wanting it for an equal relationship you would be spewing the same stuff as you are to Ange but you are wrong.
                          It would depend on the history and the details of the case.

                          Some of you need to give your head a shake and realize we're both right. Some parents do it for money, etc .. and some actually want it. You can pretend Angie's your bestie and you know her case very well, but we can simply go on the details presented. The details suggests an annoying mate but a great dad who did everything in his power to see his kids more. You think you know her ex, his personality and his motives just based on her biased posts?

                          If a good parent (who's already in the kids lives quite often), is making moves to show they're serious (moving closer to the school, etc), paying all past financial dues, etc ..... why say "NO" to equal parenting when they ask?

                          Sometimes you need to give people the benefit of the doubt and get out of grumpy odf mode. Some ppl actually love their kids and want to see them more. Believe it or not its not always about money. I find it ludicrous that some posters refuse to allow that he might have actually wanted to be more involved.

                          I wonder if my ex felt my blitz e-mails (that you guys helped me create) were harassing. She was trying to call all the shots regarding everything and I needed answers .. so yes she had to respond .. and yes Angie did also .. this doesn't make him (or me) a bad father.

                          You can call it preaching if you want .. but my stance is that if a parent steps up to the plate (mom or dad), let them step up to the plate if there are no huge repercussions or harm for the kids. Money is important in life, everyone thinks about it .. but dont confuse that for innate love one has for their children please. Neither of us should pretend to know her exact case IMO.

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                          • #28
                            Sole vs joint

                            Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                            Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


                            And you say I twist words? I've never said "all" dads want 50/50 and I restate over and over again that it's not for everybody.

                            I'm sure there are a few outliers that have ulterior motives





                            It would depend on the history and the details of the case.



                            Some of you need to give your head a shake and realize we're both right. Some parents do it for money, etc .. and some actually want it. You can pretend Angie's your bestie and you know her case very well, but we can simply go on the details presented. The details suggests an annoying mate but a great dad who did everything in his power to see his kids more. You think you know her ex, his personality and his motives just based on her biased posts?



                            If a good parent (who's already in the kids lives quite often), is making moves to show they're serious (moving closer to the school, etc), paying all past financial dues, etc ..... why say "NO" to equal parenting when they ask?



                            Sometimes you need to give people the benefit of the doubt and get out of grumpy odf mode. Some ppl actually love their kids and want to see them more. Believe it or not its not always about money. I find it ludicrous that some posters refuse to allow that he might have actually wanted to be more involved.



                            I wonder if my ex felt my blitz e-mails (that you guys helped me create) were harassing. She was trying to call all the shots regarding everything and I needed answers .. so yes she had to respond .. and yes Angie did also .. this doesn't make him (or me) a bad father.



                            You can call it preaching if you want .. but my stance is that if a parent steps up to the plate (mom or dad), let them step up to the plate if there are no huge repercussions or harm for the kids. Money is important in life, everyone thinks about it .. but dont confuse that for innate love one has for their children please. Neither of us should pretend to know her exact case IMO.[/QUOTE]



                            Please tell me how Ange's ex stepped up to the plate? Please tell me how you know what his motives were? Please tell me how you know he actually wanted a 50-50 relationship because he felt it was in the kids best interest? You know zero about Ange or her Ex yet you have formed the opinion that she bullied him out of 50-50. Preach LF, preach


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                            • #29
                              Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
                              Please tell me how Ange's ex stepped up to the plate?
                              1. Asked for an equal relationship (huge first step)
                              2. Moved closer to the kids school (rearranging his life for the kids)
                              3. Shall I go on?

                              Please tell me how you know what his motives were?
                              Please tell me how you do?

                              Please tell me how you know he actually wanted a 50-50 relationship because he felt it was in the kids best interest?
                              Tell me how you know he "doesn't" want an equal relationship for 100% sure. You go first.

                              You know zero about Ange or her Ex yet you have formed the opinion that she bullied him out of 50-50. Preach LF, preach
                              Are you and Ange close in real life? How do you "know" you're right? I'm just going on what's written.

                              Both you and Angie enjoy using the word bully .. please note that I haven't said that here. What I said was he was avoiding big court war. He asked...she said no. That's a fact and in her first thread.

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                              • #30
                                LF you need to go back and reread shit. He was expected to update his child support. He was sent a notice and his response was "no I want 50/50" and then his follow up was "i can make it 50/50 on my terms" (paraphrasing) and when that wasnt good enough he filed court papers.

                                Did you say to your ex I want kid t-f and every other sunday because thats what works for me? No, you worked out an equal plan. This guy was unreasonable from the get go and there is no argument that is going to change peoples minds.

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